Category: Geography

Take The Exit At Santa’s House

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Geography, Transportation

(We were driving back to NY from a conference in Philadelphia. I’m the driver.)

Me: “Oh, no! We got on the highway going north when we need to be going south.”

Friend: “Well, if we go north long enough we’ll eventually go south.”

Me: “Yeah, when we reach the North Pole. Remind me never to let you navigate.”

The Manila Express

| Geneva, Switzerland | Geography, Popular

(I’m messaging a new cleaning lady I haven’t met yet.)

Cleaning Lady: “Which bus do I take to get to you?”

Me: “Where are you coming from?”

Cleaning Lady: “The Philippines”

(That’s going to be a looooooong bus ride!)

Me No Speak Americano

| USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words, Popular

(My friend and I are watching a video on YouTube. At some point, the YouTuber says “We’re in Paris, but the Eiffel Tower is missing”.)

Friend: “He’s so dumb! Eiffel Tower is in France, not Paris!”

Me: “You’re dumb. Paris is a city in France.”

Friend: “It is? I thought it was the country at the bottom right of France.”

Me: “That’s Italy.”

Friend: “It is? I always thought it was in the top left of France.”

Me: “That’s the United Kingdom.”

Friend: “Oh, yeah, that country that stole our language.”

Me: “Dude, what’s our language?”

Friend: “English?”

Me: “…and the country named ‘England’ is in USA, or the UK?”

Friend: “…the UK. I’m stupid.”

Me: “Hey, at least you’re not one of the people that think our language is called ‘American.’”

My Father: “It isn’t?”

Big Problems

| Ireland/USA | Geography, Popular

(My friend is American and lives in Seattle. I’m Irish. Two conversations we have had are below:)

Conversation #1:

Me: “I’m coming to America and I’m going to visit you! I’ll be in New York on [Date] so which suits you better, before or after?”

Friend: “Erm, you know Seattle is nowhere near New York, right?”

Me: “Oh, I’ll fly! Don’t worry I’m not planning on taking a train!” *laughs* “I can just get an internal flight, right? What is it, an hour or two?”

Friend: “More like five or six.”

Me: “Bloody h***!”

(I flew overnight and slept on the plane.)

Conversation #2:

Friend: “We don’t know which family to go to for [Daughter]’s first Christmas. My family is in Wisconsin but [Husband] is from [Other State].”

Me: “Why don’t you spend Christmas Day with your family and then go to his on Stephen’s Day? We used to drive to visit family all the time the day after Christmas. Or better yet, stay at home and go visiting the few days after.”

Friend: “Um… America is big.”

Could Not ‘State’ It Any Clearer

| Rose Lake, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Popular, Transportation, Travel

(It is winter. I have newspaper route and while waiting for my papers, I run into a lady trying to get to a resort on the Idaho-Montana state line.)

Me: “Where are you trying to get to?”

Lady: “Lookout Pass.”

Me: “You need to go back eastbound to Montana about 50 miles.”

Lady: “I’m in Montana.”

Me: “No, you are in Rose Lake, Idaho.”

Lady: “No, I haven’t gone that far.”

Me: “Didn’t you see the ‘Welcome to Idaho’ sign? Or the Wallace, or Kellogg city signs?”

Lady: “No, there wasn’t any “Welcome to Idaho” sign and Wallace and Kellogg are in Montana.”

Me: “Do you know where you are now?”

Lady: “Yes, Rose Lake, Montana. Lady, you have no clue where you are nor do you have no clue on how to give directions.”

(At that point I just gave up and just left her.)

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