Category: Language & Words

Should Have Namaste’d Away

| San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

(I am browsing in a little Tibetan clothing and accessory store. It is a very small and quiet shop, since I am the only customer in there, so I can easily see an older white lady come in, and I can overhear the conversation.)

Lady: *bows to cashier, who is a young Tibetan man* “Namaste.”

Cashier: “Oh, thank you, but in Tibet we actually say tashi delek.”

Lady: “Well, I can read energies, so I know what I’m doing. Your energy is a bit murky; are you having trouble with a girl?”

Cashier: “Um… no?”

Lady: “Are you sure? No girlfriend or wife?”

Cashier: “No.”

Lady: “Well, I can read energies, so you must have trouble on the horizon. Namaste!”

(She then leaves without buying anything, and I burst out laughing.)

Me: “What was that?!”

Cashier: “Whatever it was, it was weird.”

By Jeorge!

| San Mateo, CA, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Funny Names, Language & Words, Sports, Strangers

(We are watching our son’s baseball game. The couple in front of me turn to chat about some of the players.)

Wife: “Look! It’s George with a ‘J’!”

Husband: “George with a ‘J’?”

Wife: “Yes, I was keeping score the other day and it was written with a ‘J’!”

Me: “That’s… odd. Someone must have made a mistake; it’s George with a ‘G’.”

Wife: “Of course not! Stop imposing your white culture on him and his parents! What would you know about his name?”

Me: “I’m his father.”

You Know You Are, But What Am I?

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Children, Language & Words

(One of my jobs is part time at a store that sells card games and board games. We get a lot of kids on certain nights for one card game. Anyway, it’s my day off, and my friends and I are going to a movie. I’m in line to get tickets and a kid that comes into our store pretty often (who is also a total brat) spies me and comes up to me. I am usually nice at the store and I’m trying to be nice now.)

Kid: “You’re a b****!”

Me: *caught off guard* “Excuse me?”

Kid: *smugly* “You’re a b****.”

Me: *smiling and trying to be kind, because I’m in a public place* “I know I am but what are you?”

(It takes a second but this confuses the kid.)

Kid: “Wait, no, it’s ‘I know you are but what am I?’”

Me: “That’s what I just said.”

(The kid screwed up his face and looked like he was trying to figure it out, but it was my turn to get tickets and I completely ignored him as my friends and I went into the theater. The next week the kid came into the store, froze when he saw me, and did not speak to me for the entire time he was in the store!)

Shall We Take This Into… The Kitchen?

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, LGBTQ

(I’m driving in the car with my friend. Our current topic of conversation is sexuality. It should be noted that my friend is gay.)

Friend: “So [Coworker] told me the other day that he’s pansexual.”

Me: “Oh, yeah? Cool. I didn’t know that.”

Friend: “Yeah. I’d actually never heard of that before.”

Me: “Really?”

Friend: “Yeah. So I didn’t know what he meant at first. I was like, does that mean you’re into pans or something?”

(We both shared a laugh at that. Ignorance can sometimes be very amusing.)

It Depends On What You Do With The Finger

| AR, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

(I have a friend who really is very bright, but she can be an airhead sometimes, and doesn’t always know the proper word for a situation. We are sitting and talking, when she begins to poke at my face. She’s clearly just messing with me, but she accidently gets close to my eye, so I just laugh.)

Me: “[Friend], I swear, if you put my eye out, I’m going to bite your finger off.”

Friend: “You can’t do that, [My Name]! That’d be bestiality!”

(I just stare at her with no expression on my face. She laughs and goes to do something, and when she turns back around, a couple of minutes later, I am still staring at her. I can see she realizes she said the wrong thing, and she’s trying to figure out what the correct word was.)

Friend: “That’s… the right word, isn’t it?”

Me: “No! [Friend], no! Just… no, no! [Friend]!”

Friend: “Then what is it?”

Me: “Cannibalism! Cannibalism!”

Friend: *laughs* “Well, it’s the same thing!”

Me: “Thank god you’re pretty.”

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