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  • Sounded All White In Your Head

    | NSW, Australia | Bigotry, Games

    (While talking to my friend online, I am playing a puzzle game on my gaming device. I am stuck on a room where I require two characters in white shirts to proceed.)

    Me: “I need two white people.”

    Friend: “What?!”

    Me: “Oh, god… I didn’t realise how bad that sounds out of context!”

    Worth Going On The Run For

    | Belgium | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Family & Kids

    (We are on a camping trip with our friends and their three-year-old. I brought my nine- month-old son’s music book, which the three-year-old finds very interesting and wants to play with all the time. His parents told him to ask me if he could play with it, but he refuses to ask while still trying to play with it.)

    Friend’s Son: “Okay. If you put the book here, I will run away.”

    Me: “Are you sure? You know you can’t play with it until you ask.”

    Friend’s Son: “Yes. Put it down and I will run away.”

    Me: “Okay.” *puts down the book*

    Friend’s Son: *makes a move to grab the book* “Now I run away!”

    (I couldn’t fault his logic… He never did say he was going to run away WITHOUT the book!)

    A Poem A-Pooing

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

    (I have a friend who shares my very offbeat sense of humor. Despite her being out of state, we are very close. I haven’t heard from her for an entire day, and since we talk so often this worries me. I send the following poem to her via text.)

    Me:
    “Do you wish you could get rid of those bodies in your garage?
    Do you feel like you really need a good pelvic massage?
    Do you want to eat all your chocolate today,
    Or do you think it’ll taste just as good tomorrow anyway?
    May I ask you how you’re doing,
    Or is my time better spent a-pooing?”

    (She got a good laugh out of it.)

    Every Driver Except Me Is An Idiot

    | IA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (My best friend and I are driving to school. We come to a traffic light, and, without warning, the person crossways from us drives right across the road, through his red light. We slam on the brakes.)

    Friend: “I can’t believe they did that!”

    Me: “Yeah, that was pretty bad.”

    Friend: “Completely illegal.”

    (We continue driving. We are now coming up toward school, where there are a lot of stop signs. My friend blows right through the next one without even slowing down.)

    Me: “Hey! That was a stop sign!”

    Friend: “And?”

    Me: “You just got really upset because someone ran a red light! And you just did exactly the same thing!”

    Friend: “Yeah, well… THIS stop sign is optional!”

    Fight For Your Friendship

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Best Friends, Technology

    (My best friend and I have been chatting online. We get into a mock argument, where my friend repeatedly keeps saying ‘you wanna fite?’ Later, I am playing video games when my husband comes downstairs.)

    Husband: “Hey, is [Best Friend] mad at you?”

    Me: “Noooo… why?”

    Husband: “Have you not seen Facebook?”

    (Sure enough, I check my profile to see my best friend has tagged a post of her and me:)

    Post:

    “BEST FRIEND BEATDOWN THIS SUNDAY NIGHT!

    FREE ENTRY TO SEE:

    [Best Friend] ‘THE BRAWL BABE’

    DISHES OUT PUNISHMENT TO

    [My Name] ‘THE MEAN QUEEN’

    A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY! SEE IT WHILE YOU CAN!”

    (I immediately burst into laughter, and could barely hold it together. People actually thought we were going to fight!)


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