Category: Math & Science

Needs To Double Your Efforts In Math

| Geneva, Switzerland | Family & Kids, Math & Science

(I’m at the 12th birthday party of a friend with my six-year-old son.)

Friend: “Hey, how old is your son now?”

Me: “He’s six. It’s easy; he’s half the age of the birthday girl”.

Another Mum: “Yes, for this year only, she’s twice his age”.

Friend: “No, no, it’ll happen again! When she’s 24, he’ll be 12!”

Me: “Uh, nope, he’ll be 18! Maths is not your thing, I think!”

They Can Split The Atom But Not The Bill

| Chicago, IL, USA | Gatherings, Math & Science, Popular

(I am out to dinner with my boyfriend and one of his friends from college, both of whom were STEM majors. I briefly duck into the bathroom after dinner, and when I come back to the table, the two of them are engaged in what appears to be an intense conversation over the bill.)

Me: “What’s up, guys? Problem?”

Friend: *sheepishly* “The engineer and the astrophysicist are trying to do math.”

(Yep, the entire conversation was about calculating the tip.)

A Tale Of Fire And Ice

| USA | Geeks Rule, Math & Science, Popular

(We are talking about a particular green fire in a popular online game we all play together. Two of our group are science teachers in real life.)

Guildie #1: “Don’t stand in the fire.”

Guildie #2: “But what if I want to keep warm?”

Guildie #1: “It’s green. It’s not going to keep you warm.”

Me: “It’s just a chemical reaction.”

Science Teacher #1: “Ah, but do you know if it’s endothermic or exothermic?”

Guildie #2: “It’s exo, right?”

Science Teacher #1: “Right, fire is exothermic. Ice packs are an example of endothermic.”

Guildie #1:You’re endo.”

Science Teacher #2: “That’s cold.”

Be VERY Careful Typing That Into Google

| AZ, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Popular, Strangers

(I am in the middle of a cross-country road trip in my RV, and have been stopping at places with free WiFi in the evenings to take an online continuing education course while I do so. I’ve been sitting in an armchair with my laptop and headphones for about 45 minutes when I notice that a guy about my age is trying to get my attention. I ignore him for a while but he’s distractingly insistent.)

Me: *takes off headphones* “Yes?”

Guy: “Hey, what’re you looking at there?”

Me: *turns laptop around so he can see the screen* “A swollen ferret vulva.”

Guy: “Ew, what the h***?”

Me: “I’m a vet. It’s for science.” *puts headphones back on and goes back to ignoring him*

(The guy left immediately afterwards. Never try to chat up a veterinarian unless you have a strong stomach!)

Science Is A Greasy, Slippery Slope

| ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Popular

(I’m griping about dieting – again – to a friend.)

Me: “There needs to be deep-fried diet stuff. Delicious, deep-fried stuff that also helps you lose weight. I should invent that. Like, deep-fried celery.”

Friend: “That’s actually not a bad idea. Is there any way to replicate the deep-fried texture and taste without the grease and trans fat?”

Me: “I don’t know, but I am fully prepared to taste test everything against a bacon cheeseburger control variable. For science.”

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