Category: Extra Stupid

How Ventriloquists Pee

| Singapore | Bizarre/Silly, Extra Stupid

(My company shares a one-stall toilet with the office next door. It is usually locked from the outside when not in use and each company has one key each. I’m inside the toilet when I hear the sound of someone trying to unlock the door outside.)

Me: “Hey!”

Neighbour: “Sorry.” *pause* “Are you in there?”

Me: “…”

Turning Your Nose Up At The Experience

| Wilmington, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

(My freshman year of high school I sat with a group of my friends during lunch. These friends, unlike me, were generally pretty rambunctious, but today, one of them took things to a whole new level.)

Me: “[Friend], what are you doing?”

Friend: “Crushing up some Cool Ranch Doritos.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Friend: “I’m gonna snort ’em.”

Me: “Hang on, what?”

Friend: “I’m gonna snort ’em!”

Me: “I very, very strongly advise against this course of action.”

Friend: “Nah, it’ll be fine.”

Me: “Your funeral.”

(My friend snorted the Doritos, and instantly regretted it when the spices hit. The kicker? Fifteen minutes and a fair amount of tears later, he began crushing up more Doritos for Round Two! Needless to say, I don’t sit with him anymore.)

Nefertiti The Scribe

| Long Island, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, History, Popular

(I am at the laundromat, reading a book while waiting for my clothes to finish. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Oh! What are you reading?”

Me: “It’s about the history of ancient Egypt.”

Customer: “Oooh, is it an autobiography?”

Required A Phoenix Down

| Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Health & Body, Popular

(I have multiple geeky (in a good way) friends. One day, one of those friends brings in two potions that he made by following recipes in a game. One of those recipes call for dead fish, and we named that one ‘the dead one.’ A bit after, he doesn’t come into school for three weeks, and we’re all worried about him. This is the conversation when he comes back.)

Me: “[Friend], why were you out for three weeks? You missed so much homework!”

Friend: “I drank ‘the dead one’…”

The Same (Har)Old Story

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Strangers

(The phone rings.)

Friend: “Hello?”

Stranger: “Lemme speak to Harold.”

Friend: “There’s nobody here by that name.”

(Phone rings again.)

Friend: “Hello?”

Stranger: “Harold?”

Friend: “There’s no Harold here. You have the wrong number.”

(Phone rings again.)

Friend: “Hello?”

Stranger: “Can I speak to Harold?”

Friend: “Listen to me: You have the wrong number.”

Stranger: “I do not have the wrong number! You keep answering the wrong d***ed phone!”

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