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  • When Making Friends Don’t Be Scared To Break A Leg

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Health & Body, Sports, Strangers

    (I’m visiting my friend in hospital. His room is a four-bed ward and has a view into the football oval where one of the local teams has practice.)

    Me: “Hey, man, you got a cool view. You can watch the local team practice.”

    Friend: “Pfft, footy is a pussy’s game.”

    (A voice pipes up from the bed across from my friend.)

    Other Patient: “Hey, kid, watch your tongue. Some people like footy.”

    (I laugh, and turn around to see who’s talking. I get a fright when I see the guy in the bed across from my friend, a massive looking bloke covered in tattoos and with a broken leg, is glaring at us.)

    Friend: “Yeah, whatever. It’s still a pussy’s game. Are you going to make me shut up? You can’t walk.”

    Other Patient: “True, but I can hop.”

    (Just as I’m starting to get scared that my friend is going to be thrown out the window or something the big guy and my friend start laughing.)

    Other Patient: *to me* “Hey, love, you can relax. We’ve been taking the piss out of each other for days”

    (We got chatting and he turned out to be a really nice, not so scary guy.)

    Reached The Day’s High Point

    | CA, USA | Best Friends, Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

    (It’s late at night and I have just tried marijuana for the first time. I call my best friend while high.)

    Me: “I have something really important to tell you.”

    Best Friend: “Okay.”

    Me: “I hope I can articulate it in a way you can truly understand.”

    Best Friend: “Okay, so what is it?”

    Me: *long pause* “I had a really good day today.”

    Making Baby Talk With Strangers

    | NJ, USA | Rude & Risque, Strangers

    (My boyfriend and I are walking down the street, holding hands, when a group of cyclists passes us.)

    Cyclist: *yelling* “THE TWO OF YOU ARE A CUTE COUPLE!”

    Me: *yelling back* “THANK YOU!”

    Cyclist: *louder* “MAKE BABIES!”

    Me: *as loudly as I can* “I’M ALREADY ON IT!”

    (My boyfriend just about died with embarrassment!)

    Drinking Until You’re Sick

    | FL, USA | Best Friends, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Travel

    (Before our first road trip together my best friend is diagnosed with two separate but very contagious illnesses. Despite that, she still wants to go on our road trip as originally planned. In order to minimize my exposure to her germs she labels her water bottles with a “D” on the cap so that I wouldn’t inadvertently drink after her. Note: Her first name begins with the letter “D”.)

    Me: “‘D’ for [D-name]?”

    Best Friend: *dead pan* “No, ‘D’ for ‘Diseased.'”

    You Don’t Need Balls To Play

    | Australia | Family & Kids, Sports

    (I’m visiting my neighbour and her kids and decide to teach the nine-year-old girl a few of my old jokes. My favourite is “why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she ran away from the ball!” Up till now she’s been thoroughly unimpressed.)

    Me: “Why was Cinderella bad at football?”

    Her: *smirk* “Because she’s a girl. Duh!”

    Me: *stunned laughter*

    (And with that, she ran off to toss a football around with her brothers.)

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