This happened in my first year at uni, about eight years ago, when I was twenty. The bus I had to take to uni was the most popular route in town, meaning it was always packed. Because I got on at the first stop, I always had a window seat, which meant that someone was usually sitting next to me when I had to get off, and I had to do the awkward thing of lifting my backpack and straightening up in an exaggerated fashion to show them that they had to stand to let me pass. No problem, usually, just a bit awkward for socially awkward me.

One morning, a guy in his forties sat next to me and promptly man-spread across my seat, pushing his leg right up to mine. I thought it was weird, but hey, maybe this guy had a painfully swollen scrotum or a lack of self-awareness. Or both. Anyway, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, and as he was focused on his phone and ignored me, I did the same for the rest of the journey.

Then, when we were getting close to my stop, I started the awkward “I have to get off so let me pass” show. No reaction. I stood up from my seat. Still no reaction.

Me: “Sir?”

No reaction. I tapped his shoulder.

Me: “Sir, I need to get off. Can you let me pass?”

The guy looked up at me and replied with the widest, most disgusting grin.

Guy: “Well, sweetie, looks like you’re gonna have to squeeze past me. No problem for such a skinny girl, right?”

Some of the passengers standing around us noticed and were about to intervene, but I was PISSED because, at that point, I had missed my stop, and I wasn’t sure if he was a pervert or just liked to piss on peoples days, but I didn’t want him to win. Also, no one had ever called me skinny. I have what one could call “child-bearing hips”, thank you very much.

Me: *Smiling at him* “Okay, have it your way.”

My backpack was filled with half a dozen library books that I was going to return that day, and it was bulky and heavy AF. Usually, I would have put it on after leaving the crowded bus, but not that day. I shouldered my backpack so it was hanging at the right height and clumsily, forcefully, and (just in case he was indeed a pervert) in no way sexily squeezed past the guy, dragging my huge backpack across his face. If I leaned back to make sure to really get his nose, well, that surely wasn’t intentional. And if he emitted any pain-fuelled protests, well, they must have been muffled by my backpack.

As I was standing by the door waiting for the next stop, I looked back to see him covering his nose with his hand. It looked like he was checking if it was bleeding, but I don’t think it was. He might have had a scratch or two from my backpack, but he wasn’t injured or anything. His pride was, though. He kept glaring at me for the glorious half-minute it took for the bus to reach the next stop.

I was in such a good mood that I didn’t mind walking back to where I was supposed to get off.

My girlfriend’s parents were going to build a house in a new development in a lot that was in front of their neighbours-to-be. The lot was on a hill, so it was in front of the neighbours but below them. The neighbours decided they wanted to build a one-story rancher on the lower part of their lot instead of building something like a two-story on the higher side of the lot. They assumed that whoever was going to build in front of them would only build a one-story themselves, which would keep their view unobstructed. Having a great view was apparently very important to them and a big selling point on the lot.

[Parents] started to build their two-story house on their lot with tall peaked gables. When [Neighbours] realized that their view would indeed be obstructed, they offered to buy the lot from [Parents]. [Parents] offered them the price of the lot (which had increased in value since it was originally purchased) plus the cost of the materials already purchased for the build. They waited for a response but didn’t get one, so they just continued on with their build.

A month or two later, [Neighbours] responded to the offer saying they’d accept it. By that time, of course, more time and money had been put into the build, so [Parents] told them they could still buy the lot, but the price had increased. [Neighbours] rejected the offer.

In this new development, all houses were required to have a two-foot overhang, but many of the homes hadn’t actually been following the rule, and the developers hadn’t been enforcing it. [Parents] also decided to not follow the rule. [Neighbours] then went to the developer to remind them that [Parents] needed to have two-foot overhangs, thinking that it would decrease the pitch of the roof, meaning the gables wouldn’t be so high.

The developers told [Parents] to make sure they had the two-foot overhangs. [Parents] went to the architect to find a way to keep the tall gables they wanted, while also having the two-foot overhangs. The architect told them to just raise the roof two feet to create the two-foot overhang, so the angles on the roof wouldn’t be impacted at all. [Parents] kept building with these new specs. The developers approached [Parents] to enquire about the overhangs and whether their roof was impacted at all. The look on his face when [Parents] told him that they just raised the whole roof by two feet was priceless.

[Neighbours] avoided the family for the entire five years they lived there.

This story reminds me of when I lived across from a “screamer”. Our apartment complex had two blocks that faced each other, and directly across from me was a young couple. The guy would come home for a “nooner”, and not only did they leave the curtains wide open, but they often left the bedroom window open, too. Sounds echoed between the buildings, making the screams of passion sound even louder.

That came to a stop when my upstairs neighbor’s young son looked out of his bedroom window and saw them in action. He called out to his mom.

Neighbor’s Son: “Mom! A man is hurting a lady, and she’s screaming!”

My neighbor ran down the stairs and pounded on the young couple’s bedroom window.

Neighbor: *Yelling* “My kid can see what you’re doing!”

She told me later that the couple looked surprised that their neighbors could actually see what they were doing.

Oddly enough, they moved out a month later; I don’t know if they were evicted or decided to move out on their own.

Related:
Putting The “Rude” Into Our “Rude & Risque” Tag

Early one morning on a city sidewalk, I was approached by a stranger.

Man: “Excuse me. Could you spare a dollar?”

I pulled out my wallet and handed him a dollar.

Man: “Thank you. The dollar helps, but two dollars would help more.”

I pulled another dollar from my wallet and handed it to him.

Man: *Holding back a smile* “Thanks. Two dollars really helps, but with three dollars, I could get breakfast at that restaurant.” *Waves a hand down the street*

Giving him a sceptical look, I pulled a third dollar from my wallet and gave it to him.

Man: *Barely holding back laughter* “Thanks, but if you give me a five, I’ll give you three dollars back, and it only costs you two dollars!”

Me: *Laughing* “Be glad for the three dollars I gave you!” *Stuffs my wallet back into my pocket*

I have a birth defect, and when my neighbor’s kid (around five or six at the time) asked me about it, I just very quickly answered:

Me: “Because I didn’t eat my vegetables.”

Both his mom and mine cracked up, but the kid looked terrified. His mom told me later that when they were visiting his grandma, she asked what he wanted to eat and he said, “Vegetables!” It freaked HER out!

I did tell him the truth a few years later. I was just poking fun at myself.