Category: Backhanded Compliments

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They Scored Straight DN’A’s

| London, England, UK | Backhanded Compliments, Family & Kids, Gatherings, Popular

(A group of us are eating together. While none of us were born in China, we are all ethnically Chinese. Everything said at the table is in jest and we are by no means racist.)

Friend #1: “Did anyone see that video online the other day? About the DNA tests?”

Friend #2: “The one where it tells you how mixed everyone really is?”

Friend #3: “Yes! There was this one guy and he was all ‘I’m 100% British!’ and it turned out he was like, a quarter German!”

Friend #1: “I think I should take that test. I mean I know I am Chinese, but it would be very interesting to see what else my DNA tells me.”

(Friend #1’s sister chimes in.)

Friend #1’s Sister: “Oh, how much do they cost?”

Friend #1: “£79.99.”

Friend #1’s Sister: “So much! Just take the test and let me know the results. What applies to you will apply to me.”

Friend #2: “That’s so cheap!”

Friend #3: “Yeah, I don’t think you need that test [Friend #1’s Sister]. If you’re that cheap, you’re definitely 100% Chinese!”

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Walk A Mile In A Clown’s Shoes

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Gatherings

Me: “Sometimes, I feel like I need to mug a clown to in order to find shoes that fit. On a completely unrelated note: [Friend #1], are you planning to come to Atlanta anytime soon?”

Friend #1: “I think EVERY clown should be mugged on principle, but yeah, I tend to buy my size 13s based not on style, but on seeing them for cheap.”

Friend #2: *who happens to be a clown* “I’ll be standing at the foot of your bed tonight, [Friend #1].”

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Probably Is Probable

| Seattle, WA, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Bizarre/Silly

(I’m hanging out with a coworker I’m friends with for the first time. She’s driving me, and has to stop for gas.)

Friend: “I’ll roll down your window, so…”

Me: “So I’m not dying?”

Friend: “So you’re not alone in a dank car that you’ve probably never been in before.”

Me: “Probably?”

Friend: “Well, I mean, I don’t know your life.”

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The Joke That Screws With Us All

| MO, USA | Backhanded Compliments

(My friend has a phone case that screws on.)

Friend: “The screws here have gone missing.”

Me: “Well, then, I guess you’re ‘screwed.'”

Friend: *clearly trying not to crack a smile* “Shut up!”

Me: “I believe the term you are looking for is ‘screw you.'”

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One Dad Joke Deserves Another

| USA | Backhanded Compliments, Language & Words, Popular

(My best friend, who is one quarter Korean, and I are chatting online when conversation moves on to his girlfriend. Note that I am, and always have been, female.)

Friend: “She even made me Korean for dinner for our anniversary.”

Me: “I thought you already were Korean.”

Friend: “Are you sure you’re a woman? Because I’m pretty sure dad jokes are for dads.”