Category: Awesome

Can’t Mask Your Embarrassment

| IN, USA | Awesome, Popular, Roommates

(My roommate and I are out shopping. We pull into the parking lot of a thrift store close to closing.)

Roommate: “All right, we’ve got twenty minutes to rob this place. I’ll take the front door, you take the back. Fake guns are in the trunk. And, go!”

Me: *playing along* “Do you have the ski masks back there, too?”

Roommate: “D*** it! I forgot the ski masks!”

Me: “Crap! How could you forget? Well, this was a wash. I guess we’ll have to try again next time…”

Roommate: “Wait! It’s a thrift store; they probably have some inside we can grab!”

Me: *laughing* “Not sure that would work; they’d have already seen our faces.”

(We go inside and start looking around. Roommate grabs something off a shelf and shows it to me.)

Roommate: “They don’t have any ski masks, but we could use this!”

Me: “I think I’d be too embarrassed to rob a store if I had to wear that…”

(It was a Ninja Turtle mask.)

Heavy Drinking, Light Job

| The Netherlands | Awesome, Bizarre/Silly, Musical Mayhem, Popular

(I work as a light technician at a music venue, and I have my share of stories about drunk people at those parties. This night in particular was quite mentionable since so many things happened. It’s a concert of a Dutch folk singer and the audience is mostly middle aged woman, some teens, and a couple of elders. After the concert there’s a disco and most people are pretty drunk at this point. I’m getting asked multiple times if I can change the song or get comments that they don’t like the songs that are played. In other words: they think I’m the DJ. Every time I try to explain I’m the light tech they reply with things like “Wait, a GIRL technician? Noooo!” or “I didn’t know the lights needed controlling.”  It’s getting later and most people start to go home. I put on the main lights and shutting of my station. A middle aged woman comes up to me and pouts like a little child.)

Woman: “I’m very sad. The night is over and we have to go home now. It makes me sad.”

Me: “Well, you can’t have everything in life, I guess. And we want to go home, too, you know.”

Woman: “Oh, I really understand that! But I miss the times when parties like this go on until six am, you know? *starts a whole story about the ‘good old days* “…and look at those young folk going home already! I’m double their age and I still drink them under the table! HA!”

(She finally stops talking and by this time I’m done closing up my station and the other staff has already begun sweeping the floor etc.)

Woman: “I can’t believe you put up with me. Here I am, drunk as a trucker, and I keep on babbling to you sober, hardworking people. You must think I’m very annoying right now.”

Me: “Ma’am, despite the fact you are indeed drunk, you’re polite and haven’t assaulted me yet. Believe me; you are not as annoying as you think you are! I’ve seen waaay worse.”

Woman: *holds up her glass* “Cheers!” *she wobbles away*

(Sometimes you do meet fun people in this job.)

Public Embarrassment

| OK, USA | Awesome, Criminal/Illegal, Popular

(Years ago, my wife and I were sued for a significant sum. We messed up some things, they messed up some things, and the whole matter was dropped. We had one hearing with a judge. Frankly, the guy was a… jerk. Not long after, I was telling about the hearing to a friend of ours who helped people with legal problems “fighting the system.”)

Me: “Do you know Judge [Name]? We had a hearing with him recently. When we got there, the lights were off in the court and after hunting around around we found his office and his secretary told us that the hearing was in the judge’s office.”

Friend: “Oh, yeah, that’s his standard procedure.”

Me: “But aren’t these hearings supposed to be public?”

Friend: “Yes, they are. You’re going to love this. I had a hearing with him and got the same thing. I told him that this hearing was supposed to be public. He said to me ‘this IS public.’ I said, ‘you mean this office?’ He said yes and we continued the hearing. After it was over and I was leaving, I thought “heyyy! wait a minute!” and I headed back to his office. I went past his secretary who tried to stop me. When I got in there he tried to throw me out of the next hearing. I told him that he had just said that this office was public. He was furious. I stayed a little while, then left.”

(Having a crazy friend is fun sometimes. The same friend once stopped a cop car for having a broken light, and another time managed to get the county sheriff’s office come down on a major bank because they refused a warrant of payment. In that case, the were trying to follow their own internal rules instead of the law and in the process committed a crime. Oh, and as for the judge, he was off the bench not long after the incidents.)

Genie-us Comment

| UT, USA | Awesome, Family & Kids, Popular

(I’m at The Nutcracker with two friends and their daughter. There are a lot of small children in the audience for obvious reasons. During the second act, dancers representing different “nationalities” perform for the main character. As the Arabian dance starts, a very little girl behind me screams at the man wearing a turban and “traditional” clothing.)

Child: “Mommy! It’s the genie!”

(Whoever mommy is, hats off to her for raising an imaginative daughter. Every adult around her had a good laugh, though.)

Not Feline This Weirdness

| Canada | Awesome, Bizarre/Silly, Popular

(I am 12. My family goes on a cross-country road trip. We stay with friends and family instead of in hotels. We arrive at one place, and I and my stepsister (who is also 12) get out of the car. The woman we are staying with comes over to greet us.)

Woman: “Look at you! I just want to knock your heads together like two cats!”

(Which she did. Very gently. No, she didn’t have any cats, but she did let us drive her ride-on mower.)

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