Bad Words, Good Cause

| St Petersburg, FL, USA | Bigotry, Popular

(I am hanging with my friend. His dad is a raging alcoholic and bigot. As an (undiagnosed, at the time) autistic sufferer, and being 12 years old, my brain has no filter. We are chilling one day when his dad decided to ‘teach’ us about gay people, including how they are all pedophiles and ‘can’t help themselves.’)

Friend’s Dad: “So, did you both learn what I told you? Repeat it.”

Friend: *repeats his dad*

Me: “You’re a f***ing idiot.”

(My friend’s dad grabs my arm and drags me across the street to my grandma’s house, where we are renting.)

Friends Dad: *to Mom* “Your son was extremely disrespectful! You need to teach him to respect his elders! He called me a f***ing idiot!”

Mom: *to me* “[My Name]!”

Me: “Ask [Friend’s Dad] what he was teaching us!”

(Mom looks at Friend’s Dad curiously.)

Friend’s Dad: *repeats bigoted rant*

(Mom grabs my arm and pulls me into the house.)

Mom: “You’re a f***ing idiot!”

You Can Just Go And Shovel It!

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Lazy/Unhelpful, Neighbours, Popular

(My husband and I live in a freehold townhouse and share a wide driveway with the unit next to us. The owners moved out in the summer and basically abandoned the house. Until someone moves in, one of our other neighbours, about five units down the street, uses their driveway to park two of their cars. We had a bit of a snowstorm and my husband is out shovelling our half of the driveway. The neighbour’s son, in his 20s, comes over.)

Neighbor’s Son: “Don’t be afraid to shovel this side of the driveway!”

Husband: *stops and stares* “I never shovelled it before, so WHY would I shovel it now?”

Neighbor’s Son: “But we’re parking our cars here now! It needs to be shovelled!”

Husband: “If you want it shoveled, I suggest you shovel it yourself.”

Neighbor’s Son: “Whatever, dude.” *storms away*

(Um, excuse me? Our side of the driveway alone is long and wide. WHY would someone just assume that we would double the workload for something that is not our problem nor would it benefit us?? Especially a 20-something asking my 50-year-old husband! Needless to say, no one has shovelled that half of the driveway and right now it’s an icy lawsuit waiting to happen. But our side is clean as a whistle.)

Flash Of Truth

| LA, USA | Games, Gatherings, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Popular

(One of my friends is extremely outgoing and flashes her boobs as a means to distract people when they are arguing. My husband, I, she, and her husband are all playing Cards Against Humanity. Our husbands are arguing over the winning card in a particular hand. She flashes the guys, but neither pays any attention to her. Instead the cat, which had been sitting next to her, reaches over and puts a paw on her shirt, pulling it back down.)

Friend: *burst out laughing* “I’ve flashed you all so much even the cat is telling me to put them away.”

(She and I laughed as our husbands continued arguing, oblivious to what just happened.)

Email Fail: The Spectacular

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular, Roommates, Rude & Risque

(Before me, my roommate/friend had another… less stable roommate. He tells me what was the first incident, about half a month in when he thought his roomie wasn’t a bad guy.)

Ex-Roomie: “Hey, can I get your email? I don’t really use many other social Internet stuff. I prefer texts and emails way more.”

Friend: “Sure! It’s [email].”

(Not out of place, especially since my friend does use his email a lot. On another day, they have some free time and my friend is kind of coerced into a conversation about themselves.)

Ex-Roomie: “Sucks that we can’t own any animals besides fish here. Have you ever had any pets?”

Friend: “Not many. I had a dog when I was younger and now my family has two cats.”

Ex-Roomie: “Lucky! What was the dog’s name?”

Friend: “Sparky. Old lab. Miss him, to—“

Ex-Roomie: “Yeah, yeah. Wow, you’re lucky man. Never had pets myself. I grew up in [State]. Where are you from?”

Friend: “Oh, I’m from around here.”

Ex-Roomie: “No, no. Where did you grow up?”

Friend: “Well, not far off from here, near downtown.”

Ex-Roomie: “Oh, yeah, I’ve got some friends that grew up over there, too! Do you know them?”

Friend: “Uh… I wouldn’t really know? What’s their—“

Ex-Roomie: “Aw, come on! You’ve GOTTA know them. What street did you live on?”

Friend: *concerned, but doesn’t know where this is leading* “Uh… [Street]? My, um, family doesn’t live there though, and I only had a handful of fr—“

Ex-Roomie: “Ah, nah. They don’t live around there. Your family doesn’t live here anymore? Where’d they go?”

(This went on for a bit. For my friend, though it felt a bit intrusive, it wasn’t too weird. He’s naturally a shy guy so he thought his roommate was just really inquisitive and wanted to get to know him. However, in hindsight, everything clicked together for the little fiasco that happened later on.)

Ex-Roomie: *swears and storms out of his rooms to open the fridge*

Friend: *eating cereal* “What?”

Ex-Roomie: “YOU F****** LIED TO ME, THAT’S WHAT!” *grabs the gallon of milk and starts to chug as much as he can*

Friend: “Wait, what?”

Ex-Roomie: *crying* “F*** YOU! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!”

(He ended up CHUCKING THE MILK TO THE GROUND, spilling it everywhere, and storming back to his room. Apparently, he was trying to break into my friend’s email account because he noticed him using it so much and wanted to prank him by sending d*ck pics to everyone in his contacts. My friend found this out a day later, when the roommate invited all his friends over, got drunk, and all started heckling my friend as if he was the one being the spoil sport about it and “couldn’t take a joke.” That roommate did not last long, especially after some more property damage and when he inappropriately started to hit on the landlord’s daughter and tried blaming it on my friend. My friend is gay, by the way.)

Dungeons & Dragons: Not Puppy Friendly

| MI, USA | Games, Geeks Rule, Pets & Animals, Popular

(My wife and I are playing a Dungeons and Dragons game with a few friends. The DM has played many times before but this was the first time for the rest of us. We were playing an “Evil” campaign where our party was up to no good.)

Dungeon Master: “You come upon a sheep farm with a bunch of herding dogs. The shepherd greets you.”

Friend’s Druid: “May I buy any of your dogs?”

Dungeon Master: “He will sell you some.”

My Wife’s Rogue: “I steal a puppy and put it in my pocket.” *rolls and is successful*

(A while later we are in combat against a lone Paladin and as the battle continues my wife’s character gets hit in combat.)

Dungeon Master: “Okay, you will take [number] damage.”

(Wife begins to write down damage.)

Dungeon Master: “Wait… is the puppy still in your pocket?”

Whole Party: *in horrified unison* “Nooooooooooooo…”

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