Next Time Just Lie In

| St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Popular, Roommates

(On the weekend before finals, the professors take over the campus cafeteria and host a Late-Night Breakfast where they cook food from 8 to 10 pm for students. It’s free and doesn’t even cost a meal ticket. The only other late-night food option on campus is [Restaurant], where you have to pay for sandwiches. I go to the Late-Night Breakfast, eat some good food, and hang out with friends. Around 9:15, I go back to my dorm and find my roommate studying. We were friends before we roomed together, but we haven’t been doing very well as roommates and have said some pretty hurtful things to each other throughout the semester. Our friendship is on pretty rocky ground, but we’ve been getting along lately… or so I thought.)

Me: “Hey, Late-Night Breakfast is going on at the cafe right now.”

Roommate: “Late-Night Breakfast? What is that?”

Me: “Where the professors cook breakfast? It’s free. You’d better hurry, though, ’cause they’re going to stop soon.”

(My roommate seems pleased and curious. 15 or so minutes later, she leaves the room. She soon returns with a box of food that I immediately recognize as something from [Restaurant]. To get to [Restaurant], my roommate would have walked in the opposite direction from the cafeteria.)

Me: *confused* “Hey… did you go by the cafe? You could have gotten free food there…”

Roommate: *freezes, then says coldly* “There is no Late-Night Breakfast. You always lie to me, [My Name].”

Me: *disappointed* “You didn’t even look, did you?”

Roommate: “I didn’t need to. I knew you were lying.”

To Save Your Soul She Will Take Your Sanity

| UK | Popular, Religion, Roommates

(I have OCD which manifests in an obsession with the number 6. I’m in my first year at university and staying in halls of residence. One of my flatmates notices that I keep the lock on my kitchen cabinet defaulted to ‘6 6 6’ when locked. It’s ridiculously early when she knocks on my door. Up to this point she has never given any inclination that she is religious.)

Flatmate: “Just to let you know, the lock on your cupboard has 666 on it!”

Me: “I know; it’s deliberate.”

Flatmate: “But, that’s the devil’s number. You have to change it!”

Me: “I’m atheist so I don’t really care about it in that regard, and my OCD doesn’t allow me to do that. Otherwise it feels like the lock doesn’t work.”

Flatmate: “But, the devil will—“

Me: “Like I said, atheist. The superstitious side to that number doesn’t bother me, my own convoluted sanity permitting. Anyway, it’s my lock, not yours.”

(She gives me a disgusted look and walks back to her room, mumbling what I recognise to be the Lord’s prayer. Over the next couple of days whenever I use the kitchen I notice the numbers on the lock have changed. It does trigger my anxiety, but it’s a quick fix. I haven’t seen my flatmate since then but make a note to speak to her about it. The next time I’m in the kitchen she comes in, heads straight to my lock, and changes it again.)

Me: “[Flatmate], could you please not do that?”

Flatmate: “I have to. I’m saving your soul! You may as well be letting a demon into you, having such a satanic symbol on there.” *taking something out of her bag* “And here, I got this for you. We can save you together.”

(She presents a bible to me.)

Me: “I already own a bible from when I was at Catholic school. I’m not interested, sorry. But I am begging you, please leave my things alone. My lock and cupboard have absolutely nothing to do with you. I’m not telling you to change because of my beliefs, so I expect the same.”

(At this she takes out a crucifix necklace and taps me my hand with it.)

Flatmate: “You aren’t taken yet, so there’s still time. I’m going to be wearing this at all times from now on, and making this whenever I see you.” *making a cross with her fingers* “If you’re going to resist the will of the Lord, I need to be protected.”

(I was not pleased, and she continued to change my lock every time she went in the kitchen. My school work began to decline as my brain began to obsess over and over about her changing my lock, leading me to run out of my room whenever I hear a door open or close, or sprint back to my halls after lectures, expecting the lock to be changed. My other flatmates told me they were noticing a change in me and offered to help. We tried different locks with keys, but it didn’t help. My brain was stuck on that specific lock and that specific number being the only combination keeping my cupboard secure. After about a month I was racing home between lectures to check, only to find the lock was open. I wondered for a second if I forgot to lock it, but when I opened the cupboard I saw a cross and bottle of holy water on the top shelf. My flatmate must have unlocked it when changing it and decided to “protect it” or whatever. This was the last straw for me and I put in a complaint about the conditions I was living in. Coincidentally, she also made a complaint, about the continual noise I was making, opening and closing doors throughout the night, every night. We went to a hearing in the student union to sort things about, and my other flatmates decided to support me. We explained the situation and our representative is surprised by the lengths our flatmate went to, to “save me.” The complaint against me was ignored after taking into considering my mental illness and the circumstances exacerbating it. The only solution we came up with is for one of us to move out. I volunteered, but our rep decides that our flatmate move out, after seeing which side my other flatmates chose to take. I still see her on campus from time to time, wearing the necklace and making a cross with her fingers whenever she sees me. Now I’m just thankful she didn’t find out I’m gay as well!)

Use A Hypocrisy Spell!

| OR,USA | Games, Geeks Rule, Popular, Religion

(There is a young woman in one of my classes who I notice reading a novel from a fantasy author I like. We start chatting and get along pretty well, so I try inviting her to my Dungeons & Dragons group.)

Woman: “I don’t play such games. My pastor told me that they are from the devil.”

(That puts a bit of a sour note on things and while we remain cordial to each other we don’t chat as much after that. A few months later I notice she seems unhappy.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Woman: “My Internet at home has been down for the last few days and I haven’t been able to play World of Warcraft.”

Dawn Of The Bread

, | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Holidays, Popular

(I’m staying at the university halls of residence with one other man and three women. It’s coming up to Halloween and we’re all talking about what we should do for a party.)

Woman #1: “We should decorate. You can do those paper folding things.”

Me: “It’s called origami, and I could.”

Woman #2: “We should do jelly shots, and bobbing for apples.”

Woman #3: “What will you do, [Man]?”

Man: “Maybe raise the dead…”

(We all rolled our eyes as he’s always been a bit strange. Fast forward two weeks and I got an email from him, in between lectures. It was titled ‘Raising the dead.’ I was slightly worried as this was the first email he had ever sent to me, but when I opened it there is a video to download with the only words in the email saying “Our little secret.” The video was of our oven with a tray of cake mix and several miniature zombies and skeletons resting in it. The video was sped up so they quite literally rise in about half a minute. It was the most random thing I’ve ever received and it tickled me for the rest of the day. We’re still good friends, but he has yet to tell me why it had to be a secret, and why he only sent it to me.)

Vitaminimum Height

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Health & Body, Passive Aggressive

(In between classes, I am sitting with a friend during lunchtime chatting. Note that while she is older than me by two years, she is 5′ 1″ while I’m 5′ 7″.)

Friend: *rummaging through her bag* “Oh. I just remembered I need to take my vitamins.”

Me: “Okay… Wait, why do you need take vitamins? It’s not like you’re going to grow any taller.”

Friend: *laughs*

(Ironically, when she told this to her dad, her father laughed at her and proposed the same question I asked her.)

Page 1/3612345...Last