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  • Not Chickening Out Of Meat

    | Germany | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (A friend of mine is a vegan. She constantly tries to spoil meat for me. This occurs when I’m eating chicken nuggets from a well-known fast food restaurant.)

    Friend: “Oh, my God, have you heard that they once found a chicken’s head in [Restaurant]‘s chicken nuggets?”

    Me: *eating* “Yup.”

    Friend: “What would YOU do if you found a chicken’s head in there?”

    Me: *taking another bite* “I’d be surprised that they make these things out of actual chicken.”

    (She stopped bothering me after this.)

    That’s Onesie For The Books

    | The Netherlands | Language & Words

    (At a costumed competition of my sports club, I overhear a young Dutch girl who is trying to talk her teammates into getting fancy costumes for next year.)

    Girl: *in Dutch* “Oh, my god! We should SO get ‘oh-nay-sees’ for next year!”

    (She meant onesies…)

    I Smell The Beer Of An Englishman

    , | London, England, UK | Awesome, Strangers, Travel

    (I have flown from the US to London, with a layover in NYC, and land on a Friday afternoon. I was not able to sleep on the flight at all, despite trying. Then, I have to take a one-hour train ride to London from the airport, followed by what feels like a very long walk to the office building where my best friend works. I’ve now gone almost twenty-four hours without sleep, and the walk has drained me much more than expected. I don’t yet have a UK SIM card for my phone, and I don’t know where to find wifi near his office, so all I can do is wait for my friend to get off work and meet me at the spot he asked me to be. I sit down on the steps with my bag, and without realizing it, I’ve nodded off to sleep. Some businessmen across the street enjoying some drinks at a pub call out to me.)

    Businessman #1: “Oi, mate! You all right?”

    Me: *bleary-eyed* “Huh? Oh, sorry. I’m fine; I haven’t slept in over a day… I just flew in from the US. I’m meeting my friend here. He should be out in…” *checks watch* “…a few minutes.”

    (I stand up; obviously sitting won’t work.)

    Businessman #2: “Oh, good, okay. We thought you were drugged out or something!” *mimes the motion of a head nodding side to side and forward* “Looked like you were on a bad trip!”

    Businessman #1: “Hey, why not let me buy you a pint, mate? Help keep you awake!”

    (I should have said yes, but politely declined, thinking in my state a beer was not the best idea. I did thank them for waking me up, as a police officer went by just as they did so. My friend found me a few minutes later, and as we left, the businessmen waved and wished me a good trip. Plenty of friendly Brits in England!)

    Don’t Popularize With Scissors

    | Sohomish, WA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Schoolmates

    (I walk into my first period choir class. Note: It’s still early and I’m about the tenth person out of 65 to walk in.)

    Friend: *in back row* “Hi, [My Name]!”

    Me: “Hi, [Friend]!”

    Other Friend: *sitting in front of her* “Hi, [My Name]!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    Boy: *sitting in front row* “Wow, [My Name], you’re really popular!”

    Me: “I know! It’s scary!”

    (My best friend walks in behind me.)

    Best Friend: “What’s scary? Do you have scissors again?”

    Generation Gap Mishap

    | PA, USA | Love/Romance, Strangers

    (I look considerably younger than I really am and get into a lot of weird or embarrassing situations because of that. I’m reading at the park when I’m approached by a bunch of teenagers who can’t be more than 15 or 16. It’s obvious that the leader of the group is trying to hit on me.)

    Me: “Okay, how old are you exactly?”

    Teenager: “15. How old are you?”

    Me: “How old do you think I am?”

    Teenager: “16? Maybe 17?”

    Me: “Try 23.”

    Teenager: “Oh… wow.”

    (They all awkwardly shuffled away and finally left me alone. To all those people who tell me that it’s a blessing that I look so young, you’ve probably never been a legal adult who was hit on by a kid that can’t even drive!)


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