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  • Identical Thief

    | USA | Strangers, Transportation

    (I have just taken my grandma to her doctor’s appointment. I just got a new car. I walk out to my car, when I see a another one that looks like just like it, same color and same make. The owner of this car walks out, too.)

    Person: “I like your car!” *laughs*

    Me: “Thanks, I like yours, too!”

    (I put the key into the lock it’s not working, which the other woman two cars away is trying to open her car door. I look into this and I see car covers on it, which I don’t have.)

    Me: “Oh, shoot, this is not my car!”

    Person: “Oh, no, this is not my car!”

    (We were both red in the face as we got into the correct car. But my grandma had a good laugh about it!)

    A New Number One Priority

    | France | Health & Body, Physical

    (My friend and I are wrestling for fun, and I manage to pin her down.)

    Friend: “Let me up!”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Friend: “I need to pee! I’m gonna pee myself! Let me up!”

    Me: “Not gonna happen.”

    Friend: “THIS IS NOT A DRILL!”

    Sleeping Under The Star(e)s

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Roommates

    (My roommate and I get along and have a strange sense of humor. He typically goes to bed before me because he has to get up earlier than I do, although this usually just makes him tired by the end of the day. For no particular reason, we suddenly turn towards each other and give funny looks.)

    Me: “We’re so weird.”

    Roommate: “I stare at you while you sleep!”

    Me: *gives a fake look of terror*

    Roommate: “Hah. No, not really. That would require staying up later, which I’m not prepared to do…”

    Me: “Glad you have that stopping you.”

    Beat You To The Punch

    | USA | Physical, Schoolmates

    (Back in middle school, a friend and I would get a ride home from school from another friend’s mom. This occurs instantly after I see a red Volkswagen Beetle.)

    Me: *punching Friend #1 on arm* “Punch buggy red!”

    Friend #1: “Ow! Why did you do that?”

    Me: “It’s a game.”

    Friend #1: “I’ve never heard of it.”

    Friend #2: “You’ve never heard of the punch buggy game? Every time you see a Volkswagen Beetle, you’re supposed to punch the person next to you and call out its color.”

    Friend #1: “Oh… that’s strange.”

    (All of a sudden we pass by a Volkswagen dealership and predictably start punching each other in the back seat.)

    Friend #2’s Mom: “I’m not taking this route home anymore…”

    Don’t Call My Name, Leonardo

    | Kent, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

    (The room our lesson is in at this time of the week has lots of movie posters, covering the walls. One of said movie posters is for ‘The Great Gatsby,’ which leads us to talking about Leonardo DiCaprio.)

    Me: “Oh, wow, I’ve only just realised how weird his first name is.”

    Friend #1: “Oh yeah! Everyone uses his full name all the time.”

    Me: “Or just ‘Leo.'”

    Friend #1: “I can’t stop thinking about his name now.”

    Me: “Leonardo. Leonardo. Leonardo. Leonardo! LEONARDO!”

    Friend #1: “Leonardo!”

    Friend #2: “Okay guys, stop being so loud. It’s not that weird anyway!”

    Me: “Be quiet! Or I’ll DiCapritate you!”

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