icon_languagewords

A Very Bloody Sunday School

| USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(After the death of our mom, my sister turns to religion to help cope. She meets a nice lady urging her to join her church. I’m with them.)

Sister: “Is your church nice?”

Lady: “Yes, very well maintained.”

Me: “Whenever I go to church to pray, I’m always distracted by children running around screaming their heads off. I don’t like that.”

Sister: “Oh, yeah! I remember the last time that we went, this strange little girl was whispering in our ears!”

Lady: “Really? What was she whispering?”

Me: “Just ‘psss, psss, psss.’ Nonsense.”

Lady: “Well… I can promise you that in our church, we don’t have little children running around screaming. Sometimes, a child gets fussy and the parent doesn’t let them scream, just takes them out.”

(My sister and I nod in relief.)

Lady: “Er, wait, I don’t mean ‘take them out’; I mean, they pick them up and take them outside, you know?”

(My sister let out the first hearty laugh I’ve heard since our mom’s death. I was happy to hear it!)

icon_technology

Also Thankful They Don’t Have Black Friday

| USA | Holidays, Technology

(The following posts are from the admins of a Facebook group.)

Post: “Happy Thanksgiving from the American admin!”

(An hour or so later…)

Post: “Happy regular Thursday from the UK admin!”

icon_bigotry

Giving Them Some White Privileged Information

| AZ, USA | Bigotry, Popular

(I am half Navajo, although I look more white. It actually used to bother me when I was younger, because while I have spent a lot of time with my mom’s family, I have never actually met my white half. I am in line at the grocery store when I overhear someone say:)

Random Person: “You know what I’m thankful for? Dude, I’m thankful for being white!”

(I turn and find myself face-to-face with two young guys.)

Guy #1: *noticing me looking* “What? You’ve thought the same thing!”

Me: *slowly, in Navajo* “No… No, I can’t say that I have.”

Guy #2: *exaggerated whisper* “Dude, I don’t think she’s white.”

(Guy #1 turns red and scuttles off, while Guy #2 follows, laughing and calling after him.)

Guy #2: “I TOLD you to be careful where you say that s***!”

(The Mexican cashier thought it was insanely funny, as did two nearby Paiute men.)

icon_strangers

A Hundred And One Reasons To Get Away

| NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Strangers

(My gas tank is nearly empty, so I’ve stopped to refill at the gas station near my house. I’m a 20-year-old woman, dressed for the sweltering Carolina summer. As I start pumping gas, a man about my age wanders over to me; he’s wearing a dirty tank top tucked into hiked-up boxers, unevenly sagging gym shorts, and looks about a foot taller than me. Alarm bells started going in my head as soon as I notice him meandering in my general direction.)

Man: “Hey, uh, you got change for a hundred?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: “You sure?”

Me: “Yeah, no change. Sorry.”

(He turns and heads toward the cars parked at the convenience store. He gets halfway across the parking lot from me before suddenly turning around to yell at me.)

Man: “HEY, YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND?”

Me: *turns off the gas pump and replaces the nozzle*

Man: “I SAID, DO YOU GOT YOU A BOYFRIEND?”

(I got in my car and drove off with my tank a quarter full, away from home at first and then the back way through the neighborhood. It was a month before I went back to that gas station again, but I haven’t seen that guy since. It’s been a couple of years but I still get that sharp twinge of anxiety in my guts at every gas station.)

icon_bizarresilly

Play-Dover And Over And Over

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre/Silly

(My friend and I are browsing a well known toy store for collectible figures. I’m coming back from the restroom as he finishes checking out.)

Me: “Man, that restroom smells like Play-Doh.”

Friend: “Still?! I worked here 15 years ago. It smelled like Play-Doh then.”

Me: “Wow, how does a smell linger for that long?”

Friend: “I don’t think you want to know.”

Page 1/51712345...Last