icon_technology

Makes Her Problems Grow With This One Easy Trick!

| USA | Neighbours, Technology

(There is an old lady who has no family left and is very lonely. She just turned 79. My family visits her every Saturday. She has tech problems and is often targeted by scammers. My mom tells her not to answer the phone if she doesn’t know the number. My brother and I are home-schooled. I am doing algebra when the phone rings. My mom answers it.)

Mom: “Oh, hi, [Old Lady]… Yes… Oh, no… Oh, good! But— Oh… I see… I’ll be there in twenty minutes. DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING.” *hangs up* “[My Name], you’re in charge. I’ll be right back.”

Me: “What happened?”

Mom: “[Old Lady] got a call from an unknown number. She didn’t answer it.”

Me: “Good, so what’s the problem?”

Mom: “[Old Lady] called back.”

Me: “…”

Mom: “Now I have to cancel her credit card.”

(On another day, my brother and I are playing a board game when my mom comes up.)

Mom: “Hey, [My Name], [Brother]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Mom: “[Old Lady] literally just fell for the Nigerian Prince scam. I’ll be back.”

(She leaves. My brother smacks his head against his hand repeatedly.)

Brother: “Nigeria doesn’t even have a prince. It’s a f****** democracy.”

icon_familykids

Behavior Fit For A Toilet

| ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive, Strangers

(I am around seven or eight, at a restaurant with my dad. I go to the bathroom. I go into a stall and sit down, when I hear someone walk in.)

Lady: *knocks on the door to my stall*

Me: “I’m in here!”

(I’m pretty loud when speaking, so I think she hears me.)

Lady: “Hello? Anyone in there?”

Me: “I’m in here! Please don’t come in!”

(I think that’s the end of it, but I hear her step back, and she Sparta-kicks the door open, breaking the lock in the process! I quickly put my hands on my lap and lean down slightly, and then look at her. She has her small child with her, and she stares at me like someone just put a plate of rotting garbage under her nose.)

Lady: “Ugh, stupid kids.” *to her child* “Let’s try in the other stalls. I’m sure there isn’t a dumb kid in there. Not like you, my little angel.”

(She then walked off to the next stall without so much as an apology. I struggled to close the door with my tiny child legs while finishing up, and then I washed my hands and left. A little while later when my dad and I were getting ready to leave, I looked over to the other side of the restaurant. The kid from the washroom was throwing a huge temper tantrum, including throwing food and utensils, and the mother was getting glares from everyone else around them. As we left, I saw the mother getting a talking to by the owner! Sweet justice!)

icon_religion

Tramming Their Faith Down Your Throat

| Religion, Strangers

(My boyfriend and I are running errands on a particularly rainy and cold day. At some point we are on a tram stop and are waiting for our train, minding our own business, when a peculiar-looking old lady starts talking to me.)

Old Lady: “Excuse me, can you read?”

(I assume that she needs help with the tram plan, because I have often been asked for help with it in the past, so I just say yes.)

Old Lady: “You see, I need to… I need to make you a present… For Christmas… For you to be happy… It is important… About this book, you know, you do have it in your home, don’t you? The Bible?”

(Having guessed what she wants, I try to back out quickly, but politely, being far too nice.)

Me: “I have read it, I don’t have it, and I’m an atheist. You might not want to waste your time with me.”

Old Lady: “But this isn’t good, not at all! You’re so young! You need to let yourself be saved!”

Me: “Everyone’s entitled to their beliefs or lack thereof, so could we please leave it at that? Thanks.”

(I walk two steps away to my boyfriend, who has been playing with his phone, in order to ask him something unrelated to the old lady. She, however, doesn’t give up and decides to try and convert him. Note that he’s agnostic, but doesn’t like religious zealots who try to convert people on the street or walking from door to door.)

Old Lady: “Excuse me, can you read?”

Boyfriend: *not having heard my interaction with her, he just stares at her blankly*

Me: “He’s with me, and an atheist, too. Could you leave us alone, please?”

Old Lady: “Why? You want to lead people away from God! Why?! You are evil!”

Me: “Not sure about evil, and about leading people away from God. I’m not speaking to strangers on the tram stop, trying to convert people, now, am I?”

(She looks at me meanly, but our tram comes and we get in.)

Boyfriend: “Boy, she was weird… You are aware that I’m agnostic, though, are you not?”

Me: “I am, but it’s none of her business. I know that if you have questions, you’d look for a theologian or a priest, the way normal people do.”

(Seriously, I respect people’s beliefs, no matter what they call themselves, but not when they start hurting others’ freedom, and zealots who try to “save me” are extremely annoying.)

icon_lgbtq

Presidential Debate: Lip-Sync For Your Life

| Lancaster, PA, USA | LGBTQ, Politics

(My friends are discussing the upcoming election.)

Friend #1: “I’m going to write in RuPaul’s name. It’s about time we had a drag queen president.”

Friend #2: “That would actually be very practical. He could be both president and first lady!”

icon_religion

Jehovah’s Witless, Part 10

| Germany | Religion, Strangers

(My family and I live in a very rural area, so the only people that ever come to visit is either my extended family, very close friends, or the postman, who only comes around in the afternoon. Thus, I’m very relaxed about opening the door; or at least I used to be. My friend has stayed over and we watched movies all night and made a mess. One morning I open the front door to find what I assumed to be a really cute gay couple with a little boy standing in front of it. I’m only wearing my pyjamas, consisting of boxer shorts and a short crop top, since it’s summer and pretty warm. Utterly confused as to why a gay couple with a child would ring my doorbell at eight am on the weekend, I greet them.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Them: “Good morning… Uh… is… now not a good time?”

Me: “Actually, you woke me up.”

Them: “Oh. Sorry.”

(I now assume them to be new neighbours, since the house closest to ours was sold recently, to a couple with a son, as far as I knew.)

Them: “I guess we’ll come back later.”

Me: “That would be nice, sorry.”

Them: “Here.” *giving me some kind of brochure and retreating*

(I close the door and stumble back inside, to where my friend has woken up.)

Friend: “Who was that?”

Me: “Gay couple with kid. Probably our new neighbours.”

(I drop down to the sofa next to her and look at the brochure, going completely pale. She takes it from my hands. It is very obviously about something religious, and the realization that I basically answered the door half naked to a RELIGIOUS couple with a child sinks in. My best friend takes the brochure.)

Friend: “They weren’t a couple. They were Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

Related:
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 9
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 8
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 7

Page 1/53612345...Last