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  • How We Met, Before We Met
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    Make It Rain(bow)

    | MA, USA | LGBTQ, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m hanging out with my friend and her fiancée, picking out music for my group to play at their wedding. We’re all female.)

    Friend: “Oooh, have you got – you do! Let’s put Somewhere Over the Rainbow in, that’s perfect.”

    Me: “Okay.” *checks it off list*

    Friend: “And then…” *leafs through binder* “Yeah, let’s do Rainbow Connection too.”

    Fiancée: *singing* “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?”

    Friend: “Uhhh, because it’s a gay wedding. Duh.”

    Fiancée: “Good point.” *keeps singing*

    She’s Dead Late

    | England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Zombies

    (I am 14 and have overslept for school. This conversation happens before I arrive.)

    Friend #1: “Where’s Jen?”

    Friend #2: “I dunno, maybe she’s dead?!”

    Best Friend: “Nah, she’d call me if she was dead!”

    Driving Me To Steal

    | Youngstown, OH, USA | Coworkers, Transportation

    (I’m driving a box truck on the way to a delivery and my passenger mirror keeps hitting tree branches that are hanging close to the road.)

    Coworker: *after hitting a branch* “D***, girl, drive it like you stole it!”

    Me: “I’ve never understood that phrase. If I stole a car I would still drive like a conscientious citizen so as not to draw police attention to the fact that I’m driving a stolen car.”

    Coworker: “…Well, do that now, then!”

    A Hostage To Etiquette

    | TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly

    Me: “Is there, like, a kidnappers and kidnapped etiquette?”

    Friend: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Like, would it be okay to fart when you’re being held hostage and the kidnappers are around? Or would it make things socially awkward if you have a booger on your face but your hands are tied, so they have to do it for you because they happen to be clean-freak kidnappers? DO YOU SAY THANKS?!”

    How We Met, Before We Met

    | TX, USA | Love/Romance, Schoolmates

    (I am female.)

    Random Classmate: “So, is it true?!”

    Me: “What?”

    Random Classmate: “I heard you and [Random Female Lowerclassman] are dating. Is it true? Are you a lesbian?!”

    Me: “Would it matter if I was? But, no, I’ve never even met [Random Female Lowerclassman].”

    (At lunch that day…)

    Me: “Hi! Are you [Random Female Lowerclassman]? I’m [My Name]. I heard we were sleeping together, so I thought I ought to introduce myself!”

    (And that is how I met my best friend in high school.)

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