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Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 2

| Portland, OR, USA | Games, Pokemon, Religion

(My roommate, his girlfriend, and I are out driving around taking care of chores. I’m in the backseat playing Pokémon Go, while his girlfriend is running both his and her copies of the app. We’re currently heading to the local DMV so I can get some information sorted out.)

Me: “Huh, there’s a Pokéstop at the DMV.”

Roommate: “Really? Pokémon Go, making people go places they really don’t want to.”

(I’m a fairly devout Christian, but I can’t resist taking the obvious jab.)

Me: “Like church?”

(There’s a brief moment of stunned silence, before his girlfriend starts shaking her head while smiling, and he starts talking while halfway laughing.)

Roommate: “Dude, that was cruel; great, but unexpectedly cruel coming from you.”

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again

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A Clockwork Derange

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV

(I used to work at a chain video store as a second job. The biggest question we receive from customers, after “do you have [New Release that everyone already grabbed] behind the counter,” was the request that we recommend a good comedy. Now, comedy is subjective. What I find funny doesn’t always mean that someone else will find it funny. After getting fed up with all the refunds, I changed my tactics. This was a typical interaction.)

Customer: “Can you recommend a good comedy?”

Me: “Sure. Do you like musical comedies?”

Customer: “Sure.”

Me: “Then rent A Clockwork Orange. It’s a musical comedy, with some great themes, and a lot of slapstick.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

(Cut to usually an hour or two later…)

Customer: *returning movie with a look of horror* “What is WRONG with you?”

Me: “What? I laugh every time I watch it!”

(They usually leave me alone after that.)

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Choose The Flip, Or The Other Four-Letter Word

| Hamilton, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(My 4H club (a youth organization) and I have all gone out to eat after a long day of showing at our local fair. One member, a five-year-old, decides she’s suddenly got something important to share…)

Five-Year-Old: *at the top of her lungs* “Look, everybody! Look what I can do!” *flips off everyone*

(Cue hysterical laughter from the advisor, and the mother of the five-year-old is shocked speechless.)

Me: “That’s, uh… Let’s not do that… ”

Five-Year-Old: *disappointed* “Oh… Why?”

Me: “That’s something grown-ups do when they’re really mad and it’s not nice.”

Five-Year-Old: *realization* “Oh, like ‘F*** you’?”

(The mother hides her face in her hands.)

Me: “Yes… Don’t say that either.”

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