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Fandom Gone Rogue

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Geeks Rule, Popular

(This is a conversation between Friend #1, who is a Trekkie, and my husband and me, in the movie theater before ‘Rogue One’ begins…)

Friend #1: “Okay there are Trekkies, Browncoats, Whovians… What do you call Star Wars fans… Nerfherders?”

Husband: “Until you have a television serial and a bunch of rabid fans takes over the dorm TV room on a weekly basis and piss people off, you don’t get a named fandom.”

Friend #1: “Yeah, but how do they refer to themselves even?”

Me: *waves hand while looking intently at [Friend #1]* “Our fandom does not NEED a label. Move along.”

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Providing All Sorts Of Aid

| Austria | Coworkers, Health & Body, Popular

(I’m volunteering and badly cut a finger while hanging clothes. I go to the main office, and the first idle person I find is a psychologist I’ve never spoken with before. They are usually busy counseling people who fled from war zones.)

Me: “Hi! Sorry to bother you with trivial stuff, but do you happen to have a bandage?”

Psychologist: *jokingly* “Wonderful, something meaningful for me to do! I can finally apply my degree for the first time today!”

Me: “Yeah, this is obviously a cry for help. My sub-consciousness must have decided that I needed to hurt myself once my skin encountered the manic thrill of touching a coat hanger.”

Psychologist: “Perfect. A challenge. Attempted suicide by self-mutilation.”

(She hands me a bandage.)

Psychologist: “It’s nice to know that my full expertise can be applied to such a demanding case.”

Me: “Thank you for taming my bloodthirsty inner demon!”

(We joked some more, and once I went back to sorting clothes, I tried to be more careful than before. An hour later, however, I managed to cut myself again. Too scared to return to the office and risk making the psychologist worry for real, I worked the rest of the day stitched up with packing tape.)

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Doesn’t Recognise The Problem

| Geneva, Switzerland | Bad Behavior, Bizarre/Silly

Friend: “Hey, let’s go eat at [Restaurant]. I’ll introduce you to [Unusual Name], my

godfather’s stepdaughter. You two will get on famously!”

Me: *after checking out that person on Facebook* “Oh, I met someone named like that a few years ago when we both had babies, and we didn’t get on at all. I bet it’s her. This might be awkward.”

(Come the day of the lunch. I decide not to say anything about knowing the girl if she doesn’t recognize me. Sure enough, my friend is late and I’m stuck with the girl making conversation for 20 minutes or so. She doesn’t recognize me at all. Suddenly my friend arrives and immediately says:)

Friend: “Hey! So isn’t Geneva small? You two meet again after all these years. Isn’t it funny!?”

(Aaaaaand, cue the awkwardness…)

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Needs More Train-ing

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses, Popular, Transportation

(I’ve made plans to go to a convention with my family. I have paid almost NO attention to details of the trip except for when we will go and how we will get there.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], I’m going on a train ride!”

Manager: “That’s great. Where are you going?”

Me: “I have no idea… but we’re going on a train! It’s gonna be fun!”

(After that, I sheepishly asked my mom where we were actually going. She got a kick out of the story with my manager.)

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Said With Surgical Weirdness

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly

(My friend and I are texting. It’s probably 1:30 am – 2:00 am, so both of us are extremely tired and are at that point when you’re tired that you say crazy things. This happens:)

Friend: “Snakes will rule the world!”

Friend: “Along with surgeons.”