Spent Too Much Money In Army And Navy

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Popular, Strangers

(I’m in the Royal Canadian Navy, travelling on duty. I’m in ‘salt-and-peppers’ – white short-sleeved uniform shirt, black uniform trousers, peaked service cap with an anchor in the middle of the badge. This takes place in the waiting area by the gate.)

Little Boy: *looking at me for some time, then turns to his mother* “Mom, is he the pilot man?”

Mother: *looks up briefly then goes back to what she’s doing* “No, dear, he’s in the Army.”

Me: *to little boy* “In the Navy, actually. I’m a sailor.”

Mother: *to me, annoyed* “Army, Navy, it’s all the same!”

Rabbiting On About Smoke

| KS, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Popular

(I have recently moved and joined a local boy scout troop. It is the first morning of camping trip.)

Scout #1: “Hey, [My Name], do you hate little bunny rabbits?”

Me: “What?”

Scout #1: “You were talking in your sleep last night. You kept saying ‘I hate little bunny rabbits.'”

Me: “Ohhh. Yeah, in the town I moved from there’s a running joke that if you say ‘I hate little bunny rabbits’ three times that the campfire smoke won’t blow in your face.”

Scout #2: “Maybe I should try that. I’ve moved four times and it keeps following me. I hate little bunny rabbits. I hate little bunny rabbits. I hate little bunny rabbits.”

(The smoke doesn’t move.)

Scout #2: “Oh, well, you know what they say. Smoke follows beauty.”

(At that exact moment the smoke started blowing the opposite direction.)

Hooked On That Word

| USA | Language & Words, Popular, Rude & Risque

(My friends don’t speak English as a native language. Friend #1’s accent overpowers her intentions, and Friend #3 is a bit naive about phrases:)

Friend #1: “Hey, [Friend #3] just moved in. We need to get some hookers.”

Friend #2: “Why do you two girls need hookers? And just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I know where to get them!”

Friend #1: “Hookers. You know, to hook things!”

(Three years later, Friend #3 is going home.)

Friend #3: “Hey, [My Name], can you go out and find [Friend #1] some hookers?”

Me: “That’s not what you want, but I will be back.”

(When I get back:)

Me: “By the way these are command strips, or adhesive hooks. Don’t call them hookers.”

Friend #3: *loudly* “Hey, [My Name] got [Friend #1] some hookers.”

Friend #1: “Really, are they pretty?”

Friend #3: “No, this one is small and white.”

Friend #2: “I don’t even know what to say.”

A Colorful Friendship

| Charleston, SC, USA | Best Friends, Bizarre/Silly, Popular

(I had just finished boot camp, and am at my first training command. Home is a thousand miles away and only one person I know from boot is going to the same school as me. Needless to say, it is pretty lonely. I am sitting alone in the classroom when someone plops down at my table.)

Stranger: “This seat taken?”

Me: “No.”

Stranger: “You mind?”

Me: *shrug*

Stranger: “Hey, your name is White.”

Me: “What?”

Stranger: “Your last name is White. My last name is Green. We should be friends.”

Me: “Because our names are both colors?”

Stranger: “I’ve heard dumber reasons.”

(Nine years later, and she’s still one of my closest friends.)

Looks Are Relative

| NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Popular, Strangers

(I’m about thirteen and waiting in line with my eighteen year-old brother. The customer in front of us is purchasing something, but it costs more than what cash he had on him.)

Customer: “Aw, man, I guess I could put this on my card…” *he half-jokingly addresses the other customers* “Does anyone have two dollars?”

Brother: “Oh, I do, here!” *he hands the guy two dollars*

Customer: “Oh, wow, thank you so much, man. I really appreciate it!” *he looks at me* “A guy like that’s hard to come by. Hold onto him.”

(At this point it should be pointed out, that I’m a fair-skinned brunette with brown eyes, and my older brother has naturally tan skin with hazel eyes. I looked at him confused, but my brother quickly realized the customer thought I was his girlfriend.)

Brother: “Dude, she’s got no choice. She’s my sister.”

Customer: “Ohhh… Well, I feel like an a**-hole!”

(We all laughed and parted ways. My brother and I still tell that story when people point out that we don’t look related.)