Category: Family & Kids

By Jeorge!

| San Mateo, CA, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Funny Names, Language & Words, Sports, Strangers

(We are watching our son’s baseball game. The couple in front of me turn to chat about some of the players.)

Wife: “Look! It’s George with a ‘J’!”

Husband: “George with a ‘J’?”

Wife: “Yes, I was keeping score the other day and it was written with a ‘J’!”

Me: “That’s… odd. Someone must have made a mistake; it’s George with a ‘G’.”

Wife: “Of course not! Stop imposing your white culture on him and his parents! What would you know about his name?”

Me: “I’m his father.”

Needs To Double Your Efforts In Math

| Geneva, Switzerland | Family & Kids, Math & Science

(I’m at the 12th birthday party of a friend with my six-year-old son.)

Friend: “Hey, how old is your son now?”

Me: “He’s six. It’s easy; he’s half the age of the birthday girl”.

Another Mum: “Yes, for this year only, she’s twice his age”.

Friend: “No, no, it’ll happen again! When she’s 24, he’ll be 12!”

Me: “Uh, nope, he’ll be 18! Maths is not your thing, I think!”

Get A Pizza Him!

| NC, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boyfriend told me this about going out to eat with his sister and nephews. The older child is only three. At the next table is another family with a boy about the same age; when they get their food, he gets upset.)

Other Boy: “I don’t want grilled cheese! I wanted pizza!”

Nephew: *whips around in his seat* “YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY ‘CAUSE THE PIZZA’S FOR ME!”

A Collegiate-Level Douchebag

, | Alphen, The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Schoolmates

Coworker: “I just had a kid coming to me and saying: ‘Ha, ha! I will be going to college later, so that I will get a better job than you guys!’”

(My coworker and I both had master grades from university. He is a qualified archeologist and I am a historian. Five years later, I still don’t have a job on my qualification level. Good luck, kid.)

All-Natural Restaurant

| Vienna, Austria | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am at a nice restaurant, meeting with friends, academics in their late 30s. They have brought their toddler as a surprise, constantly mentioning why I should be thankful for spending time with their special snowflake, on my one evening off from childcare. I step outside for a phone call, and upon my return am greeted by the sight and smell of them changing their son’s diaper on one of the chairs. At the table. In the middle of the restaurant. Surrounded by people trying to enjoy their dinner.)

Me: *entirely horrified* “How on earth could you consider this kind of behavior acceptable?!”

Friend: “The changing area in the restroom was wet. There was only a hand dryer and no paper towels. Besides, it’s completely natural!”

(I refuse to ever meet them in public again.)

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