Featured Story:

A New Level Of Inconsideration

| OR, USA | Gatherings, Roommates, Technology

(My roommate and I are attending a holiday party thrown by some friends of ours who live in a small apartment with only one bathroom. There are around ten of us, but so far, only having one bathroom has not been an issue. Near the end of the party, my roommate goes in to use the bathroom. I also need to go, but figure I can wait for a few minutes. Ten minutes roll by, and I wonder if she isn’t feeling well.)

Friend: “Where is [Roommate]? I haven’t seen her in a while.”

Me: “In the bathroom. Hope she’s okay. I have to go, too.”

(Finally, after 20 minutes, she emerges excitedly, phone in hand.)

Roommate: “I leveled up!”

Drunk From The Vine

| Australia | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Schoolmates

(Before class I’m catching up with a friend who’s known for his wild partying. Note that he’s quite a tall, hairy guy.)

Me: “I saw those pictures of you on Facebook in a Tarzan costume. Rocking party?”

Friend: “Oh, yeah, funny story behind that actually. It was my mate’s 21st and we resolved to not leave until we drank every drop of alcohol. The last thing I remember is pouring everything into a big jug. I woke up at my friend’s house the next day and realised I was late for a group assignment meeting, so I got in my car and drove straight to the university library.”

Me: “Did you have any clothes?”

Friend: “Nope, I was in the library on a Sunday morning hungover in a thigh-length Tarzan costume.”

A Different Kind Of Alcohol Problem

| UK | Food & Drink, Roommates

(My roommate asks for some cider for when he finishes work. I buy four bottles and pop them in the fridge, and he is grateful when he gets home. He has three bottles while I have none due to being ill. Two days later, there is one bottle left so I grab it for myself, but pop into his room to offer some.)

Me: “Hey, you want a swig of the last bottle before I have it?'”

Roommate: “Aw, man, you’re gonna have the last bottle? I wanted it.”

Me: “Sorry, dude, but this is the first one I’ve had, and to be fair I did buy them.”

Roommate: “Yeah, but I planned to drink it later.”

Me: “Are you seriously complaining? I paid for them and you had all the other ones.”

Roommate: “Meh, that’s fine. I’ll just remember next time when I buy some booze to just get it for myself and not share.”

Me: “…”

(This was the third time in a fortnight that I’d bought a crate of cider and let him have the majority of it. Safe to say it was also the last.)

Hitchhiking Can Take A Hike

| St Robert, MO, USA | Roommates, Travel

(My husband and I are talking with our roommate and close friend about going on a trip to Europe after my husband gets out of the army.)

Husband: “We should totally just backpack everywhere.”

Me: “I don’t think I could walk across all the countries.”

Roommate: “…hitchhiking. You’re thinking of hitchhiking. Not good hitchhiking, either.”

Me: “Oh!”

A Colorful Metaphor

| Bridgewater, MA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Gatherings

(My large group of friends are at a restaurant. Friend #1 who is kind of drunk and Friend #2 is messing with her.)

Friend #2: “Hey, [Friend #1], see this cup? It’s empty like your soul!”

Me: *knowing she cannot think of an answer in her state* “Okay, tell him this cup is black like your heart.”

Friend #1: “HEY! THIS CUP IS BLACK… LIKE YOU!”


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