Category: Backhanded Compliments

They’re Not Trolling You

| OR, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Health & Body, Popular

(My twin sister has a friend who has Asperger’s. We all went through school together until he was put into a special program in high school and my sister lost touch with him. They’ve recently reconnected, and he’s exactly as we both remembered. He has come to pick her up to hang out. About a month and a half ago, I had dyed my hair silver and purple. The silver has faded and the purple has bled down and started to fade to blue.)

Friend: “Your sister’s hair reminds me of a troll.”

Sister: “What?!”

Friend: “Or that she just didn’t get a very good dye job.”

Sister: “[Friend]! That’s rude!”

Friend: “Oh.” *turns to me and shrugs* “Sorry.”

Me: “It’s fine. It was dyed almost two months ago, so I know it doesn’t look that great.”

Friend: “Oh, that’s why it looks so bad.”

Sister: *sighs*

(They left, and I went about my day, more amused than anything. I knew he wasn’t trying to be mean, and quite frankly my hair didn’t look as great as it did when I first got it dyed. I just hoped he meant that I looked like a troll doll with the color of my hair and not ugly.)

The Train Schedule For Neverland

| USA | Backhanded Compliments, Books & Reading, Popular, Roommates

(I have just come up with a new book idea and am telling my roommate about it. Note that she voluntarily edits my books.)

Me: “So, I started writing down all the things I have to research for the book. Economy, train lines, which stations would have stationmasters, what percentage of people in that area were immigrants, what sort of seniority and training a stationmaster would need, how inappropriate it would be for a 16-year-old girl to travel unaccompanied, what sort of employment she would have…”

Roommate: “You know, this is totally different from anything I’ve read of yours. Historical fiction, mystery, realistic.”

Me: “Excuse me, are you saying my books aren’t realistic?”

Roommate: “You write about swan maidens and fairy godmothers.”

Me: “Touché.”

Your Friend Is Way Out Of Disorder

| Swindon, Wales, UK | Backhanded Compliments, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m in recovery from a very serious eating disorder where I’ve not eaten more than 100 calories a day for months. Because I’m still curvy, people regularly don’t believe there was anything wrong with me. My friends, however, all know what I’m been going through. This is my first time out at an eating establishment since recovery.)

Me: “I’m kinda nervous about this. I mean, what if I forgot how to drink coffee?”

Friend: “You never forget. It’s just like falling off a log.”

Me: *reaches for a sugar cube to put in the coffee*

Friend: “Um, I thought you didn’t want to be fat? Skip the sugar.”

(Yeah, thanks. Two months of therapy down the plughole.)

It’s Like You Mead My Mind

| Bloomfield, NJ, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Holidays, Popular

(I’m at a friend’s house for their New Year’s party. I’m pretty broke, but I felt I should have Christmas present for everyone, so I’ve brought along a dozen bottles of homebrewed mead and apfelwein.)

Me: “Okay, everyone. I went with the cheapskate present route this year. Pick a bottle and that’s your present. They’re labelled; take whatever you want. Except you, [Friend].”

Friend: “Why?”

Me: “I’ve got a specific one for you.”

(I pull out a bottle of one of my more experimental brews.)

Me: “This is for you, because it’s as black as your soul and drinking it can leave a bad taste in your mouth.”

(Everyone else starts laughing.)

Friend: “You know me so well. Thanks.”

Hearing The Little Invoices In Your Head

| The Netherlands | Backhanded Compliments, Money, Popular

(I’ve been struggling with some personal issues and as a result my studies aren’t going so well, so I make an appointment with the study advisor. Afterwards, I’m telling my friend about the appointment.)

Me: “It was really nice to be able to talk to someone and feel like my feelings are valid, you know?”

Friend: “Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, of course we are always here for you to talk to as well, but it’s nice to have a professional.”

Me: “Of course I know you wanna help me, but sometimes it’s really nice to talk to someone who gets paid for it.”

Friend: “Well, you have my bank account number…”

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