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  • Accepting Help Doesn’t Make You Helpless
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  • Accepting Help Doesn’t Make You Helpless

    | MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Strangers

    (I’ve stopped at a grocery store to get a few things that were on sale, pick up some of our WIC stuff (a government program that provides nutritious food to low-income children), and ended up buying an Oprah magazine. At the checkout:)

    Guy Behind Me: “Nice to see my tax dollars are paying for your milk so you have money to buy stuff from Oprah.”

    Me: “OH, MY GOD! I TOTALLY FORGOT!”

    Guy Behind Me: *stares*

    Me: “I totally forgot that accepting help to make sure my child gets nutritious food means you get to sign off on my personal decisions.”

    Guy Behind Me: *stares*

    Me: “I haven’t asked you yet today – what do you think of this outfit? Is it okay? And my hair? I was going to call you when I was doing it to make sure it was okay with you, but I didn’t want to interrupt you since you were probably busy.”

    Guy Behind Me: *stares*

    Me: “Did you want to come home with me now and make sure my clothes for tomorrow are okay? Or choose what I have for dinner? I was thinking rice and beans. Is that all right, or is that not impoverished enough?”

    Guy Behind Me: *puts down his basket and leaves the store*

    Not Painting A Pretty Picture

    | USA | Neighbours

    (I have only lived in a new apartment building for a week when my neighbor stops me. Every resident gets one storage bin in the laundry room, clearly marked with his or her apartment number. I look and see that my bin is full of up with someone’s stuff that is not mine.)

    Neighbor: “Hello! You know those bins in the laundry? Can I have yours? I’m a painter and I have lots of stuff.”

    Me: “Oh, is that your stuff that is in my bin?”

    Neighbor: “Yes, can I have it? I noticed that you weren’t using it so I thought I’d help myself!”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so. I might need it.”

    Neighbor: *smile disappears* “Wait, what? You won’t let me have it? Why not?”

    Me: “I told you that I might need it!”

    Neighbor: “But you aren’t using it!”

    Me: “I might later! Don’t you have your own bin? Why don’t you use yours?”

    Neighbor: “I do but mine’s full! I have lots of stuff! I’m a painter!”

    Me: “Well, that’s too bad but you can’t use mine. I might need it.” *walks away*

    (He used it anyway. Whoever said ‘Love Thy Neighbor’ never had one like this. Why ask if you’re going to use it anyway?)

    Trained To Bug Out

    | Washington DC, USA | Pets & Animals

    (Three of us are sitting in Friend #1’s house when a massive roach comes scurrying across the floor. Friend #2 has a terrible phobia of bugs. To our surprise, she calmly sits there as the roach runs across her foot and under a table.)

    Me: “[Friend #2], are you okay? How did you do that?”

    (She stands up and grabs her purse.)

    Friend #1: “What are you doing?”

    Friend #2: “I’m taking the train.”

    Me: “What train?”

    Friend #2: “The nope train.”

    Me: “The what?”

    Friend #2: *still dead calm* “I am boarding the nope train to f***-this-s***-ville.”

    (She took off running and refused to come back in.)

    I Have Bad Friends

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    Bracing For Childbirth

    | UT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My husband and I are attending the wedding of one of his coworkers. This coworker is in his late 40s. He and I had braces at the same time, although I had them for a much longer time. I finally had to ask my orthodontist to just take them off, because I was a couple weeks away from having a baby, and didn’t want to deal with them and a newborn.)

    Coworker: “[Wife], come look! She got her braces off!”

    Coworker’s Wife: “Hey, your teeth look so good!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, she had the braces on for so long! And the baby came out with braces, too!”


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