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    Rather Unique Dinner Plans

    | CA, USA | Health & Body

    (We’re visiting a friend who is pregnant. She is having severe, constant morning sickness. It is evening and she has just come out of the bathroom having been throwing up. She is so frustrated that she announces the following.)

    Friend: “I want to meet the doctor who came up with the term morning sickness. I want to invite him over to my house for eight o’clock at night and barf on his shoes!”

    Jackson’s Johnson

    | Newark, DE, USA | Games, Gatherings, Rude & Risque

    (I’m the idiot in the story. It is the middle of summer and my best friend has taken to living with me, going to her home only for a few days at a time. On this night we have been playing Pictionary for several hours. My subject is ‘Michael Jackson.’ I am not a good artist, so I doodled a thin figure with an afro grabbing his crotch and holding a microphone.)

    Best Friend: “I don’t know, [My Name]. A gay DMX?”

    Me: “No…”

    Best Friend: *getting very agitated but still laughing like mad* “I have no clue, and what’s up with his hand?”

    Me: *finally having no other hints but something very risqué* “What’s between a man’s legs?”

    Best Friend: “You should know that by now.”

    Becomes A Completely Different Animal

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

    (I am in gym class. A girl near me is wearing a t-shirt with a giraffe on it.)

    Me: “I really like your shirt!”

    Girl #1: “Thanks. I love giraffes. They’re, like, my favorite animal. I wish I could have one as a pet.”

    (A minute later, one of her friends comes over.)

    Girl #2: “Hey [Girl #1], I like your shirt! Giraffes are the best.”

    Girl #1: *very dismissively* “Yeah, they’re okay, I guess.”

    Me: “…”

    Violently Pressing “End Call”


    themetapicture.com_slamming-the-phone-the-old-fashioned-way_

    I Know You From Adam

    | CT, USA | Liars/Scammers, Religion

    Friend: “We traced my family genealogy all the way back to Adam & Eve.”

    Me: “Well, that’s not really possible.”

    Friend: “Yes, it is; my church has all the documents.”


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