Category: Roommates

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The Train Schedule For Neverland

| USA | Backhanded Compliments, Books & Reading, Popular, Roommates

(I have just come up with a new book idea and am telling my roommate about it. Note that she voluntarily edits my books.)

Me: “So, I started writing down all the things I have to research for the book. Economy, train lines, which stations would have stationmasters, what percentage of people in that area were immigrants, what sort of seniority and training a stationmaster would need, how inappropriate it would be for a 16-year-old girl to travel unaccompanied, what sort of employment she would have…”

Roommate: “You know, this is totally different from anything I’ve read of yours. Historical fiction, mystery, realistic.”

Me: “Excuse me, are you saying my books aren’t realistic?”

Roommate: “You write about swan maidens and fairy godmothers.”

Me: “Touché.”

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It Was All About The Benjamins

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Popular, Roommates

(I share a flat with three other students. One of my flat-mates is a history major, specialising in American history. One day she comes home incredibly excited because she bought herself a potted plant for her bedroom. I don’t think much about this for a few weeks until I walk into the kitchen, and she looks more morose than I have ever seen her.)

Me: “Hey, are you okay?”

Flat-Mate: “Oh, I’m fine. It’s nothing serious.”

Me: “What happened?!”

Flat-Mate: “Benjamin Franklin is dead, and it’s all my fault!”

Me: “…?”

(Turned out she named the plant.)

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Bed Wetter

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Roommates

(I return to my dorm room mid-morning to find my roommate and her boyfriend there. He looks exhausted.)

Roommate: “Oh, hey, [My Name], is it okay if [Boyfriend] sleeps in your bed? The sprinklers malfunctioned in his room and woke him up, and his bed is all wet.”

Me: “Erm – can’t he sleep in YOUR bed?”

Roommate: “I just washed all the blankets and he’s kinda wet still, see?”

Me: “No. Just… no. Sorry, [Boyfriend].”

(I had been planning to go to the library, but instead I crawled on to my bed to work to make sure she didn’t stick him in it as soon as I left!)

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Racial Teleprofiling

| USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Popular, Roommates

(My roommate isn’t Indian. We have been having trouble with scammers.)

Caller: *heavy Indian accent* “Hello, may I speak to [Roommate]?”

Me: “No, bye.” *hangs up*

(Later.)

Roommate: “Did you hang up on an another Indian guy earlier?”

Me: “Yes. They’re annoying.”

Roommate: “Unfortunately, that one wasn’t a telemarketer. He’s my uncle.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Roommate: “My dad’s sister married an Indian. That was him.”

Me: “Oh… oops. I’m so sorry. You never told me to expect him.”

Roommate: “It’s okay. Never expected it either. My first words were ‘Don’t scam me’ before he called me by my nickname and I realized his voice was familiar. I’m not that close to him, but my aunt has a sore throat today.”

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Totally Bugging Out

| USA | Popular, Roommates

(I have severe entomophobia: the fear of bugs. Consequently, I always stay indoors. One day, I am playing video games when something on the floor catches my eye. It is a roach crawling across the ground, one of those winged ones. It also is HUGE. I freak out and run to my bedroom.)

Me: *grabbing phone* “[Roommate], get back home quickly! Please!”

(My roommate hears my fear and is instantly concerned.)

Roommate: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *gibbering* “There a huge disgusting roach in the living room! Help!”

Roommate: “Oh, geez, is that all? Just throw a shoe at it. I thought there was a robber in the house or something.”

Me: “It’s huge! And it has wings!”

Roommate: “Fine, I’ll be there.”

(He comes home and I point out where the roach is. By this time, I’m sobbing like a crazy person and whimpering.)

Roommate: “Is that it?! Holy s***! It’s the biggest roach I’ve ever seen.”

Me: “Just kill it before I go crazy!”

(My roommate got a shoe and tried to smash it, but then the roach HISSED at him and flew around! I fainted and was woken by my roommate. He killed it but I insisted on calling an exterminator.)

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