Category: Roommates

Email Fail: The Spectacular

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular, Roommates, Rude & Risque

(Before me, my roommate/friend had another… less stable roommate. He tells me what was the first incident, about half a month in when he thought his roomie wasn’t a bad guy.)

Ex-Roomie: “Hey, can I get your email? I don’t really use many other social Internet stuff. I prefer texts and emails way more.”

Friend: “Sure! It’s [email].”

(Not out of place, especially since my friend does use his email a lot. On another day, they have some free time and my friend is kind of coerced into a conversation about themselves.)

Ex-Roomie: “Sucks that we can’t own any animals besides fish here. Have you ever had any pets?”

Friend: “Not many. I had a dog when I was younger and now my family has two cats.”

Ex-Roomie: “Lucky! What was the dog’s name?”

Friend: “Sparky. Old lab. Miss him, to—“

Ex-Roomie: “Yeah, yeah. Wow, you’re lucky man. Never had pets myself. I grew up in [State]. Where are you from?”

Friend: “Oh, I’m from around here.”

Ex-Roomie: “No, no. Where did you grow up?”

Friend: “Well, not far off from here, near downtown.”

Ex-Roomie: “Oh, yeah, I’ve got some friends that grew up over there, too! Do you know them?”

Friend: “Uh… I wouldn’t really know? What’s their—“

Ex-Roomie: “Aw, come on! You’ve GOTTA know them. What street did you live on?”

Friend: *concerned, but doesn’t know where this is leading* “Uh… [Street]? My, um, family doesn’t live there though, and I only had a handful of fr—“

Ex-Roomie: “Ah, nah. They don’t live around there. Your family doesn’t live here anymore? Where’d they go?”

(This went on for a bit. For my friend, though it felt a bit intrusive, it wasn’t too weird. He’s naturally a shy guy so he thought his roommate was just really inquisitive and wanted to get to know him. However, in hindsight, everything clicked together for the little fiasco that happened later on.)

Ex-Roomie: *swears and storms out of his rooms to open the fridge*

Friend: *eating cereal* “What?”

Ex-Roomie: “YOU F****** LIED TO ME, THAT’S WHAT!” *grabs the gallon of milk and starts to chug as much as he can*

Friend: “Wait, what?”

Ex-Roomie: *crying* “F*** YOU! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!”

(He ended up CHUCKING THE MILK TO THE GROUND, spilling it everywhere, and storming back to his room. Apparently, he was trying to break into my friend’s email account because he noticed him using it so much and wanted to prank him by sending d*ck pics to everyone in his contacts. My friend found this out a day later, when the roommate invited all his friends over, got drunk, and all started heckling my friend as if he was the one being the spoil sport about it and “couldn’t take a joke.” That roommate did not last long, especially after some more property damage and when he inappropriately started to hit on the landlord’s daughter and tried blaming it on my friend. My friend is gay, by the way.)

Enough To Make You Unhinged

| England, UK | Bad Behavior, Popular, Roommates

(In university, I live with three quite immature and obnoxious guys. We each have our own kitchen cupboards for food, but mine has trouble closing fully due to some faulty hinges. For some reason, this really bothers all of them and they are continually shouting at me to close it. Each time I re-explain about the hinges and show them how it won’t close. One night they keep me awake the whole night due to being loud, and one housemate brings a girl back with him to hook up. Despite my best efforts, they won’t keep it down. The next day I am tired and extremely grumpy and barely make it through my day, then I am forced to walk a mile home in the rain. When I get in I see them all with guilty smiles on their faces. As I get in the kitchen I see they have taken my door off.)

Me: “WHAT THE H***! GUYS WHY IS MY F****** DOOR BEEN RIPPED OFF?!”

(All of them come into the kitchen, looking proud of themselves.)

Me: “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

(Suddenly all of them look confused and dumbfounded.)

Housemate #1: “Sorry… we thought you’d find it funny!”

Me: “Why would I find this funny?”

Housemate #1: “You know. You never close it.”

Me: “Because it WON’T CLOSE! You know this and I keep explaining it!”

Housemate #3: “You were supposed to find it funny; you know, because we’re always annoyed!”

Housemate #2: “Yeah, don’t be such a d***!”

Me: “Are you kidding me right now? You took my door off for no reason other than it bothered you?”

Housemate #1: “It was supposed to be funny!”

Me: “Will you quit repeating that?! I’m not laughing at it! All last night I had to put with you boys acting like total a**-holes again and now I come home to this.”

Housemate #3: “Should have told us it bothered you.”

Me: “I did. You just did a bad impersonation of me and slammed the door in my face!”

Housemate #2: “GOD! Wouldn’t have done it if you gonna act like such a p****!”

(Right then it takes all my willpower not to scream my head off at them.)

Me: “Just screw the d*** door back on! NOW!”

(With that, I left the kitchen and refused to speak to them for the rest of the day. Thankfully at the end of that term, I moved out of that house and found better housemates.)

The Neverending Rental

| Apison, TN, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular, Roommates

(I’m answering an ad for a room for rent. As soon as the guy who ran the ad opens the door, his dog runs out and jumps on me.)

Me: “Does this mean I passed the first barrier?”

(I got the room.)

Not Doing A Good ‘Job’ Consoling

| CO, USA | Popular, Roommates

(One morning all my coworkers and I are called in to the boss’s office. He tells us that he’s very sorry, but effective noon today none of us — including him — have jobs, due to a corporate buyout. I finish my day in a daze, and go home to collapse in my favorite chair and stare at the wall… until my roommate comes home. She’s a teacher.)

Roommate: “Hey, you look upset. What’s wrong?”

Me: “I just lost my job.”

Roommate: “Oh, my gosh, I know how you feel. I had TWO parents yell at me today!”

Me: “I’m going to my room now…”

The Train Schedule For Neverland

| USA | Backhanded Compliments, Books & Reading, Popular, Roommates

(I have just come up with a new book idea and am telling my roommate about it. Note that she voluntarily edits my books.)

Me: “So, I started writing down all the things I have to research for the book. Economy, train lines, which stations would have stationmasters, what percentage of people in that area were immigrants, what sort of seniority and training a stationmaster would need, how inappropriate it would be for a 16-year-old girl to travel unaccompanied, what sort of employment she would have…”

Roommate: “You know, this is totally different from anything I’ve read of yours. Historical fiction, mystery, realistic.”

Me: “Excuse me, are you saying my books aren’t realistic?”

Roommate: “You write about swan maidens and fairy godmothers.”

Me: “Touché.”