(We about to play a game and we’re rolling the die to see who goes first. I roll and “one” comes up.)
Me: One… *suddenly singing* singular sensation, every little step she takes!
(Everyone stops and stares at me.)
Friend: *facepalm* Wow, I can’t believe you just broke out into a musical number.
(They weren’t surprised when I came out a couple of years later.)
(I am the idiot in this case. I am at home watching a show when the phone rings from a place)
Caller: Hi, Is (My sister’s name) there?
Me: No, she moved but I can give you her number. it is (gives her my home number, same one she calls. I hang up then realize my mistake)
Me: Shit, oh well.
(Same nu,ber calls again this time I give the right number)
(My roommate and I are curly-haired redheads who are geeks. In spite of several inches difference in height, different body composition and her wearing glasses, people take a long time to remember that we’re not the same person. Seriously, they just remember that they know someone with curly hair who likes Star Wars for a while.
At this point, I’m in the choir seats before the services and she’s in the pews. She texts me.)
Roommate: Do you have potatoes?
Me: I just ran out.
Roommate: Darn. I was in the mood for hash browns.
Me: And I’ve been in the mood for latkes all day.
Roommate: I was just looking up latke recipes!
Me: And that’s why no one can tell us apart. That’s it. One of us is schizophrenic and the other doesn’t exist. Or we’re two manifestations of someone else’s Dissociative Identity Disorder.
(I have couple of friends in college, we’re friends due to having similar sense of human and being so real oddballs. Two of these friends had a problem where everyone thought they were dating/hooking up, and to me it was funny to goad it on.)
Me: hey [friend 1], I am gonna buy you a fake ring for April fools, go around and take pictures and see peoples reactions.
Friend 1: If we did that, my brother would kill [friend 2].
Me:OH, we should get you in a dress and use a pillow as a baby bump.
Friend 2: If you do this I will castrate you in your sleep.
(We all know it is joking, and friend 2 has been in a relationship for 8 years.)
[My friend and I want to get into a certain dance club, but it’s only for age 21+, and we’re both too young. Neither of us has a fake ID.]
Friend: “We’re getting into that club.”
Me: “We’re not 21 and we don’t have fake IDs. How is that going to happen?”
Friend: “Because I have a plan. It’s awesome. Just watch.”
[We approach the bouncer at the door.]
Bouncer: “IDs, please.”
Friend: “Just let us in.”
[That was his entire plan. Needless to say, it didn’t work.]