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  • At Risk Of Sounding Like A Wet Blanket
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  • Obama Wasn’t The First After All

    | Williston, FL, USA | Best Friends, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Politics

    (My best friend and I are watching the trailers before a movie.)

    Announcer: “Starring Denzel Washington…”

    Best Friend: *turns and looks at me funny, and then in a hushed voice* “Wasn’t he a president?”

    Too Funny For Words

    | Lake District, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

    (My best friend is easily tricked by cleverly worded sentences. Having previously got her on three separate occasions with a joke about the word ‘gullible’ being removed from the dictionary, I try something new.)

    Me: “I’m naked under these clothes.”

    Friend: “No, you’re not!”

    A Supercharged Superstorm

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (It is just before Superstorm Sandy and my friend and I (both female) are doing the obligatory pre-apocalypse shop.)

    Friend: “Oh, and don’t forget the number-one single-girls rule for surviving a power outage!”

    Me: “Yeah? What’s that?”

    Friend: “Make sure your flashlight and your vibrator take the same size batteries!” *throws pack of Cs into the cart*

    Me: “Point.” *tosses in AAs*

    Gives New Meaning To ‘Han Shot First’

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Did I mention my Jedi bathrobe arrived yesterday?”

    Coworker: “Oh, was there anything wrong with it?”

    Me: “No, I just wanted to tell you.”

    Coworker: “Oh, okay. Cool. I thought it might have been too short or you couldn’t close it or anything.”

    Other Coworker: “Yeah, don’t want your ‘lightsaber’ showing.”

    Me: “Oh, no, no.” *with a smile* “That was gonna happen no matter what.”

    Got A Good Handel On Things

    | Boston, MA, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (My best friend and I are both professional musicians. One night, I am babysitting her two-year-old son so she and her husband can have date night. I tend to talk to him like he can understand all the weird stuff I come up with, and sometimes stuff like this happens…)

    Me: *pointing to radio* “Check it out, [Boy], we’ve got some Handel to listen to during dinner.”

    Boy: *thinks* “Handle on the mixer?” *points to it*

    Me: “Nah, the composer is spelled with an ‘el’ at the end, and the one on the mixer is spelled ‘le.’” *point out the letters on his sippy cup*

    Boy: “Auntie silly. No handle on my cup!”

    Me: “Touché, little dude. Eat your couscous.”

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