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  • June's Theme Of The Month: Roommate Worries!

    You And I Can Write A Free Romance

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Best Friends, Books & Reading

    (I’m talking to a friend on Facebook, trying to plan a time to see each other. This is difficult considering that she lives in Illinois and I live in Pennsylvania. We jump around from topic to topic, when she decides to tell me to do something.)

    Friend: “Tell me not to get all the free romance novels off of Amazon… because I kind of want to binge read those.”

    Me: “Get all the free romance novels from Amazon and binge read.”

    Friend: “#you’rethebest. #spacebardoesntworksoiuse#”

    Me: “You’re welcome.”

    All My Friends Have Birthdays


    Can Bi A Lot With That Money

    | NY, USA | LGBTQ, Money

    (My best friend is bisexual and I’m asexual. We’re both girls and incredibly close. We’ve been mistaken for a couple a few times but have no romantic interest in each other. We’ve never come out to anyone but each other and we thought it was time to tell another one of our friends.)

    Best Friend: “I have something to tell you.”

    Other Friend: “Is it that you’re a lesbian? F***, now I owe your sister 30 bucks!”

    Best Friend: “Well, actually I’m bi.”

    Other Friend: “Yes! She owes me 30 bucks! Wait, [My Name] isn’t a lesbian, is she?”

    Me: “No, asexual.”

    Other Friend: “YOUR MOM OWES ME 30 BUCKS, TOO! This is the best day ever!”

    (I didn’t know what to be more shocked about: the fact that she knew us both so well, or that both my best friend’s and my family were betting on our sexuality!)

    Two Discs Are Better Than One

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Roommates, Technology

    (My roommate is an idiot, so I don’t often let him use my things unless I’m sitting there watching him to make sure nothing goes wrong. After a few months of no near-accidents, I decide to rescind this requirement and start letting him use my stuff as long as he asks first.)

    Roommate: “Hey, can I use your PS3 to play [Game]?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (He leaves and I talk to my boyfriend, thinking nothing about the disaster looming over the horizon until he comes back about fifteen minutes later looking nervous.)

    Roommate: “So, um… apparently you already had a game in there and I didn’t realize it…”

    Me: “What?!”

    (My boyfriend and I rush downstairs to find that he somehow managed to jam two games inside at once. Luckily my boyfriend knows how to get them out without damaging the console, but both discs are ruined.)

    Boyfriend: “He had to have forced it in there! How did he manage to do this without realizing that there was already another game inside?!”

    Me: “He’s special, [Boyfriend]…”

    (He did replace both games for me, but I still put back the requirement that I have to be there for him to use them after that.)

    To Protect And Disservice

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’m walking home when suddenly a police car drives up near the crossroad. It has no signal on, so I wait just in case. The police officer stares at me through the window, and doesn’t move. I think he is waiting, until I start to cross. Next thing I know, the car is in front of me. I run, and the car is rolling down his window.)

    Officer: *angrily* “Are you trying to get yourself killed? Dumb kids these days, their heads tucked into their phones!”

    Me: “Officer! I am so very sorr—”

    Officer: “What?! You have an iPad, too?!”

    (Our school recently received iPads, and instead of making my bag heavier, I had decided to carry my phone and iPad.)

    Me: “Please, sir—”

    (The officer begins ranting about how back in his days, they went outside and played with dirt, and made toys out of dirt. I begin to get irritated, and speak up.)

    Me: “Officer, I really understand that back in your days, you did things differently, but it not my fault that you did not have a signal. My dad actually taught me things about cars, about how you should put a signal on, at least. And aren’t you a police officer? You’re ranting at a child; people are staring. Not to be rude or anything, officer, but this is definitely not my fault.”

    Officer: “I… but… I’m a police officer.”

    Me: “A police officer is meant to be nice to citizens. I’ve been in this town my entire life. You must be new. You’re kinda holding up a line.”

    (And I was right. A ton of cars were piling behind the officer, and their faces were obviously irritated. The cop’s face turned tomato red, and he drove off.)

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