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  • An Unexpected Party

    | WA, Australia | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Neighbours

    (I am in the kitchen washing dishes when I noticed the neighbours’ daughter about to knock on the front door of my unit. I answer the door to see what she wants.)

    Neighbour’s Daughter: “Can I come in and see your My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic toys?!”

    Me: “Sure, why not.”

    (As soon as she enters, several other kids show up and follow her inside. One of them is even carrying a bag full of ‘My Little Pony’ toys. They stay for about half an hour, singing songs, eating food, looking through my collection, and talking about pony videos they had seen on the Internet. Once they were gone I texted my best friend what had happened.)

    Me: “I now know how Bilbo Baggins felt when Gandalf threw that dwarf rave party.”

    Best Friend: “What?!”

    Me: “I was in my pj’s and robe, too. I keep expecting them to come back and make me sign a contract.”

    Murder Is Just A Game To Them

    | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Geeks Rule

    (I am playing Dungeons and Dragons with some friends. We are in the living room and the window is open.)

    Friend #1: “We really have to be careful with this one. He’s an important man.”

    Friend #2: “What if we snuck in… that way, and just kinda… stabbed him?”

    Me: “That would leave too much evidence. Poison maybe?”

    Friend #2: “We don’t know enough about his habits to poison him through food…”

    Friend #1: *chuckles* “Darts, maybe?”

    (At this point, there’s a knock at the door. I go to open it and see another friend of ours standing there, pale faced and looking quite scared.)

    Friend #3: “Are you… are you guys planning to…” *swallows nervously*

    Me: *bursts out laughing* “We’re playing D&D!”

    Adopting A Parent

    | Australia | Family & Kids, Strangers

    (I’m of Korean descent but I was adopted into Australia as a baby. I moved from one side of the country to the other alone, and made good friends with a woman who I’ve taken to calling ‘mum,’ as she looks out for me while my mother is so far away. Said friend accompanies me to the hairdresser one day and sits quietly as I chat to the stylist about being adopted and moving here.)

    Me: “Oh, mum! How does it look so far?”

    Friend: “It looks awesome, dear.”

    Stylist: *touched expression, looking at my friend* “Did you move here to just to be with your daughter?”

    Friend: *smirk* “I’m not her real mother.”

    Stylist: “That’s… Well, I know, but you’re her mother NOW.”

    Friend: “No, I’m not!”

    Stylist: “But… but…”

    (At this point, the stylist actually looks offended and has stopped cutting my hair.)

    Me: “It’s okay; she’s not my adoptive mother, either. I just call her mum because mine isn’t here.”

    (The stylist gave an awkward laugh and completed my hair in silence, whilst my friend and I were trying so hard not to make her more uncomfortable by bursting out laughing.)

    Steel Yourself For Some Stealing

    | Paris, France | Religion, Strangers, Transportation

    (In the subway, some people sneak a free ride by jumping after you in the gate. I HATE it when they do it to me without asking me first. However, when people ask me politely if they can sneak in behind me, I always give them one of my tickets, hoping it will inspire them to be generous toward other people, too. Most of the time, they take my ticket, smile, and say ‘thank you.’ Today I’m about to enter and an elderly lady comes to me.)

    Lady: “Hello. May I sneak in with you, please?”

    Me: “No, take this!”

    (I give her a ticket and I enter. I’m waiting for my train when she comes to me, probably after sneaking in with someone else, and shows me the unused ticket I gave her.)

    Lady: “Excuse me. I cannot steal this from you.”

    Me: “You’re not stealing anything from me. This is a gift.”

    Lady: “I don’t want to take your ticket. I’m a Christian. I don’t want to steal from other people!”

    Me: “Accepting a gift is not stealing and anyway, it cost me hardly more than one euro. I just want to be nice to you. Please.”

    Lady: “No, I cannot do that!”

    Me: “Please, take it and help a complete stranger in turn. Then suggest to him or her to help another stranger. And so on!”

    Lady: “No, I don’t want to do that! I’m a good Christian. I don’t steal from other people. Just take your ticket back!”

    Me: “You’re a Christian and you don’t want me to make a good deed?”

    Lady: “I don’t want to STEAL!”

    Me: “Actually, sneaking in IS stealing from the transportation control, you know? I don’t want to be accessory to stealing. Please, just take it. It’s just a ticket.”

    Lady: “No! It would be WRONG!”

    (She left the ticket on a bench instead of accepting it. The thing is, there are often controls in that subway and the fines are huge. Not only was she uncaring and rude, she was also stupid not to accept my gift.)

    Pop Culture Is Alien To Her

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Geeks Rule, LGBTQ, Movies & TV

    (My friend and I are driving to have coffee/tea at the local pub one evening when I am asked how my previous Friday night was. I went and saw the ‘Rocky Horror Show’ at the Comedy Theatre, and am trying to explain to my friend, who does not like pop-culture at all, what it is about.)

    Me: “So, it’s a kind of sci-fi/horror parody, rock ‘n’ roll musical where a recently engaged couple stumble upon a castle inhabited by a group of pansexual, transvestite, scientist aliens who are trying to assimilate in to 1950s America.”

    Friend: “Yeahhhhhh, that sounds like absolute crap. Aliens? Human aliens? Science-fiction? Rock ‘n’ roll? Who writes this stuff?”

    Me: “Oh come on! Rocky Horror? It’s a cult classic! You’ve never heard of it? It’s amazing! Anyway, ‘human’ aliens are not uncommon in popular culture. You know how your boyfriend likes Superman? Well, Superman is an alien. You keep buying yourself Superman singlets so I don’t know how you’re not aware of this?!”

    Friend: “Superman is not an alien!”

    Me: *stares at my friend dumbfounded* “How do you think he has powers? He is from the planet Krypton, and saves people when he isn’t masquerading as Clark Kent.”

    Friend: “Who is Clark Kent?”

    Me: “Oh, my gosh.” *shakes head*

    (We go in to the pub and order coffee and tea, and as the waiter comes to deliver my tea pot, I absentmindedly continue the conversation.)

    Me: “I still don’t understand how you don’t know that Superman is an alien.”

    Waiter: *giggles*

    Friend: “Oh, come on, this can’t be a well-known thing?!” *turns to the waiter for help*

    Waiter: “You are so asking the wrong person. I know everything about Superman.”

    Me: “Yes!”

    (I high-fived the waiter and we laughed at my friend as he went off to get her coffee, and came back still laughing. My friend and I still go for coffee/tea every Thursday and the waiter still laughs at her.)


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