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  • Put Her In The Hot Seat
    (460 thumbs up)
  • Top 5 Funniest Stories Of January 2015

    | Not Always Friendly | Roundups

    January 2015 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Friendly’s top-rated stories last month!

    1. Fight Fire With Fire (1,192 thumbs up)
    2. This Wedding Is Not A Clone Of Others (850 thumbs up)
    3. Friendships Born Of Death (787 thumbs up)
    4. Stuff Your Assumptions (708 thumbs up)
    5. Been Waiting To Kill ‘Bills’ (678 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Probation Infestation

    | PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Strangers

    (A stranger and I are applying for a job as probation officers in a rural county with a fairly notorious drug problem. Because we both missed the previous exam, we have to take a makeup one in the office. While we wait by the elevator for the time to arrive, a young couple with signature grayed and rotted teeth show up.)

    Meth-head Guy: “You two here for probation?”

    Me: “Yeah. Up here, right?”

    Fellow Applicant: “Uh-huh.”

    Meth-head Girl: “What are you on for?”

    Me: “Well, uh, the exam.”

    Fellow Applicant: “Yeah, we’re gonna—”

    Meth-head Girl: “Oh, you’re here to BE probation officers?”

    Meth-head Guy: “Ah, heck, we can’t talk to you!”

    (They moved away from us.)

    They Weren’t Bitten By The Same Bug

    | The Netherlands | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals

    (My friend and I are having beer on a terrace. My friend is long-time single. I’m in a relationship. Oddly, all day I’ve had little spiders and flies on my face and in my hair.)

    Friend: *picks spider from face* “Here, there’s another one on you.”

    Me: “What’s with me today?”

    Friend: “Dunno.”

    (Moments pass, and suddenly my friend stares at me.)

    Me: “What, do I have a bug on my face again?”

    Friend: “Uh, no, not this time.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. I don’t know why I attract all these bugs today.”

    Friend: “Yeah, you’re attractive.”

    Me: “Sooo… what are you going to order for dinner…?”

    Put Her In The Hot Seat

    | London, UK | Health & Body, Strangers, Transportation

    (I’m American. I have a fairly significant [but not readily visible] physical disability and so I always take an ADA seat on public transportation when the other seats are full. I have just taken one of the ‘disabled, elderly, and mothers’ seats on the train. The other three such seats are open. I am 30 but seem to look much younger. A middle-aged lady in a regular seat next to me starts talking:)

    Lady: “You know, people need that seat.”

    Me: *politely* “Um, there are three others.” *looking around and realizing the only people standing in our car are a group of young men* “There doesn’t seem to be anyone in need of any of them.”

    Lady: *haughtily* “I’m sure you don’t realize this since you’re…” *sneers*American, but those seats are for elderly passengers only!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, they’re for elderly passengers, pregnant mothers or mothers with young children and/or prams, and the disabled. As I’ve had a grade-nine spinal fusion and stabilization and suffer from brittle skeleton, the latter applies to me. I am not supposed to stand in a moving vehicle because a fall poses much more danger to me than the average person.”

    Lady: *speechless*

    Me: “For the record, my deceased grandfather was an English titleholder and my uncle currently sits in Parliament.” *train arrives at the concourse* “Have a lovely day!”

    Shouldn’t Be A-Moo-sing

    | Singapore | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

    (My friend and I are watching ‘Le Grand Chef,’ about a poor man who is in a competition to be the heir to the Royal Chef. At one point, he has to demonstrate how to cut up a cow. Because he is poor, he can not buy a cow and sacrifices his pet cow instead. In this scene, the pet cow is on the way to the slaughterhouse. This is the saddest part of the movie.)

    My Friend: “Later on, you’ll see, as the cow goes in, it will turn around and look very sad, maybe shed tears.”

    Me: “Nah, I don’t think so. Look at the corridor it’s walking in, it’s too narrow to turn.”

    (As soon as I said that, the cow turned around with the saddest expression on its face.)

    My Friend & Me: *burst out laughing*

    (The other moviegoers around us shot us dirty looks for the rest of the movie!)

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