Category: Roommates

Can’t Mask Your Embarrassment

| IN, USA | Awesome, Popular, Roommates

(My roommate and I are out shopping. We pull into the parking lot of a thrift store close to closing.)

Roommate: “All right, we’ve got twenty minutes to rob this place. I’ll take the front door, you take the back. Fake guns are in the trunk. And, go!”

Me: *playing along* “Do you have the ski masks back there, too?”

Roommate: “D*** it! I forgot the ski masks!”

Me: “Crap! How could you forget? Well, this was a wash. I guess we’ll have to try again next time…”

Roommate: “Wait! It’s a thrift store; they probably have some inside we can grab!”

Me: *laughing* “Not sure that would work; they’d have already seen our faces.”

(We go inside and start looking around. Roommate grabs something off a shelf and shows it to me.)

Roommate: “They don’t have any ski masks, but we could use this!”

Me: “I think I’d be too embarrassed to rob a store if I had to wear that…”

(It was a Ninja Turtle mask.)

Next Time Just Lie In

| St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Popular, Roommates

(On the weekend before finals, the professors take over the campus cafeteria and host a Late-Night Breakfast where they cook food from 8 to 10 pm for students. It’s free and doesn’t even cost a meal ticket. The only other late-night food option on campus is [Restaurant], where you have to pay for sandwiches. I go to the Late-Night Breakfast, eat some good food, and hang out with friends. Around 9:15, I go back to my dorm and find my roommate studying. We were friends before we roomed together, but we haven’t been doing very well as roommates and have said some pretty hurtful things to each other throughout the semester. Our friendship is on pretty rocky ground, but we’ve been getting along lately… or so I thought.)

Me: “Hey, Late-Night Breakfast is going on at the cafe right now.”

Roommate: “Late-Night Breakfast? What is that?”

Me: “Where the professors cook breakfast? It’s free. You’d better hurry, though, ’cause they’re going to stop soon.”

(My roommate seems pleased and curious. 15 or so minutes later, she leaves the room. She soon returns with a box of food that I immediately recognize as something from [Restaurant]. To get to [Restaurant], my roommate would have walked in the opposite direction from the cafeteria.)

Me: *confused* “Hey… did you go by the cafe? You could have gotten free food there…”

Roommate: *freezes, then says coldly* “There is no Late-Night Breakfast. You always lie to me, [My Name].”

Me: *disappointed* “You didn’t even look, did you?”

Roommate: “I didn’t need to. I knew you were lying.”

To Save Your Soul She Will Take Your Sanity

| UK | Popular, Religion, Roommates

(I have OCD which manifests in an obsession with the number 6. I’m in my first year at university and staying in halls of residence. One of my flatmates notices that I keep the lock on my kitchen cabinet defaulted to ‘6 6 6’ when locked. It’s ridiculously early when she knocks on my door. Up to this point she has never given any inclination that she is religious.)

Flatmate: “Just to let you know, the lock on your cupboard has 666 on it!”

Me: “I know; it’s deliberate.”

Flatmate: “But, that’s the devil’s number. You have to change it!”

Me: “I’m atheist so I don’t really care about it in that regard, and my OCD doesn’t allow me to do that. Otherwise it feels like the lock doesn’t work.”

Flatmate: “But, the devil will—“

Me: “Like I said, atheist. The superstitious side to that number doesn’t bother me, my own convoluted sanity permitting. Anyway, it’s my lock, not yours.”

(She gives me a disgusted look and walks back to her room, mumbling what I recognise to be the Lord’s prayer. Over the next couple of days whenever I use the kitchen I notice the numbers on the lock have changed. It does trigger my anxiety, but it’s a quick fix. I haven’t seen my flatmate since then but make a note to speak to her about it. The next time I’m in the kitchen she comes in, heads straight to my lock, and changes it again.)

Me: “[Flatmate], could you please not do that?”

Flatmate: “I have to. I’m saving your soul! You may as well be letting a demon into you, having such a satanic symbol on there.” *taking something out of her bag* “And here, I got this for you. We can save you together.”

(She presents a bible to me.)

Me: “I already own a bible from when I was at Catholic school. I’m not interested, sorry. But I am begging you, please leave my things alone. My lock and cupboard have absolutely nothing to do with you. I’m not telling you to change because of my beliefs, so I expect the same.”

(At this she takes out a crucifix necklace and taps me my hand with it.)

Flatmate: “You aren’t taken yet, so there’s still time. I’m going to be wearing this at all times from now on, and making this whenever I see you.” *making a cross with her fingers* “If you’re going to resist the will of the Lord, I need to be protected.”

(I was not pleased, and she continued to change my lock every time she went in the kitchen. My school work began to decline as my brain began to obsess over and over about her changing my lock, leading me to run out of my room whenever I hear a door open or close, or sprint back to my halls after lectures, expecting the lock to be changed. My other flatmates told me they were noticing a change in me and offered to help. We tried different locks with keys, but it didn’t help. My brain was stuck on that specific lock and that specific number being the only combination keeping my cupboard secure. After about a month I was racing home between lectures to check, only to find the lock was open. I wondered for a second if I forgot to lock it, but when I opened the cupboard I saw a cross and bottle of holy water on the top shelf. My flatmate must have unlocked it when changing it and decided to “protect it” or whatever. This was the last straw for me and I put in a complaint about the conditions I was living in. Coincidentally, she also made a complaint, about the continual noise I was making, opening and closing doors throughout the night, every night. We went to a hearing in the student union to sort things about, and my other flatmates decided to support me. We explained the situation and our representative is surprised by the lengths our flatmate went to, to “save me.” The complaint against me was ignored after taking into considering my mental illness and the circumstances exacerbating it. The only solution we came up with is for one of us to move out. I volunteered, but our rep decides that our flatmate move out, after seeing which side my other flatmates chose to take. I still see her on campus from time to time, wearing the necklace and making a cross with her fingers whenever she sees me. Now I’m just thankful she didn’t find out I’m gay as well!)

Email Fail: The Spectacular

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular, Roommates, Rude & Risque

(Before me, my roommate/friend had another… less stable roommate. He tells me what was the first incident, about half a month in when he thought his roomie wasn’t a bad guy.)

Ex-Roomie: “Hey, can I get your email? I don’t really use many other social Internet stuff. I prefer texts and emails way more.”

Friend: “Sure! It’s [email].”

(Not out of place, especially since my friend does use his email a lot. On another day, they have some free time and my friend is kind of coerced into a conversation about themselves.)

Ex-Roomie: “Sucks that we can’t own any animals besides fish here. Have you ever had any pets?”

Friend: “Not many. I had a dog when I was younger and now my family has two cats.”

Ex-Roomie: “Lucky! What was the dog’s name?”

Friend: “Sparky. Old lab. Miss him, to—“

Ex-Roomie: “Yeah, yeah. Wow, you’re lucky man. Never had pets myself. I grew up in [State]. Where are you from?”

Friend: “Oh, I’m from around here.”

Ex-Roomie: “No, no. Where did you grow up?”

Friend: “Well, not far off from here, near downtown.”

Ex-Roomie: “Oh, yeah, I’ve got some friends that grew up over there, too! Do you know them?”

Friend: “Uh… I wouldn’t really know? What’s their—“

Ex-Roomie: “Aw, come on! You’ve GOTTA know them. What street did you live on?”

Friend: *concerned, but doesn’t know where this is leading* “Uh… [Street]? My, um, family doesn’t live there though, and I only had a handful of fr—“

Ex-Roomie: “Ah, nah. They don’t live around there. Your family doesn’t live here anymore? Where’d they go?”

(This went on for a bit. For my friend, though it felt a bit intrusive, it wasn’t too weird. He’s naturally a shy guy so he thought his roommate was just really inquisitive and wanted to get to know him. However, in hindsight, everything clicked together for the little fiasco that happened later on.)

Ex-Roomie: *swears and storms out of his rooms to open the fridge*

Friend: *eating cereal* “What?”

Ex-Roomie: “YOU F****** LIED TO ME, THAT’S WHAT!” *grabs the gallon of milk and starts to chug as much as he can*

Friend: “Wait, what?”

Ex-Roomie: *crying* “F*** YOU! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!”

(He ended up CHUCKING THE MILK TO THE GROUND, spilling it everywhere, and storming back to his room. Apparently, he was trying to break into my friend’s email account because he noticed him using it so much and wanted to prank him by sending d*ck pics to everyone in his contacts. My friend found this out a day later, when the roommate invited all his friends over, got drunk, and all started heckling my friend as if he was the one being the spoil sport about it and “couldn’t take a joke.” That roommate did not last long, especially after some more property damage and when he inappropriately started to hit on the landlord’s daughter and tried blaming it on my friend. My friend is gay, by the way.)

Enough To Make You Unhinged

| England, UK | Bad Behavior, Popular, Roommates

(In university, I live with three quite immature and obnoxious guys. We each have our own kitchen cupboards for food, but mine has trouble closing fully due to some faulty hinges. For some reason, this really bothers all of them and they are continually shouting at me to close it. Each time I re-explain about the hinges and show them how it won’t close. One night they keep me awake the whole night due to being loud, and one housemate brings a girl back with him to hook up. Despite my best efforts, they won’t keep it down. The next day I am tired and extremely grumpy and barely make it through my day, then I am forced to walk a mile home in the rain. When I get in I see them all with guilty smiles on their faces. As I get in the kitchen I see they have taken my door off.)

Me: “WHAT THE H***! GUYS WHY IS MY F****** DOOR BEEN RIPPED OFF?!”

(All of them come into the kitchen, looking proud of themselves.)

Me: “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

(Suddenly all of them look confused and dumbfounded.)

Housemate #1: “Sorry… we thought you’d find it funny!”

Me: “Why would I find this funny?”

Housemate #1: “You know. You never close it.”

Me: “Because it WON’T CLOSE! You know this and I keep explaining it!”

Housemate #3: “You were supposed to find it funny; you know, because we’re always annoyed!”

Housemate #2: “Yeah, don’t be such a d***!”

Me: “Are you kidding me right now? You took my door off for no reason other than it bothered you?”

Housemate #1: “It was supposed to be funny!”

Me: “Will you quit repeating that?! I’m not laughing at it! All last night I had to put with you boys acting like total a**-holes again and now I come home to this.”

Housemate #3: “Should have told us it bothered you.”

Me: “I did. You just did a bad impersonation of me and slammed the door in my face!”

Housemate #2: “GOD! Wouldn’t have done it if you gonna act like such a p****!”

(Right then it takes all my willpower not to scream my head off at them.)

Me: “Just screw the d*** door back on! NOW!”

(With that, I left the kitchen and refused to speak to them for the rest of the day. Thankfully at the end of that term, I moved out of that house and found better housemates.)

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