Getting Into A Blood Debt

| Lakewood, CO, USA | Health & Body, Popular, Strangers

(I’m between jobs. To make some extra cash until I get back to work I go to a plasma donation center. While in the waiting room another person there is going up to everyone asking if they have any extra cigarettes. He gets to the person next to me.)

Other Donor: “Man, we are all here to sell our f***ing blood. If any of us can afford cigarettes I doubt we’d want to bum them to strangers!”

(The entire waiting room laughed while the guy’s face turned red before he slunk back to his seat.)


Shouldn’t Be Saying This

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Language & Words, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am in a therapy appointment, and we’re talking about my tendency to say that I ‘should’ do things, which leads to guilt and procrastination.)

Therapist: So, when people ‘should’ themselves, it makes things even worse. You need to stop ‘shoulding’ yourself. In fact, this week, your homework is going to be to keep track of how many times you ‘should’ yourself, and to work on ‘shoulding’ yourself as little as possible.”

Me: *starts giggling*

Therapist: “What…?”

Me: *still laughing* “You, uh… you just might want to find a different way of saying that. It sounds… well, it kind of sounds like you’re saying ‘shi*ting yourself.’ I’m sorry. I’m being so childish but…” *I dissolve into giggles, unable to talk anymore*

Therapist: *starts laughing uncontrollably as well* “Well, you shouldn’t be doing that either!”

Start Spreading The News, She’s Leaving Today

| Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Strangers

(My brother (18) and I (15) are in the doctor’s office waiting for our appointments. There is an elderly lady and a boy who looks like her grandson. Thanks to my dad, who is a big fan of AC/DC, Rolling Stones, and other famous bands and singers, I’ve grown up with 60s-90s music. As result I prefer that music over any other type. I have my headphones on and I am nodding to a catchy part of a song.)

Woman: *to the little boy* “Look at this teenager listening to heavy metal or whatever they call it. Don’t ever end up like that.”

(I hear what she says.)

Me: *unplugging my headphones revealing that I am listening to Frank Sinatra* “I’m sorry, were you talking to me?”

(The woman looked embarrassed as everyone in the office heard her and my response. She got up and left, taking the little boy with her.)

Busting About Your Bust

, | Stockholm, Sweden | Bizarre/Silly, Health & Body

(I’m studying to become a physiotherapist. We have a clinic at the school where students give discounted treatments. As a bonus, if there is a slot available, students can get treatments for free. I’m getting a massage from a girl in my class, Friend #1, and another friend of mine from class, Friend #2, is tagging along as he doesn’t have a patient at the moment. The school clinic is not very soundproof as we give treatments in little booths, so conversations can easily be overheard. I have been lying on my stomach and Friend #1 has asked me to turn over and lie on my back.)

Friend #1: “Wow, [My Name], your breasts are really big!”

Me: “Uhh, okay…”

Friend #1: “No, but just look at them. They´re HUGE!”

Me: “Um, well, I guess they are…”

Friend #1: “I mean, you´re lying on your back, and they still point upwards! Mine always fall to the sides!”

Me: “Yeah, okay…”

(Friend #2 is getting visibly embarrassed and is trying to get Friend #1 to talk in a lower voice by shushing her.)

Friend #1: *to [Friend #2]* “But just look at them!”

Me: “Can we please talk about anything besides my breasts?!”

Friend #1: “But they’re so big!”

(Suddenly we hear the student and patient from the next booth laughing hysterically, obviously from hearing our ‘conversation.’)

Friend #1: *to the other booth* “It’s okay! We know each other!”

Me: “Okay, maybe we can talk about something else now, so that people won’t think that we’re crazy here at [School]?”

Friend #1: “But they’re so big!”

Bridging The Technology Generation Gap

| IL, USA | Family & Kids, Strangers, Technology

(I’m the office manager at a tiny doctor’s office – it’s I and the doctor. There’s a patient who has brought in her grandson. He’s not too young, but he looks super bored. The grandmother is sitting next to him, after briefly chatting with me, and she’s waiting patiently. Note that I’m 26 years old.)

Me: “So, young man, what grade are you in?”

Kid: “Sixth.”

Me: “And what is it that sixth graders like? It’s probably changed since I was your age.”

(The grandmother smirks.)

Kid: “Well, I play football. And technology.”

(I know nothing about football, but I know a bit about tech – probably more than him.)

Me: “So what kind of technology, then?”

Kid: “Um. I like my PS3 and YouTube.”

Me: “Cool! You play games! What kind of stuff do you watch on YouTube?”

Kid: *kind of rolling his eyes* “There’s this guy who records himself playing games. You probably haven’t heard of him. He’s got, like, thirty million viewers.”

(I say the name of the guy he’s talking about, with a huge grin on my face.)

Kid: *aghast* “NO WAY. YOU KNOW [NAME]?!”

Me: “Psht, of course I do! I’m one of those thirty million viewers! Have you heard of…”

(The conversation continues on in this vein, with the kid wide-eyed at everything I know, until after his grandmother has been in with the doctor. They’re about to leave…)

Kid: “Hey, thanks so much!”

Me: “No problem! See ya next time!”

Doctor: “What was that about?”

Me: “That kid just made my day, and I think I made his.”

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