This story reminds me of when I lived across from a “screamer”. Our apartment complex had two blocks that faced each other, and directly across from me was a young couple. The guy would come home for a “nooner”, and not only did they leave the curtains wide open, but they often left the bedroom window open, too. Sounds echoed between the buildings, making the screams of passion sound even louder.

That came to a stop when my upstairs neighbor’s young son looked out of his bedroom window and saw them in action. He called out to his mom.

Neighbor’s Son: “Mom! A man is hurting a lady, and she’s screaming!”

My neighbor ran down the stairs and pounded on the young couple’s bedroom window.

Neighbor: *Yelling* “My kid can see what you’re doing!”

She told me later that the couple looked surprised that their neighbors could actually see what they were doing.

Oddly enough, they moved out a month later; I don’t know if they were evicted or decided to move out on their own.

Related:
Putting The “Rude” Into Our “Rude & Risque” Tag

Early one morning on a city sidewalk, I was approached by a stranger.

Man: “Excuse me. Could you spare a dollar?”

I pulled out my wallet and handed him a dollar.

Man: “Thank you. The dollar helps, but two dollars would help more.”

I pulled another dollar from my wallet and handed it to him.

Man: *Holding back a smile* “Thanks. Two dollars really helps, but with three dollars, I could get breakfast at that restaurant.” *Waves a hand down the street*

Giving him a sceptical look, I pulled a third dollar from my wallet and gave it to him.

Man: *Barely holding back laughter* “Thanks, but if you give me a five, I’ll give you three dollars back, and it only costs you two dollars!”

Me: *Laughing* “Be glad for the three dollars I gave you!” *Stuffs my wallet back into my pocket*

I have a birth defect, and when my neighbor’s kid (around five or six at the time) asked me about it, I just very quickly answered:

Me: “Because I didn’t eat my vegetables.”

Both his mom and mine cracked up, but the kid looked terrified. His mom told me later that when they were visiting his grandma, she asked what he wanted to eat and he said, “Vegetables!” It freaked HER out!

I did tell him the truth a few years later. I was just poking fun at myself.

I really don’t miss cheaply made, noisy apartments.

A bunch of us were at a friend’s apartment one time. They were complaining about how easily noise traveled through the floors and how annoying their downstairs neighbors were — among many other complaints about that crappy place.

Me: “You should just make lots of noise in return — like jumping up and down on the floors.”

I then did so.

There was this loud CRRRRACK, and the floor shuddered. Everyone stopped moving and looked around with some nervous laughter.

No, the floor didn’t collapse, and the building is still there, but my friends moved out ASAP.

My son and his wife go to a beach on the North Carolina coast for several days of vacation. This particular beach has lifeguards, and the guard chairs are tall and spaced along the beach. There are signs at all entrances to the beach telling people not to set up umbrellas or shade canopies in front of the guard stands. The reason is that the guards cannot adequately scan the ocean for people in trouble if their vision is blocked. There is actually a local ordinance stating this, and people can be fined.

[Son] and his wife get set up with a small beach shade thingy. It is like a half-tent that you set your chair in. It’s low to the ground, blocks the wind, and provides some shade.

Nearby, a family arrives and proceeds to set up one of those big shade canopies — think something used for craft shows or festivals. It is set up close to the ocean and between two guard stands. In fact, [Son] remarks that he can’t see the second stand because of the canopy and the chairs, etc.

Soon enough, one of the guards approaches the group.

Lifeguard: “You need to move your canopy back behind the guard stands. It’s too tall and blocks the line of sight for us to watch the ocean for people in trouble.”

They seem to agree, and the guard leaves.

When the guard leaves, the group stops looking like they are going to move. They actually get out food and drinks and sit in their chairs. [Son] remarks to his wife that the group is asking to be evicted from the beach.

About twenty or thirty minutes go by, and the guard comes back.

Lifeguard: “You need to move your canopy behind the guard stands for safety reasons.”

This time, a woman in the group decides to argue.

Woman: “We’re not moving! There are other people out here with shade canopies and stuff!”

She points out [Son] and his wife and then another group with a small beach umbrella.

Lifeguard: “Both of those groups meet the safety requirements.”

Woman: “Call the police if you have to, but my family and I aren’t moving!”

About fifteen minutes later, the police arrived on the scene. The woman and her entitled group got a ticket and were told that they needed to move their canopy or they would be told to leave.

The police left, and the woman and her family picked all their stuff up and moved back behind the guard stand — like they were told to the first time.