Category: Books & Reading

Diverging Hungers Of Twilight Awakens

| USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(My friend really enjoys the books & films of the Twilight, Divergent, & Hunger Games series. I on the other hand prefer Star Wars, which she has never seen but she still hates it. After “The Force Awakens” came out she overheard me talking about it with one of our Sunday School students.)

Friend: “Seriously? Another Star Wars movie? Aren’t they done yet? How many books ARE there?”

Me: “Um, [Friend]… the movies came out first. They aren’t based on books.”

(She just groaned and face-planted on the table like the world was ending. The student got a good chuckle from watching that exchange. We do get along well, though, ‘cause we both like “Lord of the Rings.”)

Life Is Stranger Than Stolen Fiction

| Denmark | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Strangers, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

(I’m sitting on a bench at a bus stop, waiting for the bus. I am reading a book when more people arrive and start waiting as well. A lady sits next to me and gradually gets more and more interested in my book. She even begins so read over my shoulder. I’m a little annoyed but ignore her. She even goes as far as sighing heavily and tapping her foot, when I’m reading too slowly and she wants me to turn the page. I get pretty self conscious about how fast I read and in the end get fed up with it. I then close the book and make a move to put it in my bag, when the lady suddenly placed her hand gently on my arm.)

Lady: “Excuse me, but could I please see that?”

Me: “Oh? Okay.”

(I agree to show her my book, thinking that she just wanted to write down the title, but the lady quickly snatches my book and stuffs it in her big purse. Stunned of what has just happened, I freeze up and the lady acts as if nothing happened. Everybody else just looks shocked. I quickly gain my thoughts and begin to talk the lady into giving me my book back.)

Me: “Um? Could I have my book back?”

Lady: “No. I need it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that book is mine. I can tell you where to buy it if you want… or show you where the library is?”

Lady: “No. This is easier.”

Me: “I own that book! You can’t just steal it.”

(I reach for my book, which is still sticking out a little bit from her purse, but she quickly pulls it away and stands up.)

Lady: “NO! IT’S MINE!”

(I stand too and people around us tell her to return the book.)

Lady: “SHUT UP! IT’S MINE! IT’S MIIINE!”

(She lifts her arm to swing at me, only to be stopped by one of the men around us. She continues to scream and kick until police arrives.)

Lady: “THAT B**** TRIES TO STEAL MY STUFF! ARREST THAT WHORE!”

(Everybody else backed my story up and the lady tried to attack the police when they asked her to return my book. She got cuffed and still screamed at me from the back of the police car. And I got my book back! It had a happy ending as well.)

Nefertiti The Scribe

| Long Island, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, History, Popular

(I am at the laundromat, reading a book while waiting for my clothes to finish. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Oh! What are you reading?”

Me: “It’s about the history of ancient Egypt.”

Customer: “Oooh, is it an autobiography?”

The Train Schedule For Neverland

| USA | Backhanded Compliments, Books & Reading, Popular, Roommates

(I have just come up with a new book idea and am telling my roommate about it. Note that she voluntarily edits my books.)

Me: “So, I started writing down all the things I have to research for the book. Economy, train lines, which stations would have stationmasters, what percentage of people in that area were immigrants, what sort of seniority and training a stationmaster would need, how inappropriate it would be for a 16-year-old girl to travel unaccompanied, what sort of employment she would have…”

Roommate: “You know, this is totally different from anything I’ve read of yours. Historical fiction, mystery, realistic.”

Me: “Excuse me, are you saying my books aren’t realistic?”

Roommate: “You write about swan maidens and fairy godmothers.”

Me: “Touché.”

Definitely A Slytherin

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Popular

(I’m on the way to visit my dad on the mainland, which due to the bus system requires me to stay overnight in Vancouver. My mom has arranged for me to stay with a friend of hers, and I end up going with one of her daughters to see a movie at her friend’s house. This conversation takes place on the air-train, shortly after the sixth Harry Potter book has been released.)

Daughter: “You know, one time I saw someone reading Chamber of Secrets on the train.”

Me: “Oh?”

Daughter: “Yeah, so I asked him if he’d read the sixth one yet, and he told me he was reading through them for the first time. So, I told him ‘[Universally Beloved Character] DIES!’ And then I got off at the next stop!” *laughing*

Me: *speechless and staring in absolute horror*

(I never spoke to her again…)

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