Next Time Just Lie In

| St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Popular, Roommates

(On the weekend before finals, the professors take over the campus cafeteria and host a Late-Night Breakfast where they cook food from 8 to 10 pm for students. It’s free and doesn’t even cost a meal ticket. The only other late-night food option on campus is [Restaurant], where you have to pay for sandwiches. I go to the Late-Night Breakfast, eat some good food, and hang out with friends. Around 9:15, I go back to my dorm and find my roommate studying. We were friends before we roomed together, but we haven’t been doing very well as roommates and have said some pretty hurtful things to each other throughout the semester. Our friendship is on pretty rocky ground, but we’ve been getting along lately… or so I thought.)

Me: “Hey, Late-Night Breakfast is going on at the cafe right now.”

Roommate: “Late-Night Breakfast? What is that?”

Me: “Where the professors cook breakfast? It’s free. You’d better hurry, though, ’cause they’re going to stop soon.”

(My roommate seems pleased and curious. 15 or so minutes later, she leaves the room. She soon returns with a box of food that I immediately recognize as something from [Restaurant]. To get to [Restaurant], my roommate would have walked in the opposite direction from the cafeteria.)

Me: *confused* “Hey… did you go by the cafe? You could have gotten free food there…”

Roommate: *freezes, then says coldly* “There is no Late-Night Breakfast. You always lie to me, [My Name].”

Me: *disappointed* “You didn’t even look, did you?”

Roommate: “I didn’t need to. I knew you were lying.”

Falling Context

| Athens, Greece | Bizarre/Silly, Overheard, Popular

(I overhear a stranger on the phone as I walk to a seat.)

Stranger: “Did I tell you to fall? I didn’t tell you to fall. So why did you fall?”

(As people don’t generally fall on purpose or on command, I do wonder about the context. The only way I can make any sense of it is if she was giving instructions for a video game.)

Playing Hunger Games With You

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am meeting with a group of friends at a local bistro. Since it is a weekday afternoon, I go straight there after work. By the time I arrive, I am famished since I had to take an early lunch break because of shifts and schedules. We all get seated and place our orders; half of us order various signature pasta dishes.)

Waitress: “Here are your orders.” *puts the plates down in front of us*

Me: “Excuse me. This isn’t the one I ordered. I ordered the one with chicken.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry.” *she picks up the plate* “I’ll take this back and make sure you get the right order.” *she leaves*

Friend: *sitting directly across from me* “Oh, this pasta dish is so good! I didn’t order chicken, but this chicken is so delicious!”

Me: *at that point, I realize the waitress had accidentally switched our orders* “That was the dish I ordered.”

Friend: “Really? Oh, but this is so good. And I am so hungry! I’m just going to continue eating this. It tastes SO good!”

(There’s little else I can do at this point since she already had her fork in it other than watch her eat my food and brag about how good it tasted while I listen to my stomach growl.)

Friend: “I should have ordered this instead. It’s wonderful, and I am SO hungry! I’m definitely ordering it next time! It’s SO GOOD!”

(By the time my meal came, everyone else had finished eating.)

Nefertiti The Scribe

| Long Island, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, History, Popular

(I am at the laundromat, reading a book while waiting for my clothes to finish. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Oh! What are you reading?”

Me: “It’s about the history of ancient Egypt.”

Customer: “Oooh, is it an autobiography?”

Just Keep Drinking…

| Burnaby, BC, Canada | Movies & TV, Popular

(My friend and I are waiting in the incredibly long line back to town from our university campus. This happens as we are chatting. My friend has recently downsized from a house to a small condo, and I’ve had a specific housewarming gift in mind for her for well over a month now, but I have yet to actually buy it.)

Friend: *singing under her breath* “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”

Me: “Oh, that reminds me, I wanted to get you a housewarming present.”

Friend: “Don’t! Do you have any idea how much stuff we had to get rid of to fit in the new place? I had to give away a whole shelf of mugs—”

Me: *interrupting* “Can I get you a mug with a picture of Dory and ‘just keep swimming’ on it?”

Friend: “Oh, my god, yes!”