Diverging Hungers Of Twilight Awakens

| USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(My friend really enjoys the books & films of the Twilight, Divergent, & Hunger Games series. I on the other hand prefer Star Wars, which she has never seen but she still hates it. After “The Force Awakens” came out she overheard me talking about it with one of our Sunday School students.)

Friend: “Seriously? Another Star Wars movie? Aren’t they done yet? How many books ARE there?”

Me: “Um, [Friend]… the movies came out first. They aren’t based on books.”

(She just groaned and face-planted on the table like the world was ending. The student got a good chuckle from watching that exchange. We do get along well, though, ‘cause we both like “Lord of the Rings.”)

An Argument For The Separation Of Church And State

| Richardson, TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Non-Dialogue, Religion

This took place a few years ago when the Fourth of July, the day the United States celebrates its founding, fell on a Sunday. Every year our church hosts a different young minister from England as a staff intern for several months, and on this particular Sunday the new minister and his wife have just arrived and are introduced from the pulpit. And right after their introduction? The congregation stood and sang “My Country ‘Tis of Thee.” Most everyone seemed oblivious, but to me it was a bit awkward that our guests were being “treated” to their own national anthem, “God Save the Queen,” with American lyrics.

I quickly scanned the worship service bulletin, hoping that was the end of the awkwardness. It was not. I was mortified to see that the church organist had selected a patriotic march to play at the end of the service: John Philip Sousa’s “Liberty Bell March.” Yes, our British visitors’ first American church service ended with the theme to “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”!

Should Have Gone With Your Saved Answer

| Columbus, OH, USA | Popular, Religion

(I am at my home church, which is very informal. The pastor has just finished a sermon on grace through faith.)

Pastor: “I don’t want to see anyone go to Hell! Do you want to see anyone go to Hell?”

Church Goer: *thoughtfully* “Hmm, now, that’s a tough one.”

Getting Them To Understand Is A Chore

| Seattle, WA, USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Popular, Schoolmates

(Back in high school I was on a college prep track, so I was very busy, but I made time to volunteer at a local soup kitchen. This is from a conversation with a fellow volunteer. We are on the topic of honoring our parents.)

Volunteer: “Do you help your mother around the house?”

Me: “I certainly try to, but I don’t get done with homework until late. By the time I can help out, there’s not much to do.”

Volunteer: “You should help your mom with more around the house. It’s important to do what your mom wants.”

Me: “I agree. That’s why I prioritize my homework. My mom wants me to go to college, and she understands that that means I’m too busy to help with chores. If I chose doing chores over my homework, I wouldn’t pass my classes, which would disrespect all the hard work she does.”

Volunteer: “You should surprise your mom by doing chores!”

(I gave up.)

Many People Have Bled For Religion

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Popular, Religion

(I was born Christian, but around high school, I realized I didn’t believe in any kind of god. I told my mother, who is usually an accepting women. She went crazy. For the next four years she forced me to go to church until I moved out. This happens a few months before I left. It’s Wednesday Night Bible Study and I’m on my heaviest period yet and am on my last pad until I get home. I have bled through my pants and have gotten it on the white folding chair.)

Youth Teacher: *is ending the night by talking how we need to communicate with God all the time in order to strengthen our connection to him*

(I’m not paying attention. I am just waiting for everyone to leave, so I can clean the chair and leave. I’m so busy formulating a plan that I don’t notice an eighth grader pulling my chair up from under me until I’m on the floor. My face is redder than the seat as everyone starts laughing.)

Eighth Grader: “She’s peed her pants and it’s red.”

Tenth Grader: “[My Name], how stupid are you? Don’t you know you need to wear pads when you bleed?”

Eleventh Grader: “Clearly not.” *sees my face* “Oh, God, look. She’s going to cry. She can’t even control her emotions.”

(I run out the room and head straight for the bathroom, where I proceed to lock myself in. About thirty minutes later I hear a knock on the door. It’s my mom. I open the door and she hands me a heavy duty pad from her purse, along with everything I left in the classroom.)

Mom: “You can be an atheist if you want. Heck, I’ll even join you.”

(Turned out the teacher told my mom what happened. My mom yelled at class for bullying me. Neither of us went back to that church. She found another one, and I stayed home and looked for places to live. This was the time she was understanding of why I’m an atheist. She is still trying to make me believe.)

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