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  • Grooming The Situation
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  • The Truth Blurts

    | Austin, TX, USA | Schoolmates, Strangers

    (My husband and I are in line. Both of us attended and work for Texas Agricultural & Mechanical College (A&M), which has a lively rivalry with the University of Texas. It is late in the day, we are tired, and the ‘blurt gene’ which makes me speak before thinking is active that day.)

    Customer: *rushing into the store and shouting* “Quick! What’s the fastest way to U.T.?”

    Me: “Flunk out of A&M.”

    (I collected many a glare, but the customer in line behind me hurt himself laughing.)

    The One One Ring

    | USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I’m texting a somewhat new friend, and we’ve gotten into talking about movies.)

    Me: “I’m really excited to see The Hobbit this December. Are you planning on watching it?”

    Friend: “Yeah. Did you know The Hobbit is a sequel to Lord of the Rings?”

    Me: “Actually, Lord of the Rings is the sequel to The Hobbit. In fact, Tolkien wrote The Hobbit with no intent of continuing the series, so it’s surprising how many people think Lord of the Rings is the main story.”

    Friend: “Wow, you know a lot. Have you seen all the movies?”

    Me: “I’ve seen all the movies, read The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, and The Silmarillion, participated in an insane amount of role-plays and debates about Middle Earth, and am planning to cosplay with my friends this Halloween.”

    Friend: “You are seriously obsessed with this, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yep! I’ve even got this.” *sends picture of a replica One Ring*

    Friend: “OH, MY GOD! IS THAT THE REAL RING?!”

    Me: *assuming he’s joking* “Yep! Shame I’ll have to destroy it.”

    Friend: “HOW DID YOU GET THE ONE RING?”

    Me: “I… bought it online?”

    Friend: “NO FREAKING WAY! IT’S REAL!”

    Me: “Wait, you are kidding, right?”

    Friend: “No…?”

    Me: “You actually think this is the One Ring?”

    Friend: “Isn’t it?”

    Me: “It hurts to say this, but the Ring doesn’t actually exist…”

    (The next time I talked to him, he said he’d thought it really was the One Ring!)

    Her Personality Sucks Worse Than A Sharknado

    | Sault Ste. Marie, ON, Canada | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (A ‘friend’ and I were at a well-known electronics/DVD shop and I found a copy of ‘Sharktopus,’ a SyFy original which had just come out at the time.)

    Me: “OH, MY GOD! They have Sharktopus on Blu-Ray!”

    Friend: “They have what?”

    Me:Sharktopus! It’s SyFy’s latest creature-feature!”

    Clerk:Sharktopus, eh? Have you seen it yet?”

    Me: “No, but I want to!”

    (The clerk and I discuss monster and horror movies for a while, during which time my friend tries and fails to join the conversation by bringing up chick-flicks. After the clerk leaves, she drops this gem.)

    Friend: “Wow.”

    Me: “’Wow’ what?”

    Friend: “Well, I guess looks don’t matter, otherwise he’d have been flirting with me.”

    Me: *shocked* “It’s a good thing personality matters then, because yours needs some serious work.”

    (Needless to say, we didn’t see much of each other after that.)

    Bromancing Before Homancing

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

    (I am chatting to two of my guy friends about the concept of bromance. I am female and my best friend is also female.)

    Me: “Okay, so if guys have bromances, what do girls have?”

    Friend #1: “Sisters doing it for themselves!”

    Me: “That’s a bit of a mouthful.”

    Friend #1: “How about a bramance then?”

    Friend #2: “Yeah, I think you and [Best Friend] have a bramance.”

    Me: “Really? Bramance? Well, it’s better than what I thought you were going to say. I thought you were going to say homance.”

    Friend #2: “Better! I think you and [Best Friend] have a homance.”

    Me: “I don’t think we have any of these.”

    Friend #1: “No, you don’t. Especially as a homance has to be between prostitutes.”

    That Is A Whole New Ball Game

    | Belgium | Roommates, Rude & Risque, Sports

    (The children next door play soccer in their garden, and we need to throw their soccer balls back over the fence regularly. I’m male, my roommate is female.)

    Roommate: “They were playing soccer with their balls just now, and I believe they were more cautious this time.”

    Me: “Yeah, I would be, too.”


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