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Mother Is All Steam(punked) Up

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Strangers

(I’ve gone to my first steampunk convention ever, and I’ve gotten so nervous at the idea of meeting new people that I suffer from nausea. It isn’t long before I have to find a restroom to vomit. I’m the only one in there save for a little girl who is possibly 6-7 years old who approaches me in the middle of vomiting.)

Girl: “Can you help me tie my strings?”

Me: *answering once I’m able to* “I can’t right now.”

Girl: “I can’t tie these strings on my own, though. Can you please do it?”

Me: “Honey, I’m throwing up right now. I really can’t.”

(I get back to emptying my already empty stomach and she leaves. I don’t think anything more about it until later that day when the girl’s mother approaches me.)

Mom: “My daughter told me you yelled at her this morning when she asked you for help.”

Me: “I did? Who’s your daughter?”

Mom: “You don’t ever f***ing yell at my child again! She just wanted help with her dress. You had no right to be so f***ing rude to her!”

Me: “What? I wasn’t rude! I was throwing up when she asked me to help. All I said was I couldn’t help, because I was obviously throwing up!”

Mom: “You could have done it after you’d finished. B****.” *stomps off*

(Really…?)

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The Wrong Number For The Right Restaurant

| Jerusalem, Israel | Awesome

(This story is remarkable not because of anybody’s behavior, but because of the enormity of the coincidence. I am at home, and the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Woman: “Hi, this is the German consulate. We’d like to make a reservation for 8:00 tonight.”

Me: “Um… I think you have the wrong number.”

Woman: “This isn’t [Restaurant]?”

Me: *surprised* “Well, I did propose to my wife at that restaurant, but other than that I have nothing to do with them!”

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Your Brain Has Tunnel Vision

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I’m taking a train to Paris with some university friends and I overhear a couple of them pondering how they could build a tunnel underwater. Thinking they’re asking about the difficulties of building under the sea bed I lean over and begin to explain the process, before one of them interrupts…)

Friend #1: “But wouldn’t all the water just flood in?”

Me: “Well, it does flood but they pump it out and seal up as they dig.”

Friend #2: “How do you dig through water?”

Me: “You don’t… You dig down and go under the sea bed. Same principle as digging the Tube under the Thames.”

Friend #3: “Yeah, but that’s on land. How can you dig under the sea?”

Me: “The channel’s only about 60 metres deep. You dig down to there, go across and then dig up.”

Friend #4: “Wait. There’s land under the sea?”

Me: “…yes.”

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