A Cautionary Tale

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Popular, Transportation

(In my group of friends, I am the most cautious. Despite being able to see the entire lot, entrances and all, I look both ways before crossing from the gas pumps to the store. My friend is going in to get some snacks, and rolls his eyes when I stop to look both ways. We’re both in our early 20s at the time.)

Friend: “I can’t believe how paranoid you are all the time. You can see everything here! It’s safe.”

(As he starts to cross, I throw my arm in front of him.)

Friend: “Don’t give me that. It’s sa—”

(Just as he was saying that, a car sped into the lot, right in front of us, and screeches into a spot across from the gas pump on the other side.)

Friend: “How the h*** did you know a car was coming from that way? It’s all woods back there!”

Me: “It’s called ‘listening’ and knowing the only way out from that way is either here or the street that crosses. 50/50 chance, but I like to think everyone in a two-ton vehicle is an idiot and trust none.”

(My friends never bothered saying anything about my caution after that.)

Hasn’t ‘Laid’ Down The Law

| AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I’m in a convenience store getting a drink. A small boy, maybe four years old, and his mom are beside me.)

Kid: *loudly* “MOOOOM. What did it mean when you told [Aunt] that you got laid last night?”

Mom: “That wasn’t a conversation for you. I’ll explain when you are older.”

Kid: *starts running around the store telling everyone* “My mom got laid last night. She had orgasms!”

Could Not ‘State’ It Any Clearer

| Rose Lake, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Popular, Transportation, Travel

(It is winter. I have newspaper route and while waiting for my papers, I run into a lady trying to get to a resort on the Idaho-Montana state line.)

Me: “Where are you trying to get to?”

Lady: “Lookout Pass.”

Me: “You need to go back eastbound to Montana about 50 miles.”

Lady: “I’m in Montana.”

Me: “No, you are in Rose Lake, Idaho.”

Lady: “No, I haven’t gone that far.”

Me: “Didn’t you see the ‘Welcome to Idaho’ sign? Or the Wallace, or Kellogg city signs?”

Lady: “No, there wasn’t any “Welcome to Idaho” sign and Wallace and Kellogg are in Montana.”

Me: “Do you know where you are now?”

Lady: “Yes, Rose Lake, Montana. Lady, you have no clue where you are nor do you have no clue on how to give directions.”

(At that point I just gave up and just left her.)

Montessori Prison Service

| Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Overheard

(I am waiting in line behind two people who are old friends that ran into each other. They’re catching up.)

Friend: “Well, [Guy] had a baby and went to jail… I mean [Guy], not the baby…”

Don’t Bet Your Bottom Dollar On Them

| TX, USA | Money, Popular, Strangers

(I have just gotten home from school and I had a pretty rough day, so I decide to use the $20 that my mother had given me a while ago to buy some snacks. While I’m walking down the street to the store, I see three men who look like high-schoolers. I only have one $20 bill.)

Guy #1: “Hey, excuse me but do you have a dollar I could have?”

Me: *looking back but still walking* “No, I’m sorry but I don’t.”

Guy #2: “Do you have 25¢?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

(At this point they give up and begin to walk along however they’re still staring at me as I walk up to the store. I’m about to go inside when one of them shouts at me.)

Guy #1: “I thought you didn’t have a dollar!”

Me: *slightly annoyed* “I don’t! I have twenty!”

(They finally leave the area and I purchase my snacks, I’m almost to my apartment complex when see them again, glancing at me. The same guy asks me again.)

Guy #1: “Now do you have a dollar?”

(At this point I am fed up this these three.)

Me: *annoyed* “Yes, I do, but after that do you really think I’m going to give you one?!”

(As I headed inside I could see them hanging their heads in shame, walking away embarrassedly. Needless to say, I think they learned something that day! )

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