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  • Mixed Feelings About Adoption
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  • Childhood Is A Treasure

    | Yukon, OK, USA | Family & Kids, Strangers

    (My four-year-old daughter is at a park, where she sees a boy come into the area she’s playing in. It is the first kid to come around this area of the park, so she’s happy.)

    Daughter: “Hi, my name is [Daughter]. What is your name?”

    Boy: *overly excited and throws his arms up in the air* “I’m [Boy]. I can’t find the… BURIED… treasure!”

    Daughter: “We can find it!”

    (And thus began thirty minutes of running everywhere looking for it.)

    Your Pants Are On Fire, Literally

    | Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Health & Body

    (A friend and I are hanging out. We go outside for a smoke. I am standing while he is sitting on a bench. The ember of his cigarette falls off onto his pants.)

    Me: “Dude, you just ashed on yourself.”

    Friend: “It happens.”

    (Long pause…)

    Me: “It’s still on fire.”

    (Cue him leaping up and frantically brushing his legs. It burned a hole the size of a dime through his pants!)

    Shouldn’t Joke Of The Dead

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | History, Travel

    (A friend of mine is a big local history buff. We are driving through Halifax when we pass by a large cemetery.)

    Me: *pointing at the cemetery*  ”Hey, [Friend], did you know that’s the ‘dead’ center of Halifax?”

    Friend: “No way! But that makes sense, it’s kind of in the middle, and if you think about the historical boundaries of the old city…”

    (He trails off as I start laughing and glares at me.)

    Friend: “I hate you!”

    Not Big(ot) On Accents

    | Singapore | Bigotry, Transportation, Travel

    (I’m a Caucasian expat living in Singapore. I’ve learned to speak the local creole well enough to get by, as my foreign accent often comes across as unintelligible. On the train on my way home from work one night, a Caucasian man steps into my carriage.)

    Man: *looks around, spots me, and openly gawks* “Oh, THANK GOD!”

    (He practically runs towards me and sits right next to me, despite most seats being unoccupied.)

    Man: “Another NORMAL person, finally! Aw, man, I can’t tell you how great it is to see you! I mean, this place is ridiculous! It’s full of… Asians!”

    Me: *raises an eyebrow while frowning*

    Man: “Yeah, like, I wanted a holiday and everything, but I didn’t want a tropical place that didn’t have stores and bars and stuff, y’know? So the travel guy said Singapore would be good, but everyone here is bloody Chinese or something! I don’t know what’s wrong with the place!”

    Me: *trying my best to sound as local as possible* “Aiyah, why you come Singapore one ah? Dis one cannot lah!”

    (The man looked terrified and scooted away.)

    When Cute Is Moot

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners

    (Our friends and their baby were visiting.)

    Friend: “There’s always someone taller than you; someone better looking than you; someone better at sports than you…”

    Me: “But you think your daughter is the cutest baby ever, right?”

    Friend: “I’ve seen cuter.”

    (His wife was not pleased!)

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