You Can Just Go And Shovel It!

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Lazy/Unhelpful, Neighbours, Popular

(My husband and I live in a freehold townhouse and share a wide driveway with the unit next to us. The owners moved out in the summer and basically abandoned the house. Until someone moves in, one of our other neighbours, about five units down the street, uses their driveway to park two of their cars. We had a bit of a snowstorm and my husband is out shovelling our half of the driveway. The neighbour’s son, in his 20s, comes over.)

Neighbor’s Son: “Don’t be afraid to shovel this side of the driveway!”

Husband: *stops and stares* “I never shovelled it before, so WHY would I shovel it now?”

Neighbor’s Son: “But we’re parking our cars here now! It needs to be shovelled!”

Husband: “If you want it shoveled, I suggest you shovel it yourself.”

Neighbor’s Son: “Whatever, dude.” *storms away*

(Um, excuse me? Our side of the driveway alone is long and wide. WHY would someone just assume that we would double the workload for something that is not our problem nor would it benefit us?? Especially a 20-something asking my 50-year-old husband! Needless to say, no one has shovelled that half of the driveway and right now it’s an icy lawsuit waiting to happen. But our side is clean as a whistle.)

They’re Being Annoying In Concert

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Popular, Strangers, Wild & Unruly

(My husband and I are invited to go with a few friends to a local concert venue for a show. We’ve never been there, but we know it is a small, standing room-only venue with elevated “VIP” seating in the very back for people who wanted to pay a little more to have a chair. We’re all standing along one wall that happens to join with the VIP area, and there are three *very* drunk, 40-ish-year-old women sitting behind us.)

Drunk Woman #1: *leans down and asks one of our friends* “Are you having fun?”

Friend: “Yes, thank you!”

Drunk Woman #1: “So are we!”

Drunk Women #2 & #3: “WOO!”

(This goes on periodically throughout the show, which we don’t mind, but then Drunk Woman #3 takes a sudden liking to my husband and me. She actually got my attention by reaching down and using one of her long, fake fingernails to tap the top of my head.)

Me: *jumping* “Holy s***!”

Husband: “What’s wrong?”

Drunk Woman #3: *fingernails still very close to my face* “I just wanted to say you two are such a CUTE couple!”

Me: “Uh… thanks.”

(We try to keep watching the show, but she does this TWO MORE TIMES! I know she was just being happy-drunk-friendly, but I don’t care who you are; if you want someone’s attention don’t dig your fingernail into their scalp. It’s rude and not a place people typically like to be touched. I didn’t want to start an argument with a drunk person, so we just moved down the wall a little bit to get out of her reach. Things were going all right after that, until the finale of the show when Drunk Woman #3 starts screaming at the top of her lungs: “I LOVE YOU [MUSIC ARTIST]!!!” over and over. Thankfully, we’ve already decided to duck out a few minutes early to beat the traffic, so we leave. On the drive home, I see my husband out of the corner of my eye reaching his hand over like he’s going to tap the top of my head.)

Me: “Don’t even think about it!”

Husband: *laughs* “Come on!”

Me: “Do it, and I won’t stop at the taco truck on the way home.”

(He kept his fingernails off my head, and we had excellent tacos before heading home for the night.)

To Save Your Soul She Will Take Your Sanity

| UK | Popular, Religion, Roommates

(I have OCD which manifests in an obsession with the number 6. I’m in my first year at university and staying in halls of residence. One of my flatmates notices that I keep the lock on my kitchen cabinet defaulted to ‘6 6 6’ when locked. It’s ridiculously early when she knocks on my door. Up to this point she has never given any inclination that she is religious.)

Flatmate: “Just to let you know, the lock on your cupboard has 666 on it!”

Me: “I know; it’s deliberate.”

Flatmate: “But, that’s the devil’s number. You have to change it!”

Me: “I’m atheist so I don’t really care about it in that regard, and my OCD doesn’t allow me to do that. Otherwise it feels like the lock doesn’t work.”

Flatmate: “But, the devil will—“

Me: “Like I said, atheist. The superstitious side to that number doesn’t bother me, my own convoluted sanity permitting. Anyway, it’s my lock, not yours.”

(She gives me a disgusted look and walks back to her room, mumbling what I recognise to be the Lord’s prayer. Over the next couple of days whenever I use the kitchen I notice the numbers on the lock have changed. It does trigger my anxiety, but it’s a quick fix. I haven’t seen my flatmate since then but make a note to speak to her about it. The next time I’m in the kitchen she comes in, heads straight to my lock, and changes it again.)

Me: “[Flatmate], could you please not do that?”

Flatmate: “I have to. I’m saving your soul! You may as well be letting a demon into you, having such a satanic symbol on there.” *taking something out of her bag* “And here, I got this for you. We can save you together.”

(She presents a bible to me.)

Me: “I already own a bible from when I was at Catholic school. I’m not interested, sorry. But I am begging you, please leave my things alone. My lock and cupboard have absolutely nothing to do with you. I’m not telling you to change because of my beliefs, so I expect the same.”

(At this she takes out a crucifix necklace and taps me my hand with it.)

Flatmate: “You aren’t taken yet, so there’s still time. I’m going to be wearing this at all times from now on, and making this whenever I see you.” *making a cross with her fingers* “If you’re going to resist the will of the Lord, I need to be protected.”

(I was not pleased, and she continued to change my lock every time she went in the kitchen. My school work began to decline as my brain began to obsess over and over about her changing my lock, leading me to run out of my room whenever I hear a door open or close, or sprint back to my halls after lectures, expecting the lock to be changed. My other flatmates told me they were noticing a change in me and offered to help. We tried different locks with keys, but it didn’t help. My brain was stuck on that specific lock and that specific number being the only combination keeping my cupboard secure. After about a month I was racing home between lectures to check, only to find the lock was open. I wondered for a second if I forgot to lock it, but when I opened the cupboard I saw a cross and bottle of holy water on the top shelf. My flatmate must have unlocked it when changing it and decided to “protect it” or whatever. This was the last straw for me and I put in a complaint about the conditions I was living in. Coincidentally, she also made a complaint, about the continual noise I was making, opening and closing doors throughout the night, every night. We went to a hearing in the student union to sort things about, and my other flatmates decided to support me. We explained the situation and our representative is surprised by the lengths our flatmate went to, to “save me.” The complaint against me was ignored after taking into considering my mental illness and the circumstances exacerbating it. The only solution we came up with is for one of us to move out. I volunteered, but our rep decides that our flatmate move out, after seeing which side my other flatmates chose to take. I still see her on campus from time to time, wearing the necklace and making a cross with her fingers whenever she sees me. Now I’m just thankful she didn’t find out I’m gay as well!)

Flash Of Truth

| LA, USA | Games, Gatherings, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Popular

(One of my friends is extremely outgoing and flashes her boobs as a means to distract people when they are arguing. My husband, I, she, and her husband are all playing Cards Against Humanity. Our husbands are arguing over the winning card in a particular hand. She flashes the guys, but neither pays any attention to her. Instead the cat, which had been sitting next to her, reaches over and puts a paw on her shirt, pulling it back down.)

Friend: *burst out laughing* “I’ve flashed you all so much even the cat is telling me to put them away.”

(She and I laughed as our husbands continued arguing, oblivious to what just happened.)

The Real Boss Is The Four-Year-Old

| Norway | Family & Kids, Popular

(I’ve recently started working in a small theatre. Only me (in my twenties) and my boss (in his late thirties) are employed on a regular basis; everyone else is just hired for each project. One day my boss’ four-year-old daughter is there with us. I take care of her as her father goes to a different floor.)

Four-Year-Old: “Who’s the boss here, you or my dad?”

Me: “Your dad is my boss. He’s everyone’s boss here.”

Four-Year-Old: “No way! He can’t be the boss of [One of the Actors on a current project, in his fifties]! He is the boss of everything; he’s definitely my dad’s boss!”

(I told the actor what she had said and he was super pleased and said he’d always known the four-year-old was very smart.)