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    Don’t Assume In A Manner Of Speaking

    | Bethesda, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Strangers

    (My mom and I are going to get her glasses fixed and she parks in a handicap parking space. My mom has a hanger but she forgets to put it up.)

    Mom: *as we leave* “Oh, I forgot to put the hanger up. Lucky I didn’t get a ticket!”

    Me: *shrugs* “Yeah, lucky.”

    Woman: *comes up to my mom, looking angry* “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF TAKING A PARKING SPACE YOU DON’T NEED! THOSE SPOTS ARE FOR DISABLED PEOPLE” *continues ranting and screaming*

    Mom: *trying to get a word in edgewise*

    Me: *sneaks up behind woman before shouting in her ear* “SHUT UP!”

    Woman: *falls quiet, holding her ear in pain*

    Me: *smiles* “Thank you. Now, if you had just asked, my mom could have told you she has a hanger; she just forgot to put it up. But you forgot something much more important.”

    Woman: “What did I forget?!”

    Me: *deadpan* “Your manners.”

    Woman: *turns bright red and dashes off*

    Make That 11 Things I Hate About You

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (I am stationed overseas and keep in touch with a lot of my friends through instant messaging when this conversation unfolds.)

    Friend: “You know how you can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed… but can you ever just be whelmed?”

    Me: “Love that movie… like no joke LOVE that movie.”

    Friend: “What movie?”

    Me: “You quoted 10 Things I Hate About You.”

    Friend: “Who did this now?”

    (At this point I link back to his first line.)

    Me: “The reply was ‘I think you can in France.'”

    Friend: “Th… that wasn’t a quote, I was just making a general joke. I wasn’t quoting anything. Turns out people can have original thoughts without spouting a meme!”

    (I copy and paste the bit from IMDB, proving my point.)

    Friend: “That’s… eerie.”

    Me: “See! I thought you knew!”

    Friend: “Never even heard of this movie.”

    Me: “I just facepalmed and groaned SO loud…”

    (As it turned out, we can’t not have original thoughts.)

    My Interest In This Book Just Died

    | MA, USA | Books & Reading, Strangers

    (I am reading a Stephen King novel while eating lunch in a food court on my college campus. A staff member I don’t know well sits down near me.)

    Staff Member: “Oh, I read that book a while ago! Are you a fan of Stephen King?”

    Me: “This is the first book of his I’ve read actually, but I really like it. It’s a page turner.”

    Staff Member: “Have you gotten to the part where the child dies yet?”

    Me: *suppressing frustrated groan* “No, I haven’t…”

    Trouble Brewing


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