Category: Books & Reading

Nefertiti The Scribe

| Long Island, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, History, Popular

(I am at the laundromat, reading a book while waiting for my clothes to finish. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Oh! What are you reading?”

Me: “It’s about the history of ancient Egypt.”

Customer: “Oooh, is it an autobiography?”

The Train Schedule For Neverland

| USA | Backhanded Compliments, Books & Reading, Popular, Roommates

(I have just come up with a new book idea and am telling my roommate about it. Note that she voluntarily edits my books.)

Me: “So, I started writing down all the things I have to research for the book. Economy, train lines, which stations would have stationmasters, what percentage of people in that area were immigrants, what sort of seniority and training a stationmaster would need, how inappropriate it would be for a 16-year-old girl to travel unaccompanied, what sort of employment she would have…”

Roommate: “You know, this is totally different from anything I’ve read of yours. Historical fiction, mystery, realistic.”

Me: “Excuse me, are you saying my books aren’t realistic?”

Roommate: “You write about swan maidens and fairy godmothers.”

Me: “Touché.”

Definitely A Slytherin

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Popular

(I’m on the way to visit my dad on the mainland, which due to the bus system requires me to stay overnight in Vancouver. My mom has arranged for me to stay with a friend of hers, and I end up going with one of her daughters to see a movie at her friend’s house. This conversation takes place on the air-train, shortly after the sixth Harry Potter book has been released.)

Daughter: “You know, one time I saw someone reading Chamber of Secrets on the train.”

Me: “Oh?”

Daughter: “Yeah, so I asked him if he’d read the sixth one yet, and he told me he was reading through them for the first time. So, I told him ‘[Universally Beloved Character] DIES!’ And then I got off at the next stop!” *laughing*

Me: *speechless and staring in absolute horror*

(I never spoke to her again…)

Harry Potter And The Curse Of The Spoiler

| Indianapolis, IN, USE | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Popular

(I have just gotten the Harry Potter book series for Christmas and I pulled it out to read at a sleepover with my friend when one of them randomly starts talking about books.)

Friend #1: “So, I really like books with plot twists, like Agatha Christie novels, because it’s never something you expect.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, especially like in a lot of book series’, you KNOW what is going to happen.”

Friend #1: “Yeah, like in Harry Potter. You KNOW Harry is going to [huge spoiler] at the end of the series. Like, yeah, Rowling did throw in a couple of unexpected things like the death of [Characters], but other than that…”

Me: “Um, excuse me. Are you f****** kidding me?” *holds up book to show that I am a few chapters into the first Harry Potter book*

Friend #1: “F***!”

Let’s Skip 2016, Charlie Brown

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Books & Reading, Holidays, Popular

(It’s close to midnight on New Year’s Eve, and my friend is alone at a bar. Unfortunately, because it was short notice, I couldn’t make it out in time, so we’re currently texting each other.)

Me: “Wish you had told me sooner. I would have joined you.”

Friend: “Sorry, man. Last minute decision. I was sleeping. It’s been a s***** year. Maybe I can sleep through 2016, too. I’m feeling a bit Charlie Browinish.”

(He then sends me a picture from “Happy New Year, Charlie Brown” where Charlie was sitting outside by himself with a book.)

Me: “At least you’re not trying to read War and Peace.”

Friend: “Thank you for being the only person I know who would get that reference. Love you, man.”

Me: “Charlie Brown needs a Linus. Happy New Year, buddy.”

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