If The Shoe Fits (In)

| Carlsbad, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Popular

(I am chatting with a friend to whom I have not spoken in ages. The topic of my job comes up.)

Me: “Now if only [Name] would shut up about how I need to start wearing jeans to ‘fit in.’ Clearly they already like me. Why the h*** would I start going conformist?”

Friend: “That’s really controlling of her. Who the h*** cares what you wear?”

Me: “THANK YOU.”

Friend: “Next time she comments just pull her aside and ask what concern of hers is it what you wear as long as it conforms to the dress code?”

Me: “Uh… no. That won’t get her to go away. It’ll just get me a lecture about how they’re trying to help and I’m being rude.”

Friend: “Then ‘I’m good how I am’ should suffice.”

Me: “I’ve tried that before. It doesn’t work. They think because they’re older that they know better.”

Friend: “Meh. Just chalk her up as some busy body that needs an underling to feel complete and ignore it. A trend setter without a following.”

Me: “No, she cares WAAAAAAAAY too much about how other people think. Probably because she gets too judge-y of others and fails to comprehend that not everyone is like that.”

Friend: “Oh, well. Some coworkers.”

Me: “…[Name]’s not a coworker. She’s my step-mother.”

(I guess my friend and I needed to chat more often!)

They’re A Household Name

| CO, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular

(We live in a small town and every Tuesday our local pizza place has a special on calzones, so we always get our usual. One girl taking phone orders always remembers our names. She also knows the sound of our truck as it pulls up to the restaurant. This time our neighbor asks us to pick up his order as well. This happens as we pick up our order.)

Girl: “Oh, my gosh, you won’t believe this!”

Me: “What? What is it?”

Girl: “I had never known anyone with your name before because it’s so different and guess what? Someone else has your name in our small town! And they ordered a pizza tonight, of all nights! Isn’t that so weird?!”

Me: “Actually that’s our neighbor. He put it under our name so we could pick it up.”

Girl: “Oh.” *slightly sad* “Well that was fun while it lasted. And FYI I didn’t write your name on that box, just this one.” *all smiles again*

(She shows one box with the correct spelling of our name, the one she wrote, and then one that doesn’t even come close, that someone else did.)

Me: “Thank you. We’ll let you know if anyone else does in fact have the same name as us in the future.”

Saved Her From A Hairy Situation

| BC, Canada | Coworkers, Health & Body, Popular

(I work at a small B.C. grocery store. I have thick, curly red hair, and for most of my time at this company I’ve had my hair long. It’s very popular with our customers, and I frequently get compliments on it. I’ve just gotten my hair cut drastically short, and am surprised and how much everybody likes it. I’m ringing up an off-shift coworker when an annoying regular joins us.)

Regular: *interrupting our conversation* “[My Name]! You cut off all of your beautiful red hair!”

Me: “Yeah, it was time for a change.”

Regular: “But you had such beautiful hair!”

Coworker: “And she still does.”

Me: “Thank you, [Coworker]!”

(The regular didn’t know what to say and left. I went on a break.)

A Cookie Monster Always Pays His Debts

| USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Popular

(I am chatting over the Internet with a fellow fanfic writer that I am friends with.)

Me: “Hey, I’ve been having some trouble with this chapter. Can you look over it and make sure I have everyone in character?”

Friend: “Okay, just give me a moment. I need to stop crying first before I can read it.”

Me: “Oh, my gosh, is everything okay?”

Friend: “Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just that I’m writing a multi-chapter Game of Thrones/Sesame Street crossover fanfiction and I just killed Cookie Monster.”

Me: “…”

(I sincerely hope she actually finishes this one and posts it on the Internet because I get the feeling it’s something I really need to read.)

Time To Say Bye Bye Baby

| Vienna, Austria | Bad Behavior, Bizarre/Silly, Popular, Strangers

(I’m in an elevator leaving a subway station. Entering with me are an old man and a young woman, the latter with a baby stroller filled with shopping bags.)

Old Man: *leaning above the stroller* “Hey, sweet baby, look at me!”

Young Woman: *with suppressed laughter* “There is no baby.”

Old Man: *still face to face with nothing but plastic bags* “Why won’t he talk to me? He’s so quiet!”

Young Woman: *no longer amused* “That’s my shopping.”

(We exit the elevator, the old man still doesn’t want to let go of the imaginary baby and sets out to follow her. I start walking into the other direction until his tone changes and my conscience kicks in.)

Old Man: *angrily* “Did I scare him? Why doesn’t he answer when I talk to him?”

Me: *calling back towards them* “Hey, [Some Random Female Name], where are you going? Come on, hurry, our exit is over there.”

(She was very relieved to take the long way to the original destination.)