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  • Can’t Extinguish This Friendship
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  • 28 Days Expired

    | OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (My best friend and I are chatting via IM. The discussion has turned to the latest grocery shopping trip I took to the discount store that has opened up around the corner from my house.)

    Me: “’Course, things only wind up at this store if there’s stuff wrong with it: label misprints, packaging problems, slightly expired, etc… but ya know what? I’m okay with that.”

    (A few seconds later.)

    Me: “… Why does that sound like a line from the first few minutes of either a ‘deadly super virus’ horror movie, or a superhero origin story movie?”

    Game Has Reached Choking Point

    | Canada | Games, Gatherings, Geeks Rule

    (I’m playing D&D with my three friends. I’m a girl, and they’re all boys. We’re being attacked by trolls.)

    Friend #1: “I throw a punch at the nearest troll.”

    (Friend #1 picks up the dice and rolls a one.)

    Friend #3: “You miss and hit [Friend #2]. Your hand catches on fire. Your turn.”

    Me: “I laugh hysterically at what just happened.”

    (I roll another one.)

    Friend #3: “You fail miserably to laugh hysterically and start choking.”

    Friend #2: “How does that work, though?”

    Not In The Same Camp

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Roommates, Technology, Travel

    (At the time I am living with two guy friends. They plan a camping weekend and are packing a car with all the normal camping gear when I look up from my computer to see one of them walk past with his small TV, his DVD player, & some DVDs.)

    Me: “Dude, what the h***? Why are you taking those?”

    Roommate: “Oh, just in case we get bored.”

    Me: “Seriously? You go camping to get away from this shit. Take a book or something.”

    Roommate: “But I hate reading.”

    Me: “Whatever.” *goes back to my computer*

    (They left for their camping trip only to arrive back home about four hours later because the camp-site got rained out and my roommate refused to stay because they couldn’t set up the generator.)

    Saved By A Name

    | USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Religion, Strangers

    (I’m hanging out at a friend’s house. She and her family are Hispanic. A pair of men knock on their door, and her mom opens it.)

    Friend’s Mother: “Can I help you?”

    Man #1: “Yes, we’d like to know if you’ve found Jesus yet?”

    Friend’s Mother: “Yeah, he’s sitting on the couch. Do you need to talk to him?”

    Man #2: “No, we—”

    Friend’s Mother: *turns to the living room* “JESUS! WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?!”

    Man #1: “Uhm… We’re just gonna go now…”

    (My friend’s mom closes the door and smiles at me.)

    Friend’s Mother: “S*** like this is why I named my son Jesus!”

    With Friends Like These… Part 2

    | WV, USA | Backhanded Compliments

    (My friend is complaining about how badly he hates his job at a chain grocery store. I am known for saying the most hateful things to him, but we all know he and I are close friends.)

    Friend: “I’m the smartest person who works at [Grocery Store].”

    Me: “That’s the saddest god-d*** thing I ever heard.”

    With Friends Like These…

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