Category: Holidays

Dawn Of The Bread

, | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Holidays, Popular

(I’m staying at the university halls of residence with one other man and three women. It’s coming up to Halloween and we’re all talking about what we should do for a party.)

Woman #1: “We should decorate. You can do those paper folding things.”

Me: “It’s called origami, and I could.”

Woman #2: “We should do jelly shots, and bobbing for apples.”

Woman #3: “What will you do, [Man]?”

Man: “Maybe raise the dead…”

(We all rolled our eyes as he’s always been a bit strange. Fast forward two weeks and I got an email from him, in between lectures. It was titled ‘Raising the dead.’ I was slightly worried as this was the first email he had ever sent to me, but when I opened it there is a video to download with the only words in the email saying “Our little secret.” The video was of our oven with a tray of cake mix and several miniature zombies and skeletons resting in it. The video was sped up so they quite literally rise in about half a minute. It was the most random thing I’ve ever received and it tickled me for the rest of the day. We’re still good friends, but he has yet to tell me why it had to be a secret, and why he only sent it to me.)

Allspark Almighty

| USA | Geeks Rule, Holidays, Popular

(This conversation takes place over IM, with a friend of mine who lives out of state. Note: my mother collects Nativity sets, while I, being a nerd, collect Transformers figures.)

Me: “We spent all day decorating the house for Christmas. We also counted up all my mom’s Nativity sets. She has at least eleven.”

Friend: “Wow, that’s a lot of Jesuses.”

Me: “Yeah… she said at one point that they should make a Transformers Nativity.”

Friend: “Haha… so who would be Jesus?”

Me: “Probably Rodimus Prime.” *sudden brainstorm* “Or Optimus Prime, seeing as he has experience dying and coming back to life.”

Become A Ho Ho Holy Ghost

| UT, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays, Popular

(My parents’ way of dealing with the stereotypical awkward child questions was to honestly answer any question asked on the assumption that if we asked the question, we were ready for the answer. If we didn’t ask the obvious follow up questions then clearer we weren’t ready for that step. As such we’ve never had the big reveals or such that media talks about. Sometime before I was born this practice resulted in the following conversation.)

Random Lady: “Oh, aren’t you adorable. Are you sending your letters to Santa Claus?”

(My then elementary school ages older brother looks up at her with a perplexed expression.)

Brother: “Santa Claus is dead.”

(The old lady was shocked to hear that coming from a little boy. My brother was just confused that an adult didn’t know about Saint Nicholas.)

Santasaurus

| CA, USA | Awesome, Holidays, Popular

(I have just gotten a teal scarf with dinosaurs wearing Santa hats on it.)

Friend: “[My Name], what the f*** is that scarf?”

Me: “It’s amazing, that’s what.”

Friend: “I want ten.”

It’s Like You Mead My Mind

| Bloomfield, NJ, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Holidays, Popular

(I’m at a friend’s house for their New Year’s party. I’m pretty broke, but I felt I should have Christmas present for everyone, so I’ve brought along a dozen bottles of homebrewed mead and apfelwein.)

Me: “Okay, everyone. I went with the cheapskate present route this year. Pick a bottle and that’s your present. They’re labelled; take whatever you want. Except you, [Friend].”

Friend: “Why?”

Me: “I’ve got a specific one for you.”

(I pull out a bottle of one of my more experimental brews.)

Me: “This is for you, because it’s as black as your soul and drinking it can leave a bad taste in your mouth.”

(Everyone else starts laughing.)

Friend: “You know me so well. Thanks.”

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