Featured Story:
  • Being Mean To Kids Never Tasted So Sweet
    (527 thumbs up)
  • Chemically Imbalanced Friends

    | QC, Canada | Awesome, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (It’s game night with a bunch a friends. I’m wearing for the first time a shirt showing elements from the periodic table, which spell together ‘BaCoN’)

    Friend: *observing the shirt* “What do you get when you mix Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen?”

    Me: “Well, you can get bacon.”

    Friend: *in a sincere and amazed tone* “Really?!”

    Related: From Not Always Romantic:
    Chemically Imbalanced, Part 11
    Chemically Imbalanced, Part 10
    Chemically Imbalanced, Part 9

    At The Height Of Delays

    | USA | Health & Body

    (I’m known to be a bit of a smart-a**.)

    Friend: “Hey, [My Name.] What are you up to?”

    Me: “Oh, five foot two.”

    Friend: “Really? You’re taller than that.”

    Me: “This is an old joke.”

    Make You Wish You Couldn’t Hear Yourself

    | MI, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Strangers

    (My seven-year-old cousin is mostly deaf but hates his hearing aids, so we speak very loudly to him in order to be heard when he’s not wearing them. I’m watching him one day and take him to the store with me. He doesn’t have his hearing aids in and I while I can read sign language, I can’t sign very well myself, so I mostly speak out loud to him.)

    Me: *loudly* “Don’t pull that off the shelf. It’ll break.”

    Cousin: *nods and begins signing to me* “Can I have some chocolate milk?”

    Me: *still speaking loudly* “If you’re good.”

    Random Lady: *marches up to me* “You shouldn’t be yelling at that poor child! He’s just being a kid! How dare you yell at him in public like that! Don’t you know you could embarrass him? You shouldn’t be allowed to have children if you’re just going to yell at them!”

    Me: “…Okay, one: he’s actually my cousin. Two: apparently you missed him using SIGN LANGUAGE. You know, language of the DEAF? He’s mostly deaf and isn’t wearing his hearing aids, so I’m speaking loudly so he can hear me. And three: at least I’m not getting in stranger’s faces and yelling at them before I understand a situation and looking like an idiot.”

    Random Lady: “Well… it should be more obvious that he’s deaf!” *stomps away*

    Cousin: *signs* “I want a cookie.”

    Me: *extremely loudly* “I think that lady needs a cookie…”

    Been In The Stories

    Funny-friendship-Quotes-7

    You’re My Bearded Lady

    | Moorpark, CA, USA | LGBTQ

    (My best friend and I are taking a makeup production class together. We are both gay, him a boy and I a girl. We are usually mistaken for a couple.)

    Friend: *walking back from the supply room* “I walked all the way there and I forgot what I had to— Oh, never mind.”

    (He walks back to the supply room and returns a few minutes later.)

    Me: “Did you remember what you had to get?”

    Friend: “Yeah. I remembered it when I looked at you.”

    Me: “What was it?”

    Friend: “Beard cover.”


    Page 1/25112345...Last
    Next Page »