Category: History

Nefertiti The Scribe

| Long Island, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, History, Popular

(I am at the laundromat, reading a book while waiting for my clothes to finish. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Oh! What are you reading?”

Me: “It’s about the history of ancient Egypt.”

Customer: “Oooh, is it an autobiography?”

History Is Ganging Up On You

| PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, History, Popular

(In the 1800s, a secret society called the Molly Maguires was very active in our state, so even though nothing ever happened in our town, they are considered local history. One of my high school teachers is somewhat of an expert on them, so he comes in to talk to our AP U.S. History class about them. Unfortunately, I am sick that day and miss his presentation. My friend and I are texting each other a few days later.)

Me: “I just finished my DBQ,” *document-based question, an assignment from AP U.S. History* “so I’m finally done with everything that I missed while I was out.”

Friend: “That’s good! You did miss the Molly Maguires lecture Mr. [Teacher] gave, though.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s was disappointing. I was kind of looking forward to that. Was it good?”

Friend: “Yeah, it was. He really knew what he was talking about.”

Me: “That sounds cool. The fact that it’s local history makes it much more relatable, too.”

Friend: “I still can’t picture it as being local.”

Me: “Weird to think that all that stuff happened a few hours away.”

Friend: “Why didn’t anything happen in [Our Small, Rural Town] though? It’s been around for centuries, so how come there’s not much history?”


Friend: “I just realized I’m basically complaining about the lack of historical gang violence.”

Machine Machinations

| Victoria, BC, Canada | History, Movies & TV, Transportation

(I am having dinner with a friend and one of her other friends. We got off on a tangent, and he started talking about how he thought machines had feelings even until he was around 11.)

Friend: “This friend of my dad was telling me about these big machines he used at work, so I asked him how long he’d use them and he said ‘Oh, about three or four years, until they burn out.’ I thought it was so tragic!”

Me: “Imagine if Cars had come out when you were a kid!”

Friend: “…We DID have cars when I was a kid.”

Me: “No, I mean, the movie Cars. You know, Disney/Pixar?”

Friend: “Oh, yeah!” *laughs*

Me: “Right, because you’re so old you were born before the Industrial Revolution. That’s what I was saying…”

Makes A Meteoric Amount Of Sense

| Norfolk, England, UK | History, Movies & TV, Popular

(This is following when it was announced Tutankhamun’s knife was made from meteorite iron. I am at a friend’s with the TV on in the background as we’re setting up a game.)

TV Voice: “Stay on this channel, and find out the mystery of why Tutankhamun’s knife was made from meteorite.”

Friend: “It was made from meteorite because he was rich as f*** and already had access to all the f****** gold in Egypt! What’s the mystery?!”

Americannot Believe What I Am Hearing

, | Wenatchee, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Popular

(I’m a customer in this. I am with a friend of mine and a cousin of his from Alabama, who is visiting. We’re waiting in line to order our food at a local fast food restaurant and we overhear a couple of boys talking about Indian tribes. Now, to me and my friend, it is obvious that they are talking about Native Americans as they are clearly Native American. But the cousin….)

Cousin: “What part of India are you from?”

Customer #1 & #2: *blinks in confusion*

Friend: “You idiot, they’re Native Americans, not from India.”

Cousin: “What? No, they can’t be Native Americans. They went extinct thousands of years ago.”

Me: “Native Americans were here long before our Founding Father’s came to America, dude. And they still live here.”

Cousin: “But the Ice Age killed them.”

(We all stare at him before my friend smacks him upside the head and says:)

Friend: “You dumb-a**! Those were the cavemen you’re thinking about!” *turns to the other two customers* “I am SO sorry about my cousin’s idiocy. I hope he didn’t offend you.”

Customer #1: “No, we were just startled. Though, that is the first time I’ve heard that our people were extinct. I’m going to have to tell Dad about that one. He’ll get a kick out of it!”

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