Category: Holidays


Allspark Almighty

| USA | Geeks Rule, Holidays

(This conversation takes place over IM, with a friend of mine who lives out of state. Note: my mother collects Nativity sets, while I, being a nerd, collect Transformers figures.)

Me: “We spent all day decorating the house for Christmas. We also counted up all my mom’s Nativity sets. She has at least eleven.”

Friend: “Wow, that’s a lot of Jesuses.”

Me: “Yeah… she said at one point that they should make a Transformers Nativity.”

Friend: “Haha… so who would be Jesus?”

Me: “Probably Rodimus Prime.” *sudden brainstorm* “Or Optimus Prime, seeing as he has experience dying and coming back to life.”


Become A Ho Ho Holy Ghost

| UT, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays, Popular

(My parents’ way of dealing with the stereotypical awkward child questions was to honestly answer any question asked on the assumption that if we asked the question, we were ready for the answer. If we didn’t ask the obvious follow up questions then clearer we weren’t ready for that step. As such we’ve never had the big reveals or such that media talks about. Sometime before I was born this practice resulted in the following conversation.)

Random Lady: “Oh, aren’t you adorable. Are you sending your letters to Santa Claus?”

(My then elementary school ages older brother looks up at her with a perplexed expression.)

Brother: “Santa Claus is dead.”

(The old lady was shocked to hear that coming from a little boy. My brother was just confused that an adult didn’t know about Saint Nicholas.)



| CA, USA | Awesome, Holidays, Popular

(I have just gotten a teal scarf with dinosaurs wearing Santa hats on it.)

Friend: “[My Name], what the f*** is that scarf?”

Me: “It’s amazing, that’s what.”

Friend: “I want ten.”


It’s Like You Mead My Mind

| Bloomfield, NJ, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Holidays, Popular

(I’m at a friend’s house for their New Year’s party. I’m pretty broke, but I felt I should have Christmas present for everyone, so I’ve brought along a dozen bottles of homebrewed mead and apfelwein.)

Me: “Okay, everyone. I went with the cheapskate present route this year. Pick a bottle and that’s your present. They’re labelled; take whatever you want. Except you, [Friend].”

Friend: “Why?”

Me: “I’ve got a specific one for you.”

(I pull out a bottle of one of my more experimental brews.)

Me: “This is for you, because it’s as black as your soul and drinking it can leave a bad taste in your mouth.”

(Everyone else starts laughing.)

Friend: “You know me so well. Thanks.”


The Elves Are Overwhelmed This Year

| TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Holidays, Popular

(My mother and I are in the toy section of a store known for particularly low prices, shopping for Christmas presents. We bump into a noteworthy fellow: he’s an older gentleman with a rather round figure and a bushy white beard. To top off the resemblance, he’s wearing a red sweater, and he’s pushing a cart full of toys. He looks at us. We look at his cart. He winks.)

Definitely Not Santa: “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

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