Attacking Very Ladylike

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Popular, Strangers

(My elderly grandmother lives alone with her cat, Little Girl. One day, while working in her garden, a strange pickup truck drives up. A large middle-aged man gets out.)

Man: “Who lives in that house next door?”

Grandmother: “I don’t know ’em.”

Man: “Well, what’s their phone number?”

Grandmother: “I don’t know their number. They keep to themselves, and I keep to myself.”

Man: “You know their number! Now tell me what it is!”

(The man proceeds to yell profanities at my grandmother, getting louder and more aggressive in his demands for information about the neighbors. As he screams, Little Girl gets between the man and my grandmother and starts growling and hissing.)

Man: “What’s wrong with that [expletive] cat?”

Grandmother: “Mister, that there’s an attack cat. All I gotta say is one word and she’ll rip your face off.”

Little Girl The Cat: *growls louder and takes a few steps closer to the strange man, tail swishing aggressively*

(The man looked from the angry cat to my old grandmother, turned around, and jumped back into his truck. He took off out of the driveway so fast his tires squealed. Though Little Girl passed away some years ago, my grandmother still tells the story of her “attack cat” that defended her from an unwelcome visitor.)

In Keeping With Your Character

| Tokyo, Japan | Games, Geeks Rule, Popular

(I used to have a character in a now-defunct superhero MMO who wore a school uniform to fight crime because of lack of money and ability to shape-change to maintain secret ID. This character was popular with one of my friends.)

Friend: “Hey, why don’t you make a sexy version of [Character]’s costume?”

Me: “Because it’s not something that she’d do.”

Friend: “Come on, it will be great. They just released mini-skirts and midriff baring shirts. Go for it.”

Me: “I have some characters that might dress that way, but [Character] doesn’t really think about looking sexy. That’s part of the joke of having her built like she is and talk like a Valley girl.”

Friend: “Well, just think about it, okay?”

(Later on, I was designing a new outfit for the character and, on a whim, decided to go ahead and add the mini-skirt and too-tiny shirt as requested by my friend.)

Me: “So, I gave her a sexy-style school uniform.”

Friend: “Finally! Can you send me a screen-shot?”

Me: “Sure.” *sends screenshot*

Friend: “Is she wearing chain-mail under the school uniform?”

Me: “Plate and chain, I think, but yeah. I figure I’ll use that costume for when she’s fighting something really nasty.”

Friend: “So she’s still not showing any skin?”

Me: “Nope. I told you, she does everything for practical reasons. I’m thinking that the school uniform is only there because after so long acting in it public perception ties it to her and that means a lot of her magic is tied up in wearing a school uniform.”

Friend: “You just trolled me, didn’t you?”

Me: “Oh, yeah, but hey, gave me a new idea to develop the character.”

Best Not Take That Tone

| Manchester, England, UK | Popular, Strangers, Technology

(I am at the gym, walking down the long corridor to the changing rooms, with a random lady about the same age as me walking a few feet behind me, when my mobile phone in my handbag receives an email. A Minion shouts ‘oh, hello’ and giggles.)

Random Lady: *a few seconds later* “Did your handbag just talk to you?”

Me: “Oh, yes, it does that all the time!”

(Pause.)

Random Lady: *very seriously* “How do you get it to do that?!”

Me: “Erm, it’s my mobile ringtone?”

Random Lady: *sounding totally enlightened* “Ohhh!”

Me: *mental face-palm*

Playing It Safe

| FL, USA | Best Friends, Games, Gatherings, Popular

All of my friends and I are in AP/AICE programs. For my birthday, ten of us go do a big bank-heist-themed escape room — locked in a room that you have to solve puzzles to get out of.

We often find solutions and then find the clues five minutes after we have already solved them, but for some reason, it takes us fifteen minutes to get the safe open at the very end of the game.

We all refuse to call for a clue, but try everything we can for the safe. Along the TV screen-timer comes the message: “Send the boss lady forward.”

All my friends argue about this while I step up. We had mentioned it was my birthday so we safely assume they mean me. We are given the correct combo and yet still can not open the stupid safe.

We are turning the handle the wrong way.

When we finally got out, the lady running our room asked us what the big deal was. I shrugged and said, “We overcomplicated it.”

They said to us: “You guys moved so fast, it was unbelievable!”

My best friend explained that we pulled the honors thing where you move so fast on the hard part that when you get to the basic stuff, you get lost.

Can’t Mask Your Embarrassment

| IN, USA | Awesome, Popular, Roommates

(My roommate and I are out shopping. We pull into the parking lot of a thrift store close to closing.)

Roommate: “All right, we’ve got twenty minutes to rob this place. I’ll take the front door, you take the back. Fake guns are in the trunk. And, go!”

Me: *playing along* “Do you have the ski masks back there, too?”

Roommate: “D*** it! I forgot the ski masks!”

Me: “Crap! How could you forget? Well, this was a wash. I guess we’ll have to try again next time…”

Roommate: “Wait! It’s a thrift store; they probably have some inside we can grab!”

Me: *laughing* “Not sure that would work; they’d have already seen our faces.”

(We go inside and start looking around. Roommate grabs something off a shelf and shows it to me.)

Roommate: “They don’t have any ski masks, but we could use this!”

Me: “I think I’d be too embarrassed to rob a store if I had to wear that…”

(It was a Ninja Turtle mask.)

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