Will Sprain That Knee From Jumping To All Those Conclusions

, | Nassau County, NY, USA | Health & Body, Strangers

(My friend and I are waiting for the elevator in my dorm with a couple of athletic guys. It comes, and we get on, and I push the button for the second floor.)

Guy: *to his friend* “Oooh, looks like SOMEBODY is lazy.”

Me: “Actually, SOMEBODY just got off crutches for a nasty knee sprain yesterday, and SOMEBODY is under orders from her doctor to stay off it as much as possible and avoid stairs. But it does sound like SOMEBODY ELSE likes to jump to conclusions.”

Guy: “…Sorry.”

Try Some Spew-ghetti

, | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Dorms, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(One of my friends was at my residence house one night, very drunk, and puked on our porch. We poured water on it to wash it away, but all of the… well, chunks, remained. I am with two of my classmates and we are walking back to my residence house so that we can work on a project. One of my classmates stops the other one before we go inside.)

Classmate #1: “WAIT! You can’t come in unless you can guess what [My Name]’s friend had for dinner last night!”

Classmate #2: “Huh? How would I know—” *he looks down and sees the left over puke and immediately looks away* “EW! OH, MY GOD, LASAGNA!”

Dawn Of The Bread

, | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Holidays, Popular

(I’m staying at the university halls of residence with one other man and three women. It’s coming up to Halloween and we’re all talking about what we should do for a party.)

Woman #1: “We should decorate. You can do those paper folding things.”

Me: “It’s called origami, and I could.”

Woman #2: “We should do jelly shots, and bobbing for apples.”

Woman #3: “What will you do, [Man]?”

Man: “Maybe raise the dead…”

(We all rolled our eyes as he’s always been a bit strange. Fast forward two weeks and I got an email from him, in between lectures. It was titled ‘Raising the dead.’ I was slightly worried as this was the first email he had ever sent to me, but when I opened it there is a video to download with the only words in the email saying “Our little secret.” The video was of our oven with a tray of cake mix and several miniature zombies and skeletons resting in it. The video was sped up so they quite literally rise in about half a minute. It was the most random thing I’ve ever received and it tickled me for the rest of the day. We’re still good friends, but he has yet to tell me why it had to be a secret, and why he only sent it to me.)

Bed Wetter

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Roommates

(I return to my dorm room mid-morning to find my roommate and her boyfriend there. He looks exhausted.)

Roommate: “Oh, hey, [My Name], is it okay if [Boyfriend] sleeps in your bed? The sprinklers malfunctioned in his room and woke him up, and his bed is all wet.”

Me: “Erm – can’t he sleep in YOUR bed?”

Roommate: “I just washed all the blankets and he’s kinda wet still, see?”

Me: “No. Just… no. Sorry, [Boyfriend].”

(I had been planning to go to the library, but instead I crawled on to my bed to work to make sure she didn’t stick him in it as soon as I left!)

The New Dorm-al

| Louisville, KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Dorms, Popular

(I recently moved into a student apartment in the middle of the year. I had heard rumors that the girls who used to live there were kicked out after getting busted during a crazy night of sex and drugs. I’m woken up on a Saturday morning to a knock on the door. I open it up to find some guy standing there. Since I just woke up, I’m only wearing an undershirt and a pair of boxers.)

Me: “Uh… Hello?”

Guy: “Hey, is [Girl] here?”

Me: “Um… sorry. She doesn’t live here anymore.”

Guy: “Oh. Okay.” *leaves*

(The fact that he didn’t look the least bit surprised to find some strange guy in his underwear answering the door of what he thought was a girl’s room seemed to confirm the rumors.)

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