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They Can Split The Atom But Not The Bill

| Chicago, IL, USA | Gatherings, Math & Science, Popular

(I am out to dinner with my boyfriend and one of his friends from college, both of whom were STEM majors. I briefly duck into the bathroom after dinner, and when I come back to the table, the two of them are engaged in what appears to be an intense conversation over the bill.)

Me: “What’s up, guys? Problem?”

Friend: *sheepishly* “The engineer and the astrophysicist are trying to do math.”

(Yep, the entire conversation was about calculating the tip.)

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Fandom Gone Rogue

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Geeks Rule, Popular

(This is a conversation between Friend #1, who is a Trekkie, and my husband and me, in the movie theater before ‘Rogue One’ begins…)

Friend #1: “Okay there are Trekkies, Browncoats, Whovians… What do you call Star Wars fans… Nerfherders?”

Husband: “Until you have a television serial and a bunch of rabid fans takes over the dorm TV room on a weekly basis and piss people off, you don’t get a named fandom.”

Friend #1: “Yeah, but how do they refer to themselves even?”

Me: *waves hand while looking intently at [Friend #1]* “Our fandom does not NEED a label. Move along.”

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Providing All Sorts Of Aid

| Austria | Coworkers, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m volunteering and badly cut a finger while hanging clothes. I go to the main office, and the first idle person I find is a psychologist I’ve never spoken with before. They are usually busy counseling people who fled from war zones.)

Me: “Hi! Sorry to bother you with trivial stuff, but do you happen to have a bandage?”

Psychologist: *jokingly* “Wonderful, something meaningful for me to do! I can finally apply my degree for the first time today!”

Me: “Yeah, this is obviously a cry for help. My sub-consciousness must have decided that I needed to hurt myself once my skin encountered the manic thrill of touching a coat hanger.”

Psychologist: “Perfect. A challenge. Attempted suicide by self-mutilation.”

(She hands me a bandage.)

Psychologist: “It’s nice to know that my full expertise can be applied to such a demanding case.”

Me: “Thank you for taming my bloodthirsty inner demon!”

(We joked some more, and once I went back to sorting clothes, I tried to be more careful than before. An hour later, however, I managed to cut myself again. Too scared to return to the office and risk making the psychologist worry for real, I worked the rest of the day stitched up with packing tape.)

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Needs More Train-ing

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses, Popular, Transportation

(I’ve made plans to go to a convention with my family. I have paid almost NO attention to details of the trip except for when we will go and how we will get there.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], I’m going on a train ride!”

Manager: “That’s great. Where are you going?”

Me: “I have no idea… but we’re going on a train! It’s gonna be fun!”

(After that, I sheepishly asked my mom where we were actually going. She got a kick out of the story with my manager.)

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Everyone Else Is From Mexico

| MA, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Popular

(I’m doing my grocery shopping while listening to music on headphones. I notice an old man on a scooter glaring at me and realize I’m singing along to the song softly but audibly. Thinking this is why he’s mad I stop but when I lower my headphones to apologize I catch the tail end of his comment. For the record, I’m white.)

Old Man: *mumble mumble* “…back to Mexico!”

Me: *laughing a little* “Excuse me?”

Old Man: “You heard me!”

Me: “Sir, I was singing in Swahili…”