Literally No Room For You At The Table

| OH, USA | Gatherings, Ignoring/Inattentive

(After graduating college, I kept in touch with friends from high school. After a school event I was invited to and attended, they invite me to join them for dinner afterwards. I drive alone, and when I arrive at the restaurant, the group is starting to be seated, having never made a reservation for a dozen people. We are split up into a few groups, and one friend decides to arrange the tables herself.)

Friend #1: “Oh, we could move these two together!”

Server: “No, no, leave them.”

(Friend #1 sees me and realizes I tagged along.)

Friend #1: “Oh, [My Name], I forgot you were coming. You can sit with [Friends #2, 3, 4, & 5].”

(These four friends are already seated at a booth that can hold four people.)

Friend #1: “Is it okay if he sits on the end with them?”

Server: “No.”

(The server passes out menus for us and vanishes.)

Friend #1: “Go ahead and sit down.”

(She gives me a chair to place at the end of the table. I reluctantly sit down and look at the menu. Friend #2 and Friend #3 are ignoring the rest of the table because they are dating and cannot stop looking and smiling at each other, while Friend #4 and Friend #5 are talking with each other about a well-known book series, and are ignoring me entirely. At some point, the server returns with a manager.)

Manager: *to me* “Sir, you’re not allowed to sit there. You’re causing a fire hazard, and I know my server has already talked to you about it.”

(I am completely flabbergasted. I am a shy person and have serious trouble dealing with confrontation.)

Me: “So… what d—”

Manager: “You’ll have to move closer, away from the end, or leave.”

(I scoot as close as I can to Friend #3, and bury my face in the menu out of shame.)

Me: *quietly* “I don’t like going to [Restaurant]…”

(The table ignored me for the rest of the night.)

Get A Pizza Him!

| NC, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boyfriend told me this about going out to eat with his sister and nephews. The older child is only three. At the next table is another family with a boy about the same age; when they get their food, he gets upset.)

Other Boy: “I don’t want grilled cheese! I wanted pizza!”

Nephew: *whips around in his seat* “YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY ‘CAUSE THE PIZZA’S FOR ME!”

All-Natural Restaurant

| Vienna, Austria | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am at a nice restaurant, meeting with friends, academics in their late 30s. They have brought their toddler as a surprise, constantly mentioning why I should be thankful for spending time with their special snowflake, on my one evening off from childcare. I step outside for a phone call, and upon my return am greeted by the sight and smell of them changing their son’s diaper on one of the chairs. At the table. In the middle of the restaurant. Surrounded by people trying to enjoy their dinner.)

Me: *entirely horrified* “How on earth could you consider this kind of behavior acceptable?!”

Friend: “The changing area in the restroom was wet. There was only a hand dryer and no paper towels. Besides, it’s completely natural!”

(I refuse to ever meet them in public again.)

Playing Hunger Games With You

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am meeting with a group of friends at a local bistro. Since it is a weekday afternoon, I go straight there after work. By the time I arrive, I am famished since I had to take an early lunch break because of shifts and schedules. We all get seated and place our orders; half of us order various signature pasta dishes.)

Waitress: “Here are your orders.” *puts the plates down in front of us*

Me: “Excuse me. This isn’t the one I ordered. I ordered the one with chicken.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry.” *she picks up the plate* “I’ll take this back and make sure you get the right order.” *she leaves*

Friend: *sitting directly across from me* “Oh, this pasta dish is so good! I didn’t order chicken, but this chicken is so delicious!”

Me: *at that point, I realize the waitress had accidentally switched our orders* “That was the dish I ordered.”

Friend: “Really? Oh, but this is so good. And I am so hungry! I’m just going to continue eating this. It tastes SO good!”

(There’s little else I can do at this point since she already had her fork in it other than watch her eat my food and brag about how good it tasted while I listen to my stomach growl.)

Friend: “I should have ordered this instead. It’s wonderful, and I am SO hungry! I’m definitely ordering it next time! It’s SO GOOD!”

(By the time my meal came, everyone else had finished eating.)

The Long Pole Of The Law

| Manchester, England, UK | Best Friends, Popular

(My best friend and I are visiting an old school friend in another city, and we have gone for lunch with her boyfriend, roommate, and roommate’s boyfriend in the city centre. My friend is a defense barrister, and this happens towards the end of the meal…)

Friend #1: “Right, I need to go to [Place].”

Best Friend: “[Place]?”

Friend 1’s Boyfriend: “She does a weekly pole dancing exercise class.”

Friend #1: “Yeah. It’s only an hour, so if you guys want to go for a pint or something I can meet you after.”

Best Friend: “Sounds good. I’m sure we can find somewhere nearby.”

Me: “Hold up a sec… Does that mean you’ve become a lawyer to put yourself through stripper school?”

(The whole table burst out laughing except Friend #1, who hit me. Worth it for such a good joke.)

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