Allspark Almighty

| USA | Geeks Rule, Holidays

(This conversation takes place over IM, with a friend of mine who lives out of state. Note: my mother collects Nativity sets, while I, being a nerd, collect Transformers figures.)

Me: “We spent all day decorating the house for Christmas. We also counted up all my mom’s Nativity sets. She has at least eleven.”

Friend: “Wow, that’s a lot of Jesuses.”

Me: “Yeah… she said at one point that they should make a Transformers Nativity.”

Friend: “Haha… so who would be Jesus?”

Me: “Probably Rodimus Prime.” *sudden brainstorm* “Or Optimus Prime, seeing as he has experience dying and coming back to life.”


Don’t Give Bees The Finger

| NY, USA | Health & Body, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am chatting with my best friend via IM when I get the following:)

Friend: “I got stung by a bee today.”

Me: “We’ve talked about this. You’re not supposed to do that.”

Friend: “I got stung in a part of me that’s vital for communication.”

Me: *thinks for a moment, then jokingly* “Your middle finger?”

Friend: “Yup!”

(I wasn’t actually expecting that to be the answer!)


More Than Just A Bare-Bones Friendship

| Best Friends, Popular

(My friend works as a manager at a craft store, while I just quit my fast food job. We talk a lot over a website’s IM service and use it to share images.)

Me: “Morning.”

Friend: “Hi. ‘Sup?”

Me: “Just getting ready for school.”

Me: “You?”

(My friend then sends a photo of two black, plastic skeletons on the floor, needing to be hung up.)

Me: “Don’t worry, I have an alibi for you if the police come asking about those missing customers.”


Let’s Skip 2016, Charlie Brown

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Books & Reading, Holidays, Popular

(It’s close to midnight on New Year’s Eve, and my friend is alone at a bar. Unfortunately, because it was short notice, I couldn’t make it out in time, so we’re currently texting each other.)

Me: “Wish you had told me sooner. I would have joined you.”

Friend: “Sorry, man. Last minute decision. I was sleeping. It’s been a s***** year. Maybe I can sleep through 2016, too. I’m feeling a bit Charlie Browinish.”

(He then sends me a picture from “Happy New Year, Charlie Brown” where Charlie was sitting outside by himself with a book.)

Me: “At least you’re not trying to read War and Peace.”

Friend: “Thank you for being the only person I know who would get that reference. Love you, man.”

Me: “Charlie Brown needs a Linus. Happy New Year, buddy.”


Hearing The Little Invoices In Your Head

| The Netherlands | Backhanded Compliments, Money, Popular

(I’ve been struggling with some personal issues and as a result my studies aren’t going so well, so I make an appointment with the study advisor. Afterwards, I’m telling my friend about the appointment.)

Me: “It was really nice to be able to talk to someone and feel like my feelings are valid, you know?”

Friend: “Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, of course we are always here for you to talk to as well, but it’s nice to have a professional.”

Me: “Of course I know you wanna help me, but sometimes it’s really nice to talk to someone who gets paid for it.”

Friend: “Well, you have my bank account number…”

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