Category: Movies & TV

If You Have A Sudden Urge To Defeat The Huns, Please Consult Your Doctor

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Health & Body, LGBTQ, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

(My friend is transgender FTM and both of us are huge Disney nerds. I have a habit of making weird connections and having odd ideas.)

Me: *randomly gets excited* “I HAVE AN EXCELLENT IDEA!”

Friend: “This can’t be good.”

Me: “When you go in for your top or bottom or both surgery, we MUST play ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You.’”

Friend: “I actually love that idea.”

Diverging Hungers Of Twilight Awakens

| USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(My friend really enjoys the books & films of the Twilight, Divergent, & Hunger Games series. I on the other hand prefer Star Wars, which she has never seen but she still hates it. After “The Force Awakens” came out she overheard me talking about it with one of our Sunday School students.)

Friend: “Seriously? Another Star Wars movie? Aren’t they done yet? How many books ARE there?”

Me: “Um, [Friend]… the movies came out first. They aren’t based on books.”

(She just groaned and face-planted on the table like the world was ending. The student got a good chuckle from watching that exchange. We do get along well, though, ‘cause we both like “Lord of the Rings.”)

No One Changes The Subjects As Much As Gaston!

| Norway | Geeks Rule, LGBTQ, Movies & TV

(My best friend [BFF] has recently moved in with her boyfriend [BF], and I’m at their place along with BFF’s twin sister [Friend #1], [BF]’s twin sister [Friend #2] and her husband [Friend #3], and [BF]’s older brother [Friend #4]. We’ve been watching a movie, and are now talking about how a certain Disney movie will feature a gay character.)

Friend #3: “Ironically, the actor playing Gaston is actually gay.”

Friend #2: “Who’s playing Gaston?”

Me: “Luke Evans. He’s the guy in The Hobbit who looked more like Orlando Bloom than Orlando Bloom did in The Hobbit.”

Friend #4: “That was the guy who was the father, right? Oh, he was like a real-life Orlando Bloom!”

BFF: “Wait, Orlando Bloom is a father?”

Me: “Yeah, he has a kid with that model, Miranda Kerr, I think?”

Friend #1: “I thought he was dating Katy Perry? He’s just like her ex, by the way.”

Me: “Did you just compare Orlando Bloom to Russell Brand?”

Friend #2: “Who’s that?”

Me: “British comedian; he was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.”

Friend #3: “Oh, yeah, that guy. Yeah, I don’t see the similarities either. Well, maybe the hair, but not personality-wise.”

Me: “Funnily enough, I think he too has a kid now.”

BF: “I’m confused; how did we get from watching Yes Man to Russell Brand having a kid?”

Painful Punful

| USA | Movies & TV, Pun

(I enjoy tea and frequently bring some with me to school in an insulated water bottle. On one occasion, I heat the water to boiling before pouring it into my bottle. On the bus, I don’t realize that the lid to my bottle isn’t all the way on. When I set my backpack beside me, some spills out, soaking into my sweatpants and pressing boiling water against my skin, causing a small burn on my thigh. When I get to school, I tell my friend about it. Note that I am a huge Sherlock fan while she hasn’t seen it.)

Me: “I just realized.”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “You know Moriarty from Sherlock?”

Friend: “Not… really?”

(I pull up a picture of him with his signature quote, “I will BURN you! I will burn the HEART out of you!”)

Friend: “So?”

Me: “You know the burn on my thigh?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “I MADE MORIAR-TEA!”

Friend: “Get a Tumblr account! That’s perfect!”

Trash-Talking Trash TV

| UT, USA | Movies & TV

(I’m at the park along with some other moms from the neighborhood and our kids. I’m sitting across from two moms who are friends. They’re talking about something that happened the night before, and one of them tries to include me in the conversation.)

Friend: “Do you watch ‘The Bachelor’?”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Friend: “Good. I watch enough trash tv for all of us.”

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