Category: Roommates

Narrowing Down And Throwing Up

| USA | Popular, Roommates

(My roommate and I just pulled into a popular local restaurant.)

Me: “Man, I haven’t been here since the [Mutual Friend] incident.”

Roommate: “There have been multiple [Mutual Friend] incidents.”

Me: “The time when he threw up.”

Roommate: “There have been multiple times where he threw up.”

Me: “The time when he threw up in his glasses.”

Roommate: “Oh yeah. That was his birthday.”

Me: “It’s scary that I had to narrow that down.”

In A Mon-Daze

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Roommates

(The roommate and I are putting the furbabies to bed. It is the first workday of the week.)

Roommate: “It’s Monday.”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Roommate: “Why is it only Monday?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Roommate: “I don’t want it to be Monday.”

Me: “Neither do I, but it is.”

(I pick up one of our dog water dishes and go to the bathroom to refill it, biding my time. As expected, the roommate follows with the food bowls, and right on schedule:)

Roommate: *whiny* “It’s MOOOOND—”

Me: “I have a bowl of water in my hand.”

Roommate: *shuts up*

(We return to the dogs’ room with the full food and water bowls. No sooner have I put the water bowl down than:)

Roommate: *whispers* “Monday.”

Me: “That does it! Just for that, you get to clean the litter box tonight, too!”

Roommate: “Okay by me.”

(She skips off upstairs, leaving me a little suspicious. I finish with the dogs and head upstairs myself. Then, as I round the corner to the cats’ room, I hear it…)

Me: “Do you have your phone playing ‘Monday, Monday’ in there?!”

Roommate: *grin*

Me: “You’re just trying to turn this house into a permanent Not Always Friendly story, aren’t you?”

Roommate: “Not on purpose…”

(It was totally on purpose.)

Noticed A Couple Things

| Australia | Roommates

(My cousin studying in Australia is living in student housing apartments. It has two bedrooms with a bunk bed each. A friend visits their place while the two girls from one bedroom are out, but their door open, which is normal.)

Visitor: “I thought you were all girls here?”

Cousin: “Yeah, we are.”

Visitor: “Oh, I thought that room looked like a couple lives there.”

Girl: “Well, one of them is a tomboy; that’s all.”

Cousin: “I think she’d like that compliment, thanks.”

(She did.)

Unable To Think Inside Or Outside The Box

| Extra Stupid, Roommates

(I recently moved into an apartment with three strangers. They are all younger and know less about the world. One of them has just come back into town.)

Roommate #1: “[Roommate #2], you got a letter while you were gone.”

Roommate #2: “Wait, a letter came here?”

Me: “Yeah, on Friday.”

Roommate #2: “Not to the mailbox?”

Me: “It came through the mailbox to get here.”

Roommate #2: “So are we all sharing a mailbox?”

(We had been living there for over a month. I was speechless.)

The Mystery Of The Sausage Porno

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Roommates

(The roommate is playing a hidden objects game on her tablet.)

Roommate: “I need to find a sausage, a mouse, and a backpack.”

Me: “My brain is trying to turn that into either a mystery novel or a porno.”

Roommate: *without hesitation* “That would be a WEIRD porno.”

Me: “I love how that’s the one you instantly went with…”