Category: Roommates

Please Let It Be Alvin…

| GA, USA | Pets & Animals, Roommates

Roommate: “So the mechanics found out was wrong with my car. It seems that a chipmunk got into the engine and chewed through one of the belts.”

Me: “How did they know it was a chipmunk?”

Roommate: “They… um… found its head.”

Hanging Out All Your Dirty Laundry To Everyone

| Ireland | Roommates

(For a few days now, my roommate has been asking me when he can use the washing machine to do his laundry and it seems to always be in function every time he needs it, but quickly finishes a few minutes after he asks. He stays up, playing games, until late, even with work the next day, at times when the washing machine is free to use. I had an accident earlier that day with a cup of coffee which spilled over the tablecloth I was using on my table, where all my electronics were and I quickly ran a short wash so it would be clean.)

Roommate: *opening the door to the room where the washing machine is* “Again?!”

Me: “Yeah… I had an accident today with coffee but it should be done fairly quickly. I put it on 30 minutes ago.”

Roommate: *grunting* “I had a very urgent wash to do and I was hoping to do it now.”

Me: “If you really need it, I can stop the ongoing process and you can use it. If it is that urgent, I don’t mind.”

Roommate: “No, it is fine.”

Me: “I can also take care of it tonight if you want. I have nothing planned so I can stay up and hang your laundry so it will be dry when you get back.”

Roommate: “No, it is okay.”

(Surely enough, just minutes after he goes upstairs, the washing machine stops, so I go upstairs to tell him, as usual, that it is now free to use. My roommate tells me that it is ok and never comes back down to use said machine.  40 minutes later, our common friend sends me a text message on a social media app.)

Common Friend: “Hey. So, [Roommate] is speaking to me about how much of a terrible human being you are.” *smiley face*

Me: “What?”

Common Friend: *pasting the entire text that [Roommate] sent to him* “Hey, can I use your washing machine? It’s been days. I tried to get to use mine but [My Name] is always using it and I am tired of it. She told me to wait, but I need it tonight and I can’t leave the laundry all night or it will smell terrible and I will have to do it all over again. She even asked me if I wanted to have her stop her wash but I told her that it was okay. She even said that she would care for it for me, and hang it during the night but I told her that it was fine since there’s only two people I trust with my laundry: my mom, and myself.”

Me: *upon reading that text* “Oh, yeah, I am such a despicable human being for washing the various covers and curtains and kitchen cloths around the house and telling him when the washing machine was free, which always is mere minutes after he asks, but he never uses it and goes to bed at three am for three days. I am not responsible for his lack of organisation.”

Common Friend: “I know. I just thought it was hilarious so I felt like sharing.”

(The kicker? Roommate did use the washing machine — two days after the urgent time he needed the laundry, then left the entirety of his clothes to “smell bad” in the washing machine, and picked them up in the afternoon.)

Can’t Mask Your Embarrassment

| IN, USA | Awesome, Popular, Roommates

(My roommate and I are out shopping. We pull into the parking lot of a thrift store close to closing.)

Roommate: “All right, we’ve got twenty minutes to rob this place. I’ll take the front door, you take the back. Fake guns are in the trunk. And, go!”

Me: *playing along* “Do you have the ski masks back there, too?”

Roommate: “D*** it! I forgot the ski masks!”

Me: “Crap! How could you forget? Well, this was a wash. I guess we’ll have to try again next time…”

Roommate: “Wait! It’s a thrift store; they probably have some inside we can grab!”

Me: *laughing* “Not sure that would work; they’d have already seen our faces.”

(We go inside and start looking around. Roommate grabs something off a shelf and shows it to me.)

Roommate: “They don’t have any ski masks, but we could use this!”

Me: “I think I’d be too embarrassed to rob a store if I had to wear that…”

(It was a Ninja Turtle mask.)

Next Time Just Lie In

| St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Popular, Roommates

(On the weekend before finals, the professors take over the campus cafeteria and host a Late-Night Breakfast where they cook food from 8 to 10 pm for students. It’s free and doesn’t even cost a meal ticket. The only other late-night food option on campus is [Restaurant], where you have to pay for sandwiches. I go to the Late-Night Breakfast, eat some good food, and hang out with friends. Around 9:15, I go back to my dorm and find my roommate studying. We were friends before we roomed together, but we haven’t been doing very well as roommates and have said some pretty hurtful things to each other throughout the semester. Our friendship is on pretty rocky ground, but we’ve been getting along lately… or so I thought.)

Me: “Hey, Late-Night Breakfast is going on at the cafe right now.”

Roommate: “Late-Night Breakfast? What is that?”

Me: “Where the professors cook breakfast? It’s free. You’d better hurry, though, ’cause they’re going to stop soon.”

(My roommate seems pleased and curious. 15 or so minutes later, she leaves the room. She soon returns with a box of food that I immediately recognize as something from [Restaurant]. To get to [Restaurant], my roommate would have walked in the opposite direction from the cafeteria.)

Me: *confused* “Hey… did you go by the cafe? You could have gotten free food there…”

Roommate: *freezes, then says coldly* “There is no Late-Night Breakfast. You always lie to me, [My Name].”

Me: *disappointed* “You didn’t even look, did you?”

Roommate: “I didn’t need to. I knew you were lying.”

To Save Your Soul She Will Take Your Sanity

| UK | Popular, Religion, Roommates

(I have OCD which manifests in an obsession with the number 6. I’m in my first year at university and staying in halls of residence. One of my flatmates notices that I keep the lock on my kitchen cabinet defaulted to ‘6 6 6’ when locked. It’s ridiculously early when she knocks on my door. Up to this point she has never given any inclination that she is religious.)

Flatmate: “Just to let you know, the lock on your cupboard has 666 on it!”

Me: “I know; it’s deliberate.”

Flatmate: “But, that’s the devil’s number. You have to change it!”

Me: “I’m atheist so I don’t really care about it in that regard, and my OCD doesn’t allow me to do that. Otherwise it feels like the lock doesn’t work.”

Flatmate: “But, the devil will—“

Me: “Like I said, atheist. The superstitious side to that number doesn’t bother me, my own convoluted sanity permitting. Anyway, it’s my lock, not yours.”

(She gives me a disgusted look and walks back to her room, mumbling what I recognise to be the Lord’s prayer. Over the next couple of days whenever I use the kitchen I notice the numbers on the lock have changed. It does trigger my anxiety, but it’s a quick fix. I haven’t seen my flatmate since then but make a note to speak to her about it. The next time I’m in the kitchen she comes in, heads straight to my lock, and changes it again.)

Me: “[Flatmate], could you please not do that?”

Flatmate: “I have to. I’m saving your soul! You may as well be letting a demon into you, having such a satanic symbol on there.” *taking something out of her bag* “And here, I got this for you. We can save you together.”

(She presents a bible to me.)

Me: “I already own a bible from when I was at Catholic school. I’m not interested, sorry. But I am begging you, please leave my things alone. My lock and cupboard have absolutely nothing to do with you. I’m not telling you to change because of my beliefs, so I expect the same.”

(At this she takes out a crucifix necklace and taps me my hand with it.)

Flatmate: “You aren’t taken yet, so there’s still time. I’m going to be wearing this at all times from now on, and making this whenever I see you.” *making a cross with her fingers* “If you’re going to resist the will of the Lord, I need to be protected.”

(I was not pleased, and she continued to change my lock every time she went in the kitchen. My school work began to decline as my brain began to obsess over and over about her changing my lock, leading me to run out of my room whenever I hear a door open or close, or sprint back to my halls after lectures, expecting the lock to be changed. My other flatmates told me they were noticing a change in me and offered to help. We tried different locks with keys, but it didn’t help. My brain was stuck on that specific lock and that specific number being the only combination keeping my cupboard secure. After about a month I was racing home between lectures to check, only to find the lock was open. I wondered for a second if I forgot to lock it, but when I opened the cupboard I saw a cross and bottle of holy water on the top shelf. My flatmate must have unlocked it when changing it and decided to “protect it” or whatever. This was the last straw for me and I put in a complaint about the conditions I was living in. Coincidentally, she also made a complaint, about the continual noise I was making, opening and closing doors throughout the night, every night. We went to a hearing in the student union to sort things about, and my other flatmates decided to support me. We explained the situation and our representative is surprised by the lengths our flatmate went to, to “save me.” The complaint against me was ignored after taking into considering my mental illness and the circumstances exacerbating it. The only solution we came up with is for one of us to move out. I volunteered, but our rep decides that our flatmate move out, after seeing which side my other flatmates chose to take. I still see her on campus from time to time, wearing the necklace and making a cross with her fingers whenever she sees me. Now I’m just thankful she didn’t find out I’m gay as well!)

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