Jumping To The Wildest Possible Conclusion
This happened in mid-October when the weather was still nice where I live. I went to our local grocery chain to grab a few things I needed for dinner. I wasn’t using a cart, just a basket. I was wearing a light blue polo, but the store dress code was a dark blue polo with the store logo and khakis. I was wearing jean shorts that in no way were too short but definitely wouldn’t be allowed for any employee of a grocery store
My oldest son, who is three and a half, loves to go to the store and do anything that involves getting out of the house, so I decided to let him tag along and leave his other brother at home with Dad. Grocery trips for us are kind of like our little Mom-and-Son dates, and I usually let him pick out a toy or a treat of some kind. Since outings aren’t happening as often since the [global health crisis], I try to keep things normal and exciting for him.
About twenty minutes into our trip, I had grabbed the few vegetables I needed, and I was just shopping around the canned goods aisle to grab some things I might need in the future. I was putting a can of something back in exchange for a larger version that I didn’t see at first when I heard:
Woman: “MA’AM, I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”
I figured someone was just being an a** to a nearby worker and carried on. Thirty seconds later, the yelling woman grabbed my arm and pulled me around.
Me: “Excuse me! Can I help you?!”
Woman: “I know you heard me! Help me find the molasses now!”
Me: “I don’t work here, clearly, so how about no? And don’t touch me again. As a matter of fact, we’re in a pandemic and you’re not even wearing a mask, so get away from me.”
Woman: “I have COPD! I can’t wear one! Where is your manager?! That’s a violation for you to even ask about my medical condition! Now—” *gesturing to [Son]* “—go find this child’s parents instead of dilly-dallying around, like you’re supposed to, or else I’ll tell the manager you weren’t gonna give this child back!”
I was completely stunned and pissed.
Me: “For one, I didn’t ask about your medical condition; I said to get away from me since you are above health codes. How dare you accuse me of stealing a child?! Again, I don’t work here, lady, and this stolen child happens to be my son. Are you okay?!”
Woman: “Yes, you did! You did ask me, you little b****! I know you’re a little rotten liar who doesn’t want to get in trouble! Now take me to the manager! You’re no older than sixteen. Who are you keeping this child from?!”
Me: “I am twenty-five years old! He came from my vagina and is my son! I. Do. Not. Work. Here. Get the h*** away from me before I get a manager myself. You are scaring my son!”
[Son] was visibly scared and on the verge of tears at that point.
Woman: “HE LOOKS SCARED BECAUSE YOU STOLE HIM!”
Me: “So now, I’m no longer finding his parents but stole him on the clock?!”
Woman: “SEE?! YOU JUST ADMITTED IT! YOU DO WORK HERE!”
By then, [Son] was crying, so I just grabbed his hand and walked to find a manager as fast as I could. The woman was screaming behind me that she was getting a manager and that I was kidnapping a child, so people were starting to look.
I finally found the manager, and it didn’t take much to explain the situation as the woman was trailing behind me screaming as I spoke to him. He very quickly confirmed that I did not work there. Then, he told the woman to leave for making such accusations and not adhering to local health department guidelines.
The woman, of course, refused, and she started causing an even bigger scene about how we were trafficking humans in the store. She eventually called 911 to report a kidnapping.
She ended up getting arrested in front of a good 150 people. I basically just had to tell the cops my situation and how the woman was following me throughout the store accusing me of stealing my own son, and that was that. I went home and got on with the rest of my day.
[Woman], I sincerely hope a jar of molasses was worth a trip to jail and you received the mental health care you clearly need.