(One of my jobs is part time at a store that sells card games and board games. We get a lot of kids on certain nights for one card game. Anyway, it’s my day off, and my friends and I are going to a movie. I’m in line to get tickets and a kid that comes into our store pretty often (who is also a total brat) spies me and comes up to me. I am usually nice at the store and I’m trying to be nice now.)
Kid: “You’re a b****!”
Me: *caught off guard* “Excuse me?”
Kid: *smugly* “You’re a b****.”
Me: *smiling and trying to be kind, because I’m in a public place* “I know I am but what are you?”
(It takes a second but this confuses the kid.)
Kid: “Wait, no, it’s ‘I know you are but what am I?’”
Me: “That’s what I just said.”
(The kid screwed up his face and looked like he was trying to figure it out, but it was my turn to get tickets and I completely ignored him as my friends and I went into the theater. The next week the kid came into the store, froze when he saw me, and did not speak to me for the entire time he was in the store!)
The movie is over and I need to pee. The men’s restroom is full and the lines for the urinals are about seven deep.
Except for one.
You know the one. The one set about a foot lower for the kids. Everyone is looking at it, but nobody is willing to use it. I’m the sort of person who talks in elevators. I guess it’s up to me.
I stand in front of it. Relief.
Boom! Line six deep behind me. But I’m out without waiting. Fortune favors those who are not shy.
(This is a conversation between Friend #1, who is a Trekkie, and my husband and me, in the movie theater before ‘Rogue One’ begins…)
Friend #1: “Okay there are Trekkies, Browncoats, Whovians… What do you call Star Wars fans… Nerfherders?”
Husband: “Until you have a television serial and a bunch of rabid fans takes over the dorm TV room on a weekly basis and piss people off, you don’t get a named fandom.”
Friend #1: “Yeah, but how do they refer to themselves even?”
Me: *waves hand while looking intently at [Friend #1]* “Our fandom does not NEED a label. Move along.”
(My friend and I have just seen the movie ‘Interstellar.’ We are walking out of the cinema next to a couple of people. The male figure speaks up)
Guy: “I absolutely hated Interstellar. I HATE SciFi/space movies!”
Me: *to my friend* “Then why the hell did he come see ‘Interstellar’? What did he think it was going to be about?”
(I am at the cinema, waiting for the movie to start. In the row in front of me are two young girls.)
Girl #1: “I hope this movie is going to be better than the last one I watched. I didn’t like it at all.”
Girl #2: “Which one?”
Girl #1: “That Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Two Holy Towers.”
(I have to bite my hand so I don’t laugh out loud.)
Girl #2: “The last one I watched was the one with all the cars.”
Girl #1: “Transformers?”
Girl #2: “No, the other one.”
Girl #1: “Transporter?”
Girl #2: “Yes, that one.”
(I really wanted them to keep talking; it was so much fun! But then the movie started. What a shame.)