Category: Transportation

A Bridge Too Far

| Clemson, SC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Transportation

(A family friend is taking a road trip of maybe eight hours, and is stopping on the way to spend the night at our house. My mom’s brother lives near his destination and she’s decided to give his phone number to our friend as an emergency contact.)

Mom: *on the phone with her brother* “I don’t expect him to call you from prison or anything. He’s not a bad kid. He’s not even a bad driver; he just has bad luck. Weird things happen to him, especially on road trips.”

(Pause. He must have asked what she meant by bad luck.)

Mom: “Well, like getting exactly halfway through a trip, when nobody from either end could reach him in under three hours, and his car breaking down. Or like the time he was working at [Local Haunted House] and the prop toilet exploded and tore his leg up. That kind of bad luck.”

(My uncle eventually agrees to be an emergency contact, but still seems skeptical about our friend’s weird luck. The friend arrives that night about 12:30.)

Friend: “Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late. A bridge collapsed onto the road I needed to take, so I detoured into [Town he isn’t familiar with] and ended up lost.”

(We gave him my cousin’s number, too.)

Take The Exit At Santa’s House

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Geography, Transportation

(We were driving back to NY from a conference in Philadelphia. I’m the driver.)

Me: “Oh, no! We got on the highway going north when we need to be going south.”

Friend: “Well, if we go north long enough we’ll eventually go south.”

Me: “Yeah, when we reach the North Pole. Remind me never to let you navigate.”

Your Way Of Thinking Has Come To The End Of The Road

| PA, USA | Transportation

(I’m giving my friend directions as he drives me home.)

Me: “Go all the way to the end of this road, then turn left.”

(We reach the end of the road.)

Me: “Okay, turn left at the light.”

Friend: “Wait, this is the end of the road?”

Me: “Unless you think the house directly in front of us in in desperate need of a new driveway, then yes, it’s the end of the road.”

Friend: “Oh… Right. Duh.”

Life Is Stranger Than Stolen Fiction

| Denmark | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Strangers, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

(I’m sitting on a bench at a bus stop, waiting for the bus. I am reading a book when more people arrive and start waiting as well. A lady sits next to me and gradually gets more and more interested in my book. She even begins so read over my shoulder. I’m a little annoyed but ignore her. She even goes as far as sighing heavily and tapping her foot, when I’m reading too slowly and she wants me to turn the page. I get pretty self conscious about how fast I read and in the end get fed up with it. I then close the book and make a move to put it in my bag, when the lady suddenly placed her hand gently on my arm.)

Lady: “Excuse me, but could I please see that?”

Me: “Oh? Okay.”

(I agree to show her my book, thinking that she just wanted to write down the title, but the lady quickly snatches my book and stuffs it in her big purse. Stunned of what has just happened, I freeze up and the lady acts as if nothing happened. Everybody else just looks shocked. I quickly gain my thoughts and begin to talk the lady into giving me my book back.)

Me: “Um? Could I have my book back?”

Lady: “No. I need it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that book is mine. I can tell you where to buy it if you want… or show you where the library is?”

Lady: “No. This is easier.”

Me: “I own that book! You can’t just steal it.”

(I reach for my book, which is still sticking out a little bit from her purse, but she quickly pulls it away and stands up.)

Lady: “NO! IT’S MINE!”

(I stand too and people around us tell her to return the book.)

Lady: “SHUT UP! IT’S MINE! IT’S MIIINE!”

(She lifts her arm to swing at me, only to be stopped by one of the men around us. She continues to scream and kick until police arrives.)

Lady: “THAT B**** TRIES TO STEAL MY STUFF! ARREST THAT WHORE!”

(Everybody else backed my story up and the lady tried to attack the police when they asked her to return my book. She got cuffed and still screamed at me from the back of the police car. And I got my book back! It had a happy ending as well.)

Driving Down Expectations

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Popular, Transportation

(When my husband and I got engaged, we asked our best friends, who happened to be married to each other, to be our best man and matron of honour. They’re lovely people, but a bit scatterbrained. We’d asked, months before, if they’d mind driving us around on our wedding day — to the photograph spot, to the reception, that kind of thing. They said that would be fine. This happened the night before the wedding.)

Matron Of Honour: “What are you guys going to drive around in tomorrow?”

Me: “You said you’d drive us in your car, remember?”

Matron Of Honour: “What? Oh, no, that won’t do at all. You need a white limo.”

Best Man: “Yeah, you can do a lot better than our car.”

Me: “Um, no, your car is fine.”

Matron Of Honour: “But it’s all dirty! We haven’t cleaned it in months!”

Best Man: *nods*

Me: *thinking* “You’ve known about this for ages… but you obviously forgot.” *saying* “That’s okay. We don’t care.”

Matron Of Honour: “No, no, you need a limo!” *grabs Yellow Pages*

Me: “[Matron Of Honor], it’s currently 10:30 pm on a Friday.”

Matron Of Honour: *starting to dial phone* “So?”

Best Man: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “So… no limo companies will be open.”

Matron Of Honour: “You don’t know that. …. Huh, it’s just ringing and ringing and no one is answering. I’ll try another.”

(I finally convinced them to give up, telling them over and over that their car would be fine. MOH still kept muttering “But you should have a limo.” By the way, they weren’t exaggerating about the state of the car – it was very dirty and had loads of fast food wrappers all over the back seat. Not exactly what I’d had in mind!)

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