Category: Roommates

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Driving Down Opinion Of Yourself

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Popular, Roommates

(I am transgender, and thus clearly have issues with body image, particularly when partially clothed, especially in public. One day my roommates want to go to the lake for a swim, which I am not interested in. After much cajoling I finally agree to go.)

Me: “Can we stop at the store so I can get next month’s bus pass?”

Roommate: “Sure. I would like a chocolate milk.”

(We get to the store and I get out, but notice she hasn’t made any motion to get up.)

Me: “Are you coming?”

Roommate: “Why?”

Me: “You said you wanted a chocolate milk.”

Roommate: *with immense smugness* “Yes, and what the driver wants, the driver gets!”

(I looked at her in absolute disgust and went to get my bus pass. She didn’t get her chocolate milk.)

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Your Argument Has No Hairy Leg To Stand On

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Health & Body, Popular, Roommates

(In my early 20s I lived with three other women in an apartment. We all got along really well, even though we were from very different places, and would hang out regularly. It’s winter and three of us are hanging out chatting while our other roommate takes a nap.)

Me: “I hate shaving. I’m so glad it’s winter so I don’t have to shave and can just wear leggings and boots or long pants.”

Roommate #1: “You don’t shave in the winter?!”

Roommate #2: “Why wouldn’t you shave?!”

Me: “What’s the point? It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone right now and no one will see anyways since I’m wearing pants all the time.”

Roommate #2: “You’re never going to find a guy if you don’t shave your legs.”

Me: “What are you talking about? My last boyfriend didn’t care at all.”

(It was my idea to break up. He proposed and I turned him down.)

Roommate #1: “He was probably lying to you. My brother came up to me a while ago and asked me to talk to his wife about how she never shaved. He hated it and didn’t know how to tell her.”

Me: “Dude, that’s totally his problem and something he should have talked to her directly about.”

Roommate #2: “That’s not the point! It’s gross and any guy who tells you it’s not is lying to you.”

Me: “Well, I don’t care! I’m not going to shave!”

(At this point, our other roommate comes into the room, yawns, and curls up on the couch with a blanket. This roommate is very beautiful, extremely sweet, and has a reputation for having guys fawn over her regularly.)

Roommate #1: “[Roommate #3]! Tell [My Name] that she needs to shave her legs and will never find a guy if she doesn’t!”

Roommate #3: “Why would I do that? Shaving sucks. I hate it and any guy who minds isn’t worth our time.”

(I guess they forgot that she was from Alaska.)

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You Could Do It In Your Sleep

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Popular, Roommates, Students

(My former roommate and I would have a weekly hang out where we’d just sit and watch TV shows that were so terrible we could make fun of them, but not so terrible that we didn’t enjoy ourselves. We’re in maybe the third season of a typical soap opera-esque show where the two leads keep sleeping with each others’ boyfriends or exes).

Roommate: “How difficult is it to just not sleep with someone? I do it all the time! I’m doing it right now!”

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Narrowing Down And Throwing Up

| USA | Popular, Roommates

(My roommate and I just pulled into a popular local restaurant.)

Me: “Man, I haven’t been here since the [Mutual Friend] incident.”

Roommate: “There have been multiple [Mutual Friend] incidents.”

Me: “The time when he threw up.”

Roommate: “There have been multiple times where he threw up.”

Me: “The time when he threw up in his glasses.”

Roommate: “Oh yeah. That was his birthday.”

Me: “It’s scary that I had to narrow that down.”

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In A Mon-Daze

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Roommates

(The roommate and I are putting the furbabies to bed. It is the first workday of the week.)

Roommate: “It’s Monday.”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Roommate: “Why is it only Monday?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Roommate: “I don’t want it to be Monday.”

Me: “Neither do I, but it is.”

(I pick up one of our dog water dishes and go to the bathroom to refill it, biding my time. As expected, the roommate follows with the food bowls, and right on schedule:)

Roommate: *whiny* “It’s MOOOOND—”

Me: “I have a bowl of water in my hand.”

Roommate: *shuts up*

(We return to the dogs’ room with the full food and water bowls. No sooner have I put the water bowl down than:)

Roommate: *whispers* “Monday.”

Me: “That does it! Just for that, you get to clean the litter box tonight, too!”

Roommate: “Okay by me.”

(She skips off upstairs, leaving me a little suspicious. I finish with the dogs and head upstairs myself. Then, as I round the corner to the cats’ room, I hear it…)

Me: “Do you have your phone playing ‘Monday, Monday’ in there?!”

Roommate: *grin*

Me: “You’re just trying to turn this house into a permanent Not Always Friendly story, aren’t you?”

Roommate: “Not on purpose…”

(It was totally on purpose.)