Shuts That Door In A New York Minute

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Strangers

(I am thirteen years old, My mom takes me on a trip to New York for a few days. We do some shopping, see a Broadway show, etc. and are having a great time. I was born and raised in the South, but my accent isn’t particularly thick. As we’re leaving a department store, I see a middle-aged woman behind us with her arms full of shopping bags. So, I do what I was taught and hold the door for her while my mom waits for me on the sidewalk.)

Woman: *stops halfway through the door and stares at me and says in a thick NY accent* “What do you want?”

Me: *surprised, since I’ve never had an adult get mad at me for holding a door before* “I’m sorry?”

Woman: *squints at me, still not moving* “What’s your problem?”

Me: “Uh… I was just holding the door for you, ma’am.”

Woman: “Humph. You’re from the south aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Woman: “Who told you that you could just hold doors for people?”

Me: *completely confused by this point* “My mother.” *points to where she’s standing*

Woman: “Well, don’t just assume you can hold the door, and don’t you call me ma’am!” *finally walks away*

(I paused for a minute, considering how everything I’d been taught about how I should address adults was just trampled on. I decided she must had been having a bad day and went back to find my mom. Now, I’m not one to generalize about a group of people based on one person’s actions, and the rest of the New Yorkers we met that week were great! But I’ll probably never forget that one lady who got upset with me for being polite.)


Judging And Messing And Drinking

| USA | Best Friends

Me: “Ever mess around with someone only to regret it later?”

Friend: “About 75% of the people I mess around with.”

Me: “Wow… maybe you should drink less.”

Friend: “Maybe you should stop judging!”


By The Twelve!

| USA | Coworkers, Games

(I play Final Fantasy XIV. Every day, I tell a coworker something I’m going to be doing or have done in the game. She doesn’t play video games, so usually I leave things vague, or show a picture of a boss fight I’m doing. Occasionally I like to throw out a comment so vague, that she thinks I’m doing something in real life. Here are a few examples.)

Story #1:

Me: “I need to punch a moogle–” *a cute creature that is considered one of the two mascots for the entire series* “–in the face.”

Coworker: “What’s a moogle?”

(I show her a picture of the moogle boss I’m fighting.)

Coworker: “It’s cute! Don’t kill it!”

Me: “It’ll destroy the world if I don’t.”

Coworker: “Then let it destroy the world!”

Story #2:

Me: “I need to take down an old man.” *referring to a lightning-themed boss with a long beard*

Coworker: “You should respect the elderly!”

Me: “To be fair, I tried to be peaceful, but he challenged me.”

Coworker: “Don’t hit old people!”

Story #3:

Me: “Is it time to go home yet? I have to get an apartment.”

Coworker: *stares at me in shock* “You’re finally moving out of your parent’s basement and putting yourself in the real world?”

Me: “No, they’re bringing the servers up just after I get off, and they’re adding apartment housing.”

Coworker: “I was getting my hopes up that you were finally going to do something to change your life!”

Me: “You should know me better than that.”


Dollar Store Does Boobs Now

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’m at work, chatting with my one coworker. Somehow, through the unpredictable flow of conversation, the fact that she once had a breast reduction comes up.)

Coworker: “I had five pounds of boob taken out: two-and-a-half from each one. But it was covered by my insurance, so all I had to pay was $5 for the initial visit. Oh, I just realized: it was a dollar a pound!”

(I break down laughing.)

Coworker: *grinning* “Now every time you hear that, you’re going to think of me and my big boobs!”


Fly For A Mile In Someone Else’s Shoes

| Perth, WA, Australia | Awesome, Strangers

(I’ve taken a 12-year-old boy I would look after sometimes to a local amusement park. This place has a bunch of rides, a water park area, and a pedal monorail thing that wraps around the front of the park. We plant ourselves in an area half under the monorail and some trees. The boy I’m looking after runs off to do his thing and I settle in to do some reading. About 10 minutes later something drops on my head and I notice it’s a shoe. I look up to see a rather panicky young teen girl yelling down to me from the monorail.)

Girl: “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry. Can you throw it back?”

Me: “My throwing skills suck. Listen, go the rest of the way and I’ll be waiting here for you.”

Girl: *really unsure* “Um, okay, I’ll be there soon.”

(I go back to my book while keeping an eye out for a one-shoed teen. About 10 minutes later I spot this young girl sprinting towards me.)

Me: “Here ya go.”

Girl: “Thank you so much. I was worried that you might run off with it.”

Me: “No worries there, hun. My size 10 feet have no use for a size 6 left shoe. Have fun the rest of the day.”

Girl: “I will. You, too!”

(The rest of the day went on with no other shoes falling from the sky and I moved to a new tree.)

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