Category: Health & Body

Your Quip Has No Leg To Stand On

| AZ, USA | Health & Body

(My mother-in-law was talking about a man who by doctors’ opinions should have been dead twenty years earlier.)

Mother-In-Law: “His doctors said he wouldn’t live to see his children, but now he has grandkids. It’s amazing!”

Me: “Yeah, he should be dead but he’s still kickin'”

Mother-In-Law: “Well… not really.”

Husband: “Yeah, he doesn’t have any legs.”

(I burst out laughing from my choice of words.)

Me: “Well then, he’s still punching!”

Must REALLY Enjoy That Workout

CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue, Strangers

I want to preface this by saying that I love the gym I go to. Everyone there is always friendly without it being a “pick-up scene”, and no one hogs any of the weights/equipment, etc. However, there’s this one girl (and I suppose there might be a guy or girl like this at every gym) who comes in once in a while, and it just seems like she’s only there to try to get attention. Don’t get me wrong, she’s in great shape, etc. but when you (seemingly) intentionally make loud moaning noises for EVERY exercise or stretch you do, then look around to see if any of the guys working out noticed… yeah.

I usually just try to ignore her. But the other day as I was getting my weights set up for my next set, she walked in the door, took a drink from her water bottle, made a HUGE moan and immediately started swiveling her head around to see who noticed. I must have had a WTF look on my face, because she gives me this s***-eating grin and goes to start her workout. That convinced me that my original theory was right, unless she’s in possession of some pretty orgasmic water.

If You Have A Sudden Urge To Defeat The Huns, Please Consult Your Doctor

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Health & Body, LGBTQ, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

(My friend is transgender FTM and both of us are huge Disney nerds. I have a habit of making weird connections and having odd ideas.)

Me: *randomly gets excited* “I HAVE AN EXCELLENT IDEA!”

Friend: “This can’t be good.”

Me: “When you go in for your top or bottom or both surgery, we MUST play ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You.’”

Friend: “I actually love that idea.”

Will Sprain That Knee From Jumping To All Those Conclusions

, | Nassau County, NY, USA | Health & Body, Strangers

(My friend and I are waiting for the elevator in my dorm with a couple of athletic guys. It comes, and we get on, and I push the button for the second floor.)

Guy: *to his friend* “Oooh, looks like SOMEBODY is lazy.”

Me: “Actually, SOMEBODY just got off crutches for a nasty knee sprain yesterday, and SOMEBODY is under orders from her doctor to stay off it as much as possible and avoid stairs. But it does sound like SOMEBODY ELSE likes to jump to conclusions.”

Guy: “…Sorry.”

Try Some Spew-ghetti

, | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Dorms, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(One of my friends was at my residence house one night, very drunk, and puked on our porch. We poured water on it to wash it away, but all of the… well, chunks, remained. I am with two of my classmates and we are walking back to my residence house so that we can work on a project. One of my classmates stops the other one before we go inside.)

Classmate #1: “WAIT! You can’t come in unless you can guess what [My Name]’s friend had for dinner last night!”

Classmate #2: “Huh? How would I know—” *he looks down and sees the left over puke and immediately looks away* “EW! OH, MY GOD, LASAGNA!”

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