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So No One Told You The Tour Was Gonna Be This Way

| UT, USA | Liars/Scammers, Strangers, Travel

(I work for a city park and we often find scammers posing as tour guides. I’ve heard some say ridiculous things, but this one takes the cake.)

Fake Tour Guide: “So, this is the fountain where they filmed the ‘Friends’ theme song…”

(This is a remote park in Utah and the “fountain” is literally a pond with stones around it.)

Me: “Excuse me—”

(Before I can say anything, a woman in the tour group runs up and starts collecting stones and putting them in her purse.)

Woman: “I can’t believe Jennifer Aniston touched these stones! I’m going to be rich!”

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A Cancer On Society

| MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Popular, Strangers

(I’m 23 and look fairly young. After a doctor’s appointment I get on the train home, and after making sure there’s no one getting on who needs them more than me, I sit down in the accessible seats — the seats reserved for disabled riders.)

Man: *looks at me and shakes his head* “That’s just not right.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Man: “You have no right to be sitting there. You’re just young and lazy, and you’re taking those seats from someone who needs them. Get your a** up. Young people these days have no d*** respect. You need a reason to be seated in that area!”

Me: *bland look* “You mean, like cancer?”

Man: “Psh, yeah, right. What kind of cancer? Huh? You look healthy to me! Get up before I make you get up.”

(Since I just came from the doctor, I have my surgery, diagnostic, and recent check up reports on me. I pull them out and begin reading them to him.)

Me: “Diagnosis: Lymphoma; surgery report, 40 Cancerous nodes; surgery date, [just over two weeks ago]; radiation—”

Man: “With that attitude, it’s no wonder you got it! I’m glad you got cancer the way you act!”

Man’s Friend: *smacks him on the head* “What the h*** is wrong with you?! SHUT UP! Miss, I’m sorry about him. I hope you feel better soon.”

(He dragged his still-complaining friend away. The kicker? My public transit card hung around my neck and had “DISABILITY” clearly labeled on it, and I was still wearing my hospital wrist band, with ONCOLOGY in bold black letters. Hopefully he learned not to judge a young person just because they “look healthy.”)

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Wicked Babysitter Of The West

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Family & Kids, Roommates

(The roommate and I are out in the backyard with the dogs. Our neighbor’s five-year-old son is romping with them, but after a little while he gets bored and starts to climb on his playhouse. His mom tells him to get down so he won’t topple the house over, which he does while she’s looking, but starts climbing up again as soon as she looks away.)

Me: “Hey, [Kid], you don’t want to do that. You’ll make it fall over on you and squish you, and you’re not wearing red shoes!”

Roommate: “I don’t think he knows that reference.”

Me: “Maybe not, but watch this. Hey, [Kid], what color are your shoes?”

Kid: “They’re blue, see? Blue shoes!”

Me: “Yep, blue shoes. Which means you can’t climb up on the playhouse anymore, because there’s a rule. If a house is going to fall over and squish you, then you have to be wearing red shoes. And you’re not. How about you play with the doggies instead?”

Kid: “Okay!” *goes back to romping with dogs*

Roommate: “Congratulations. You have a perfect grasp of five-year-old logic.”

Me: “Thanks, I think.”

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