Category: Transportation

Driving Down Expectations

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Popular, Transportation

(When my husband and I got engaged, we asked our best friends, who happened to be married to each other, to be our best man and matron of honour. They’re lovely people, but a bit scatterbrained. We’d asked, months before, if they’d mind driving us around on our wedding day — to the photograph spot, to the reception, that kind of thing. They said that would be fine. This happened the night before the wedding.)

Matron Of Honour: “What are you guys going to drive around in tomorrow?”

Me: “You said you’d drive us in your car, remember?”

Matron Of Honour: “What? Oh, no, that won’t do at all. You need a white limo.”

Best Man: “Yeah, you can do a lot better than our car.”

Me: “Um, no, your car is fine.”

Matron Of Honour: “But it’s all dirty! We haven’t cleaned it in months!”

Best Man: *nods*

Me: *thinking* “You’ve known about this for ages… but you obviously forgot.” *saying* “That’s okay. We don’t care.”

Matron Of Honour: “No, no, you need a limo!” *grabs Yellow Pages*

Me: “[Matron Of Honor], it’s currently 10:30 pm on a Friday.”

Matron Of Honour: *starting to dial phone* “So?”

Best Man: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “So… no limo companies will be open.”

Matron Of Honour: “You don’t know that. …. Huh, it’s just ringing and ringing and no one is answering. I’ll try another.”

(I finally convinced them to give up, telling them over and over that their car would be fine. MOH still kept muttering “But you should have a limo.” By the way, they weren’t exaggerating about the state of the car – it was very dirty and had loads of fast food wrappers all over the back seat. Not exactly what I’d had in mind!)

Getting Cross With The Crossing

| NJ, USA | Popular, Strangers, Transportation

(I am recovering from a minor knee-injury. No crutches or cast or anything, but I still have it wrapped up with an Ace bandage beneath my jeans and can hardly bend it. I have a pronounced limp and can’t go anywhere fast. I do still have to go to the store, though, and while in the parking lot I am waiting at the cross-walk for several cars to go by. One car stops and waves me past, I just wave back. They wave again; I shake my head and indicate my abnormally-straight leg. The driver then ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW AND YELLS AT ME.)


Me: *shrug* “If you insist.”

(I then begin limping my way across the intersection; I get about halfway across his car before he HONKS AT ME.)

Driver: “HURRY UP!”

Me: *still standing in front of his car* “You know, if you’d just gone on when I waved you off, you’d already be back on the road by now!”

(Thankfully he wasn’t road-raging so hard that he decided to run me over; I was not inclined to put any extra hurry in my step to finish crossing the street, either.)

Needs More Train-ing

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses, Popular, Transportation

(I’ve made plans to go to a convention with my family. I have paid almost NO attention to details of the trip except for when we will go and how we will get there.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], I’m going on a train ride!”

Manager: “That’s great. Where are you going?”

Me: “I have no idea… but we’re going on a train! It’s gonna be fun!”

(After that, I sheepishly asked my mom where we were actually going. She got a kick out of the story with my manager.)

Free-Wayyyy Too Far

| Austria | Popular, Transportation, Travel

(I and two friends of mine are taking a trip to Croatia by car. One of my friends has already been in the city we are heading to a few times with her dad, so she gives my other friend directions.)

Friend #1: “Okay, and then you go along the freeway until it ends and turns into a normal country road.”

(We are driving hours and hours and no end is in sight. When we finally reach the end of the freeway, we notice that it is under construction and turns right just before the road works.)

Friend #1: “I don’t recognize the surroundings. That’s strange, because when I went to [Town] with my dad he would always drive till the end of the freeway.”

Friend #2: “Are you sure? Because you said it was going to be a six-hour drive and we have been driving non-stop for nine hours and [Town] is nowhere in sight.”

Me: “Um, [Friend #1], are you sure that we didn’t drive too far? Because it seems to me that since the last time you visited [Town] with your dad, the road construction might have gone a little further, and where the end of the road was two years ago doesn’t necessarily have to be the end of the road NOW.”

Friend #1: *looking shocked as it suddenly hits her*

Friend #2: “Oh, come on, [Friend #1]. Don’t tell me that the last three hours of driving were completely in vain!”

Will Stop At Nothing

| OK, USA | Popular, Strangers, Transportation

(My town is laid out as a grid. The “main” roads are each a mile apart and the businesses and neighborhoods are tucked in the square mile sections in between. To dodge traffic, folks sometimes try to drive through neighborhoods since they’ll come out at the same place anyway. To discourage this, the town has set up stop signs every other block in each direction. A few intersections have four-way stops but most have two-way. I get to a two-way stop where I have no sign and proceed to turn left. A car to my right barrels through their sign and almost hits me. I lay on the horn and proceed through the turn. The other car has to slam on the brakes. I make another turn down the road, also with no sign and then get to an intersection where I have to stop. The car that had to screech to a halt pulls up behind me, honking. I hit the door lock and roll the window up all but an inch. The driver, a lady younger than me, jumps out of the car and storms up to my car. She actually grabs the door handle.)

Other Driver: “Get out of the car, b****!”

Me: “Nope.”

Other Driver: “Get out of the car! You nearly killed my kids!”

Me: “You nearly killed your own kids. You drove right through a stop sign.”

Other Driver: “You had to stop there!”

Me: “No. I did not. I had no sign. You did. Even if I had a sign, you would still have had to stop as we would have both had signs. You blew through the stop sign and nearly hit me, almost killing my kids. I notice none of your kids are seat belted in. You clearly don’t care about your own kids. Oh, and a cop just pulled up behind you. Have a nice day.”

(I drove off to the fire station on the next block just in case she continued to follow. I don’t know if the cops noticed her kids were not buckled in but, since they were standing in the back seat, I don’t know how they could miss it.)

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