A Desolate Friendship

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Funny Names, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(My friend and I are at the movies. I am really obsessed with the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, but my friend is not. In fact, we are in an ongoing argument about Smaug’s name. She thinks it is like ‘Smog’, while it is actually like ‘Smowg’. We see a trailer for The Hobbit.)

Friend: “Oh, look! It’s more than just ‘Smog’s eye in this one!”

Me: “I swear to God, [Friend], if you don’t get his d*** name right I will get him to hunt you down and kill you.”

Friend: *pauses* “You’re dangerous.”

I Marvel At Your Chauvinism

| CT, USA | Bigotry, Geeks Rule, Strangers

(I am a 17-year-old girl, and have been a huge comic fan since I was about 12. A friend and I decide to see ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ together in full cosplay just for the h*** of it, but he bails at the last minute. I’m dressed as Black Widow, and as I’m standing in line for popcorn a guy wearing an Iron Man t-shirt approaches me.)

Guy: “Hey, where’s your boyfriend?”

Me: “Uh… what? I don’t have a boyfriend. Actually—”

Guy: “Lol, then who paid you to dress up like that?”

(Yes, he actually said ‘lol’ out loud.)

Me: “Nobody paid me. Natasha’s my favorite Marvel character, so I thought it’d be fun to cosplay her.”

Guy: “Yeah, right. I bet you only watch the movies because of all the hot guys.”

(By now, it’s my turn at the counter. As I’m trying to order, the guy keeps pestering me.)

Guy: “You fake geek girls are so f****** pathetic. You just want the D. Hey! Hey, b****, are you listening?”

(The (female) cashier looks at me, then at the guy, and sees what’s going on.)

Cashier: *to me* “Hey! Nice cosplay! What’s that from, the civil war ‘verse?”

Me: “Yeah! Good spotting!”

Cashier: “Here’s your popcorn, Miss Romanov. Enjoy the movie.”

(Later, after the movie, I saw the guy leave the theatre as soon as the credits started rolling, when every fan knows that Marvel movies always put extra scenes at the end of the closing credits. Who’s the fake geek now?)

Won’t Make Eye Contact After This

| WI, USA | Movies & TV, Strangers

(I’m with my friends at the movies. As I’m looking at the featured attractions I can’t help but frown as most of the movies only have a 3D version and no normal version.)

Me: “I wish that they would at least have non-3D versions of all the movies playing, too. My dad wants to see a lot of them but can’t enjoy them because of the 3D.”

Moviegoer: *in front of us looks to me and sneers* “Your dad needs to get with the times. If he HATES 3D movies then he should just wait for the DVD release then and stop his moaning. But he just hates it because it ‘new and hip.’ And why should you complain? You a daddy’s girl? Gotta protect your daddy?”

Me: “Excuse you. I never said he hated 3D—”

Moviegoer: “Then why wouldn’t he want to go, huh?!”

Me: “Because, jerk, he’s blind in his left eye. The 3D effects do nothing for him—”

Moviegoer: “Tch! The glasses—”

Me: “THOSE glasses don’t work either! It just makes the movie darker for him and if he takes them off it’s all blurry because of the 3D effect.”

Moviegoer: “But—”

Me: “And I NEVER said he hated them. He will still go and see them, but they’re not as fun for him.”

Moviegoer: “Uh—”

Me: “So next time you assume that just because somebody is older than you and may not like something; it’s not because their old and can’t ‘move with the times.’ It could be a legit problem, d***. Now, if you’ll excuse us, YOU’RE in our way. Move it!”

Moviegoer: *goes red and scurries away*

Friend: “You know… I wanted to smack him so hard… but I think you smacking him down like that was much better.”

Leave Him To Lick His Wounds

| Germany | Rude & Risque

(A friend of mine and I are in the cinema while the coming attractions are running. In the row before ours, there are a couple of cute girls, which I know will mean my friend will make a fool of himself sooner or later. Following the ice cream ad, the ice cream lady comes around.)

Ice Cream Lady: “Do you want some ice cream?”

My Friend: “No, I’m going to lick something else later.”

(The girls in front of us fall abruptly silent as they hear it, and I have had enough.)

Me: “Stop bragging. You’re not flexible enough!”

(The girls start laughing while my friend curses my guts!)

Bigotry Has It’s Uses

| IL, USA | Best Friends, Bigotry, Movies & TV, Top

(I am at the movie theater with my best friend of 12 years. We are both girls. We usually like to sit in the back row but as usual it’s quite filled. We enlist the help of our usual plan to clear out the back row.)

Me: “[Best Friend], why do we always sit in the back at movies?”

Best Friend: “Don’t you remember, [My Name]? It’s so we can make out.” *puts her arm around my shoulder*

(Most of the older adults in the row clear out, leaving only a few teenagers and way more than enough seats for us to sit next to each other.)

Me: “It’s actually pretty sad that saying something like that can clear out an entire row.”

Best Friend: “Yeah, the adults here are pretty closed minded, but, hey, we have the back row mostly to ourselves now!”