Category: Roommates

It Was All About The Benjamins

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Popular, Roommates

(I share a flat with three other students. One of my flat-mates is a history major, specialising in American history. One day she comes home incredibly excited because she bought herself a potted plant for her bedroom. I don’t think much about this for a few weeks until I walk into the kitchen, and she looks more morose than I have ever seen her.)

Me: “Hey, are you okay?”

Flat-Mate: “Oh, I’m fine. It’s nothing serious.”

Me: “What happened?!”

Flat-Mate: “Benjamin Franklin is dead, and it’s all my fault!”

Me: “…?”

(Turned out she named the plant.)

Bed Wetter

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Roommates

(I return to my dorm room mid-morning to find my roommate and her boyfriend there. He looks exhausted.)

Roommate: “Oh, hey, [My Name], is it okay if [Boyfriend] sleeps in your bed? The sprinklers malfunctioned in his room and woke him up, and his bed is all wet.”

Me: “Erm – can’t he sleep in YOUR bed?”

Roommate: “I just washed all the blankets and he’s kinda wet still, see?”

Me: “No. Just… no. Sorry, [Boyfriend].”

(I had been planning to go to the library, but instead I crawled on to my bed to work to make sure she didn’t stick him in it as soon as I left!)

Racial Teleprofiling

| USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Popular, Roommates

(My roommate isn’t Indian. We have been having trouble with scammers.)

Caller: *heavy Indian accent* “Hello, may I speak to [Roommate]?”

Me: “No, bye.” *hangs up*

(Later.)

Roommate: “Did you hang up on an another Indian guy earlier?”

Me: “Yes. They’re annoying.”

Roommate: “Unfortunately, that one wasn’t a telemarketer. He’s my uncle.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Roommate: “My dad’s sister married an Indian. That was him.”

Me: “Oh… oops. I’m so sorry. You never told me to expect him.”

Roommate: “It’s okay. Never expected it either. My first words were ‘Don’t scam me’ before he called me by my nickname and I realized his voice was familiar. I’m not that close to him, but my aunt has a sore throat today.”

Totally Bugging Out

| USA | Popular, Roommates

(I have severe entomophobia: the fear of bugs. Consequently, I always stay indoors. One day, I am playing video games when something on the floor catches my eye. It is a roach crawling across the ground, one of those winged ones. It also is HUGE. I freak out and run to my bedroom.)

Me: *grabbing phone* “[Roommate], get back home quickly! Please!”

(My roommate hears my fear and is instantly concerned.)

Roommate: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *gibbering* “There a huge disgusting roach in the living room! Help!”

Roommate: “Oh, geez, is that all? Just throw a shoe at it. I thought there was a robber in the house or something.”

Me: “It’s huge! And it has wings!”

Roommate: “Fine, I’ll be there.”

(He comes home and I point out where the roach is. By this time, I’m sobbing like a crazy person and whimpering.)

Roommate: “Is that it?! Holy s***! It’s the biggest roach I’ve ever seen.”

Me: “Just kill it before I go crazy!”

(My roommate got a shoe and tried to smash it, but then the roach HISSED at him and flew around! I fainted and was woken by my roommate. He killed it but I insisted on calling an exterminator.)

Driving Down Opinion Of Yourself

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Popular, Roommates

(I am transgender, and thus clearly have issues with body image, particularly when partially clothed, especially in public. One day my roommates want to go to the lake for a swim, which I am not interested in. After much cajoling I finally agree to go.)

Me: “Can we stop at the store so I can get next month’s bus pass?”

Roommate: “Sure. I would like a chocolate milk.”

(We get to the store and I get out, but notice she hasn’t made any motion to get up.)

Me: “Are you coming?”

Roommate: “Why?”

Me: “You said you wanted a chocolate milk.”

Roommate: *with immense smugness* “Yes, and what the driver wants, the driver gets!”

(I looked at her in absolute disgust and went to get my bus pass. She didn’t get her chocolate milk.)