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  • Needs To Come Back For The Good Vibrations

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Rude & Risque, Schoolmates, Travel

    (I am with a few friends in a mall near my house. We walk into a store that is known for selling unusual novelties such as ‘adult’ toys. My friends are on student visas from Vietnam and are not familiar with many U.S. stores and ‘products.’ One of the girls stops me near one of the displays.)

    Friend: “What are those things?”

    (I look and realize she’s pointing at a selection of women’s vibrators.)

    Me: “Ahem, well…”

    (As tastefully as I can, I explain what they are and what they are used for.)

    Friend: *embarrassed* “Oh! Uh… Let’s go. Let’s go…”

    (We quickly walk away from the display with her a few steps behind me. I hear her say something softly to herself.)

    Friend: “I have to come back here when I am alone.”

    First Cybertron World Problems

    | SC, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Strangers

    (My neighbors’ children like to frequent my front porch, as I give them lemonade and talk to them like miniature adults. Add to that the fact that I’ve known most of them since their mothers were pregnant with them, and you’ve got sort of a friendly neighborhood big sister.)

    Little Girl: “I can tell by your shirt that you love Transformers.”

    (Anyone who knows me knows that I am a major fan. I will talk about Transformers until the cows come home. This time, though, I just nod and smile.)

    Little Girl: “I don’t really like Transformers. I mean, you get in the car, lalalalala, everything is fine, and suddenly it turns into a robot!”

    (She said this in a frustrated voice, as if speaking from personal experience.)

    Little Boy: *in a sympathetic tone and a heavy sigh* “…yeah.”

    (I was hard-pressed to keep from laughing.)

    Prank Answering

    | Finland | Bizarre/Silly

    (I have a habit of sometimes answering my phone with, ‘National Bureau of Investigation. Violent crime section!’ One day my rather gullible female friend was calling me.)

    Me: “National Bureau of Investigation. Violent crime section!”

    Friend: “… Sorry, wrong number!” *click*

    (I am amazed she didn’t recognize my voice. My phone rings; it’s her again.)

    Me: *laughing* “Again, National Bureau of Investigation!”

    Friend: *catching on* “[My Name]! You are terrible!”

    Pearls Of Wisdom

    | HI, USA | Bigotry, History, Strangers, Travel

    (I am 15 years old. My family is taking a trip to the US, where we visit the Pearl Harbor museum. We arrive just behind a large Chinese tour bus, and so have to wait quite a while in the line. As we do, we begin chatting with an older white couple. The conversation is going fairly well, until…)

    Woman: “This is taking forever…”

    Man: *waves at the many people in front of us* “You’d think they’d make them go last considering what they did here!”

    (My whole family is momentarily stunned by the ignorance of this statement. It’s my little sister who speaks up first.)

    Sister: “Uh… they’re Chinese, not Japanese.”

    Man: “What does it matter? They’re all the same.”

    Dad: “They… really aren’t. Japan INVADED China during World War II.”

    Me: “In fact, the same day Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, they also invaded Hong Kong. The fight went on for, like, eight days and thousands of people died!”

    Man: “Oh…”

    Mom: “And even if they WERE Japanese, it doesn’t seem fair to hold them accountable for something their government did over 50 years ago.”

    (The two of them had the decency to look embarrassed but they turned away and didn’t say a word for the rest of the queue.)

    Immature Irony

    | Fife, Scotland, UK | Gatherings, Health & Body, LGBTQ, Rude & Risque

    (I am currently sat in the school common room with a bunch of friends — we’re all in our last year of school. I’m struggling with my sexuality and believe I may be asexual or aromantic. I’ve decided to explain my situation to my friends, almost like I was coming out.)

    Me: “So yeah, I did a bunch of research on it and I thought about it for a good while. I’m not sure but I really think I could be asexual. I got 69% asexual on an Internet sexuality test but I—”

    All Friends: *laughing*

    Me: “Guys, this is serious! You’re the first people I’ve even mentioned this to!”

    Friend #1: “69!”

    All Friends: *laughing even harder*

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