The Real Boss Is The Four-Year-Old

| Norway | Family & Kids, Popular

(I’ve recently started working in a small theatre. Only me (in my twenties) and my boss (in his late thirties) are employed on a regular basis; everyone else is just hired for each project. One day my boss’ four-year-old daughter is there with us. I take care of her as her father goes to a different floor.)

Four-Year-Old: “Who’s the boss here, you or my dad?”

Me: “Your dad is my boss. He’s everyone’s boss here.”

Four-Year-Old: “No way! He can’t be the boss of [One of the Actors on a current project, in his fifties]! He is the boss of everything; he’s definitely my dad’s boss!”

(I told the actor what she had said and he was super pleased and said he’d always known the four-year-old was very smart.)

This Nurse Is Working Saturday Night Live

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Employees, Friendly, Health & Body, Movies & TV, Popular

(I had a recent appointment with my doctor. Inevitably one of the many nurses called my name. That day, there was a new nurse calling me.)

Nurse: “Mr. [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.” *I follow her into the office* “Has anyone ever told you that you look like S—“

Nurse: “Sarah Silverman?”

Me: “I guess they have.”

Nurse: “Every day. I hope it’s a compliment.”

Me: “It is.”

(While I don’t especially like Sarah Silverman, she and the new nurse are quite pretty. I wish I was younger.)

Didn’t Bless You With The Gift Of Knowledge

| USA | Bad Behavior, Popular

(I’m chatting with a friend via a social media IM.)

Me: “Huh, your birthday gift got returned to me. I wonder why?”

Friend: “Oh, I forgot to tell you I moved.”

Me: “Well, that would do it. Where’d you move to?”

Friend: “I moved in with my boyfriend three months ago.”

Me: “What boyfriend?!”

Friend: “The guy I met in school last year.”

Me: “Wait, you’re in school?”

Friend: “Yeah. I didn’t want to announce it to everyone so I just kept it quiet.”

Me: “Wait, okay, hang on. I’m actually a little hurt because I’ve specifically asked you SEVERAL TIMES what you’re doing, what’s new, what’s going on. And you never mentioned any of this.”

Friend: “I wasn’t comfortable telling everyone.”

Me: “Well, okay, but you could have at least told me your new address when I told you I was about to mail your gift out.”

Friend: “I just didn’t want to tell everyone!”

Me: “Well… okay, then. Guess I’m keeping your gift!”

The Mother Of All Emails

| Poolesville, MD, USA | Best Friends, Popular

(I had a fight with my mom the day before and my friend has offered to come home with me to yell at my mom. I almost let her.)

Friend: “Okay, time to be serious. How mad would you be if I emailed your mom?”

Me: “…”

Friend: “I set up a fake email and everything; I’m ready to go.”

Me: “Wait… you actually set up a fake email?”

Friend: “Yup!”

Wish He Would Pokémon Go Away

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Games, Pokemon, Popular

(I’m waiting in a salon for a hair appointment, idly playing a Pokémon game on my handheld. A boy of about ten or so who is waiting with his mother sees and immediately gets excited.)

Kid: “You have Pokémon! Do you want to trade?”

Me: “Haha, sure, if it’s okay with your mom.”

Woman: “Oh, as long as he isn’t bothering you, of course.”

(I open up my Pokémon to find something to trade. I’m not expecting to get anything good; I’m mostly just charmed by the kid’s enthusiasm and the experience, until…)

Kid: *leaning over my shoulder watching me scroll through my Pokémon* “Wow! You have a shiny [Rare Pokémon]! I want that one!”

Me: “That one’s not for trade. But all these—“

(Before I can say anything else, the kid begins screaming in my face. Like someone has flipped a switch, this ten-year-old turns red faced and howling at top volume, with tears streaming down his face, fists bunched angrily at his sides. It’s the sort of wild, hysterical tantrum you’d expect a toddler to throw.)

Woman: “Just give him the stupid thing!”

Me: “Lady, with all due respect, if this is how your kid reacts to being told he can’t have something in a VIDEO GAME, I’m not going to enable him.”

(The salon owner came over and told the woman she needed to control her kid or leave. I missed the resolution of it because I got called back for my hair appointment. As she was leaning me back into the basin to wash my hair for the cut, my stylist murmured, “I don’t know about you, but that made my uterus shrivel up.” You and me both, sister.)